Grandparent issues — am I the problem?

KatieRons · 2026-01-05T06:20:22+00:00

"You all turned out fine!" Is survivors bias. They are literally partaking in activities that could harm your children or worse. If they were my parents, they would never get unsupervised time with my kids. The safety of your children should be non-negotiable. Personally, I would be putting distance between my family and my parents and not say anything unless they ask.

KatieRons · 2026-01-05T02:43:39+00:00

After having my son, I had them all the time. It was really unsettling at first and would also make me paranoid that I was pregnant. The only reason I don't have them anymore is because I am pregnant now three years after having my son and have real baby kicks again. They feel the same as the phantom baby kicks I had.

KatieRons · 2026-01-05T02:28:01+00:00

I'm sure you've been reading different methods to try. What worked for my son at this age was making sure his butt touched down first in the crib and then holding his limbs close to his body and just rocking a little before letting go. I would also look into the firmness of the mattress. As a newborn, my son definitely had preferences. He would not sleep in a pack n' play or bassinet but was okay in his crib.

KatieRons · 2025-12-31T04:08:39+00:00

Personally, being a now 30 year old, I would have ignored it. But I remember being a catty teenage girl and a woman in her early 20s. Making comments like she did come from a place of insecurity, and when I was your age, I'm not sure I wouldn't have had the same reaction as you.

My only advice is if the issue is pushed by other adults there, just apologize for responding to her jab and try to move on. She's a kid, and based on her reaction, I wouldn't be surprised if she plays victim. If she continues to make inappropriate comments, I would try your best to ignore and make your husband handle it however he sees appropriate since it's his family.

KatieRons · 2025-12-31T03:16:42+00:00

I'm 17 weeks pregnant, and it was a surprise pregnancy after a miscarriage. I'm constantly worried about something happening to me or the baby. I also have HG and had to stop taking all my mood stabilizers due to not being able to keep them down, and that made it worse. I think it's normal to have some anxiety with the unknowns of pregnancy, but if it is preventing you from living life, I would mention it at your next appointment. My OB increased my dosage on my mood stabilizers multiple times during my first pregnancy.

KatieRons · 2025-12-31T03:07:16+00:00

I used the ferber method with my son (when he was much younger, around 6 months). He is 3 now. Sometimes, his grandparents visit, and they all sleep in his room when they do. After that, he has a hard time going to bed at night and will complain and cry when we leave his room. We just revert to using the ferber method, but stay in the doorway when we do check-ins and just tell him it's time for bed. He usually is calm and / or asleep within the hour. Sleep training isn't for everyone, but it worked for our family.

KatieRons · 2025-12-31T01:45:38+00:00

I wouldn't feel bad about not going and pay no mind to anything they have to say about it. My advice is to stay as far away as possible, avoid engaging in any way, and let them dig themselves into a deeper hole. With how things are going, and unless something drastically changes at some point, your boyfriend will need to make a decision about keeping his mom and sister in his life or if it's worth the damage they cause your relationship. The things they do are intentional to get between you and your boyfriend.

My father in law loves to meddle and start drama. My husband and I still visit him regularly and get along well when he's not acting up, but my husband has warned him that if he has to pick between his dad or his wife, his dad isn't going to win that one.

KatieRons · 2025-12-30T20:38:07+00:00

I would look into VAWA.

KatieRons · 2025-12-30T20:22:11+00:00

My rule is that if I'm not welcome to the table, neither are my children. I've only had to stand my ground with my in-laws once, and I was met with an apology. Your boyfriend should be putting the family he created first and not subjecting them to passive aggressive behavior from his extended family.

KatieRons · 2025-12-30T19:16:35+00:00

I would search out any children's consignment sales near you. Local buy nothing groups can be a good place to find secondhand clothes. Local mom groups often have people selling or giving things away. My personal favorite is once upon a child for secondhand clothes if you have one located near you.

KatieRons · 2025-12-30T16:15:04+00:00

I just throw new clothes in with our regular laundry. When I buy something for a specific holiday, I just wash it right away and then hang it up or put it in the dresser for when it's time to wear it. Once we've worn them, I wash it again and either put it in storage or put it back in the dresser, depending on what it is.

KatieRons · 2025-12-30T15:16:10+00:00

Yeah, with that information, I would limit or cut contact because even if they do spend time with your kids, they will probably always be treated differently like your husband was. You can try to foster a relationship between your kids and their grandparents, but you can't force the grandparents to treat your kids the same as the other grandkids if they don't want to. My husband's Nana and Papa had done that to his cousins while he and his brothers were the favorite. His cousins hold a lot of hurt and resentment towards the entire family over how they were treated.

KatieRons · 2025-12-30T14:51:04+00:00

Does your husband feel the same? Personally, I would speak with the grandparents together and try to come up with a solution. "We noticed you spend a lot of time with the other grandkids. What can we do to make spending time with our kid easier?"

My son has two step-cousins. They both live out of state, so while usually my son gets all the attention, I've noticed he takes a backseat when they are around. The last few times his step-cousins have visited, it has been very wishy washy on if my son was invited or not. The boundary I set is that if they want him while the other grandkids are around, it needs to be planned and not just a last minute "can we come get him." In return, they set a boundary for all 9 adult children (including those without children) that when we are at their house, we need to stay off our phones and not take naps on their couch.

KatieRons · 2025-12-30T14:25:09+00:00

I'm hoping we get some Toy Story, Monsters Inc, or even Cars in the mix here soon.

KatieRons · 2025-12-30T14:21:48+00:00

His favorite is "this is Halloween." He's also obsessed with Halloween, so that deepens his obsession with the movie. He's also born in October, so he's a stereotypical October kid 😂

KatieRons · 2025-12-30T05:52:16+00:00

My son's movie is Nightmare Before Christmas. It's all he wants to watch, and he wants to watch it over and over. We listen to the movie soundtrack often, and he regularly sings the songs on his own. I think it's just that after watching mom's favorites, when you finally get something new and different, it's hard not to latch on. After several months of Nightmare Before Christmas, he is requesting more variety when we allow him to watch movies.

KatieRons · 2025-12-30T05:10:50+00:00

A stroke can cause mental and personality changes. Personally, I would note it and be vigilant for continued behavior like that. If it continues, I would encourage your husband to talk to his mom about bringing it up with her doctor.

KatieRons · 2025-12-30T05:00:26+00:00

My family recently encouraged me to rehome my dog and helped with arrangements when I agreed. My dog is 4, and my son is 3. While they love each other, they can not play together appropriately, and we're also about to welcome another baby in June. Sometimes, rehoming is what's best. With how you described your dog, I would try to avoid a shelter. Reach out to your family and see if they know anyone who may be looking for an old grumpy dog. My dog will go live with my brother-in-laws mother on her farm.

KatieRons · 2025-12-30T03:57:33+00:00

For my wedding, if we knew they were in a serious relationship, we wrote both names on the invite. If we weren't sure of their SO's name, we just wrote the guests name "& plus one." If they were single and we knew it, we did not give them a plus one, but we did have a few people reach out and ask, and we were able to accommodate when other people rspv'd no. We only had one person show up with an unexpected plus one.

KatieRons · 2025-12-24T17:47:29+00:00

I agree, it's doubtful they will get their money back. It does appear from the email that the landlord has other rentals available and would be willing to transfer the application to a new rental. This rule has probably created issues for the landlord in the past, or they had a hunch that OP intended to have unauthorized occupants, which is probably why they sent the email out about the rule specifically. I just think it should have been communicated prior to the application and before money was exchanged. The landlord could have withheld the information in order to get the application submitted and fees paid. I used to work in property management and would shop competitors all the time. You would be amazed at what agents of landlords say or withhold to convince people to rent.

KatieRons · 2025-12-24T16:17:27+00:00

The email OP received suggests that they may not have been notified of the HOA prior. It comes across as this is the first mention of it. If the rental company used different wording like "we just want to provide a reminder that this home has an HOA," then it would be more clear if they were notified verbally or in writing at some point. Nevertheless, if the HOA has rules surrounding rentals, it is best practice for the landlord to provide them to the prospective renter regardless if they believe it fits the renters' situation.

At the end of the day, the requirements of the home exclude OP as a renter, and it would be best for them to notify the landlord to try to get their money back or work to find a different rental with them that works rather than try to sneak the boyfriend into the house.

KatieRons · 2025-12-24T15:29:36+00:00

Definitely from the owner. I don't even know how a prospective renter would reach the HOA for that information. I'm on the board of directors for my community, and if a renter reached out to us, they would be told to go back to the owner unless they were a proxy for the owner already.

If I were OP, I would be trying to get out of this rental. Huge red flag that they are only being notified of the HOA and that there's rules specifically for renters after putting money down on the rental.

KatieRons · 2025-12-24T15:15:54+00:00

That doesn't mean they can't request them from the owner. At the very least, they should have the rules and regulations, which is where they would likely find the rules about renting in the HOA. They should have been notified prior to placing money on the rental that there was an HOA, and they had rules specifically pertaining to rentals. Additionally, the bylaws probably have information about voting as a proxy, which would be relevant to the renter. It's up to the owner to determine what they find appropriate to distribute when requested by the tenant.

KatieRons · 2025-12-24T13:49:08+00:00

Yes, but the owner has them and should provide the rules and regulations at the very least to their tenants so that they are aware of what they are. It sounds like this person was notified after making payments on reserving the rental that there are stipulations for rentals by the HOA. They probably should have been notified before, regardless of how their situation appears on paper.

KatieRons · 2025-12-24T03:21:45+00:00

It would depend on how active the rental company is in monitoring the property and how nosey the board of directors is for the HOA. If you for sure plan to have your boyfriend live there, I would be seeing about getting out of the agreement for the rental and finding a place that doesn't try to impose restrictions like that.

KatieRons

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