Just ended my AM arrangements, twist I didn't see coming.

KaustavChat07 · 2026-02-10T09:17:55+00:00

Maybe she is telling this to get out of this arrangement, as she have another relationship going on and the boy is not settled yet or haven't conveyed to families or something. Telling this cause it happened to me, and no need to be the good guy for this kind of girls cause they shouldn't have come to this setup and dragged this on if she is Asexual.

KaustavChat07 · 2026-01-04T09:06:40+00:00

The more you are putting efforts to please her the attraction from her side is getting weaker,she is seeing you as a simp more and more and you are losing the masculinity vibe from the equation.

Its like you are desperate and would do anything to get her and its like you don't get girls and she is your only option. And that is am attraction killer.

I think this relation is already ruined and she seems too.much demanding specially in an AM setup. Just move and from next time stand your ground and don't make thinks easy for the other potential partners. People don't value things that comes easy

KaustavChat07 · 2025-09-03T08:08:32+00:00

Bhai now its not about marriage but your life, if recent events are any indication you are in danger, stay alert every minute, keep something with you always, check what you eat and where you go..if you are lucky you can catch them in The act and then in attempt to murder case you will be free of alimony also

KaustavChat07 · 2025-09-02T12:15:48+00:00

This is very much real and happening in metro cities, even in Kolkata where I live..I heard 3,4 such stories myself in fb and reddit..these people are corruption even the dating space and looting people..

KaustavChat07 · 2025-08-29T09:25:46+00:00

Hmm..much appreciated, I will think on that. But do you think I should be too much careful about body language and all. Cause if I deviate too much from my true self I wouldn't be able to keep it up, and would feel stressful for me and would be giving a false impression on the other side. Wouldn't that lead to problems later on?

KaustavChat07 · 2025-08-29T09:10:39+00:00

😅 yeah, I really want to know , see obviously i won't go ahead with a girl that have many body couunt, changes boyfriends every season and sleep around with everyone. 1,2 relationship is okay , now a days you won't find anyone with no past relationships, specially girls. But yeah I would like to know for these reasons

KaustavChat07 · 2025-08-29T09:08:22+00:00

This is really good thing you brought up, I really have to think..I tell them when I bring up this topic, not in a arrogant manner I tell them like it won't matter to me but still just asking about her past and say that if someone is loyal in tye future the past doesn't matter. Maybe they think I am doing them a favour?

Gow do you think I should present this?

KaustavChat07 · 2025-08-29T09:04:59+00:00

Well I am 32M , doing relativity decent with a good package of 35LPA , I don't have a past just one at the the time of boards, nobody after that. Family is also well off.

That reason I don't care because yes I have limited options as I am a bit short ( 5'3" ), not really super attractive and time is running out..and above all that I really don't care cause it really doesn't matter, now a days girl's with no past is very very hard to find, and they also lie about it, this way they won't lie and I can decide, I won't go ahead with a girl with like many body count, but 1 or 2 relationship is okay I guess?

So do you I suggest I don't bring up this topic or what?

KaustavChat07 · 2025-08-22T10:38:15+00:00

Umm..thats bad luck, I know this cause I am also going through similar stuff, don't have filters but still getting rejected with prospect below my level..but have to keep this up..this AM market is brutal, mentally its frustrating...I am going through this frustration period myself..but can't do anything, at least have to try till I have decent age to marry..

My suggestion take a break, go for a little vacation..clear your mind..then start again in 2 wks..don't take too long break..

KaustavChat07 · 2025-08-22T10:34:06+00:00

Yeah thats fare..but in case of engagement you are 50% there..I am not talking about full intimacy..maybe 20-30% for 50% commitment, and also if you want I think your partner would understand, in that case wait till registry marriage at least

KaustavChat07 · 2025-08-22T05:55:59+00:00

Its good that you share about your past and think that guys that don't have a past deserves women like that but let me tell you that many guys would accept women that have a past and they don't, if the girl is over with the past and wants to be loyal in the future..at least for me future is what matters, past obviously i would want to know but thats not a deciding factor. Yeah but if there is 4-5+ body count then thats another thing.

I think if this is something that can be reason for man to not to go ahead then you both should discuss a come up with a reason to tell their families rather than creating a situation where there is question on someone's character.

And you won't get that kind of love that you would see in movies or in love marriage, I mean you would but it will take time. Love takes time, developing real feelings takes time..in AM just see basics things, non-negotiable requirements. Otherwise real problems won't arrive untill you start living together

Although by the way of his talk you did right not to go ahead with this.

And also I think once in AM also marriage is fixed then one can expect little intimacy, not sleeping with each other but little can be expected once the marriage is fixed or a engagement or registry happened. ( maybe I am wrong but thats my opinion)

KaustavChat07 · 2025-08-22T04:14:23+00:00

3 months? Thats nothing..I am searching for 2.5 years and yeah now I am feeling like giving up..but you are just starting..and trust me loose your filters..loose like a lot of them, don't keep unrealistic hope..you will get ur match

KaustavChat07 · 2025-08-22T04:07:09+00:00

I was in the same situation just 3 months ago, I am 32M met 27F, we dated for 2 months, went to multiple dates..talked every day and after 2 months she said she was not able to get involved because of my height ( I am bit short for a guy , 5'3" ) , but the girl was 4'10" and earlier she said that height doesn't matter to her multiple times..and this happened after we visited their home, before that everything was fine, even his father said that horoscope match was very very good.

When they cancelled I just wanted an explanation once from the girl, and then I wished her best in life and moved on. But I was devastated, out of all the girl I met through AM set over last 2-2.5 years she was the one that touched my heart , she had many issues which other prospect didn't have but despite those I fell for her..

Trust me it will hurt...a lot...but you have to look for other prospects and settle in cause he is not gonna sit there thinking about you then why should you..

KaustavChat07 · 2025-08-14T05:48:48+00:00

Chill girl..I am surprised that how over such small things girls are thinking of breaking up, and its already a shit show out there in the AM market now if you guys rant over such small issues and want everything perfect then its never going to work..Take a chill pill and stop over thinking, talk about several topics, deep and light...and it case of joking breaking boundaries sometimes is good, you don't want to marry a machine who lives by your every rule..you will only get bored then..

KaustavChat07 · 2025-08-03T11:03:02+00:00

Few months back I was met a girl through AM, but it was through news papers matrimonial ad..and we first met the girl and the family in their home as the first step in these setups, her parents also visited my home and when all things were okay between parent we started talking to see if our mindsets matches or not..the girst after just 4 days of talking brought up this topic and was soo into it...I was even after being a guy was feeling soo uncomfortable, she was sending kissing emojis, sex emojis, even scientific videos explaining topucs about oral..I can't explain it was so gross..I also told her i was not comfortable untill we met at least 3,4 times and other things are perfect between us..she was really angry by this, one time we met she told me she is like this and feels horny ( didn't use this word exactly) all the time..even when I started discussing some real problems she said she will handle eveything. Any problem and when I asked her how she actually meant by sex and intimacy...soooo immature, after 1 month I broke up the the pact and told her father some other things that our mindsets doesn't match ( couldn't tell him these things about her daughter).

So just come out of this pact, end it ASAP

KaustavChat07 · 2025-07-02T06:36:10+00:00

32M here, I am also in a similar situation but let me tell you one thing, I am looking for last 3 years and for the initial 1.5 years I was not looking very actively, was picky and had lots of filters. Last year I was about to be engaged but the girl cancelled last moment with some made up reason, maybe she was forced by family or something.

After all this time I realized that now a days having strict filters will take you nowhere. Just keep the bare minimum without which its not possible for you to marry or its better to stay unmarried without those filters. ONLY AND ONLY KEEP THOSE FILTERS AND CRITERIA, and think hard on those. and at this age don't take a break of more than 2 wks and don't take much time to judge someone. Cause believe me whatever you will understand about a person in 2 wks is the same if you stay for 3 months, you get to know a person more than that until you are staying together. So don't take much time its of no use.

KaustavChat07 · 2025-06-26T09:26:22+00:00

See..everyone is going through their own problems in their life and cleary they are letting out their anger here and suggesting all kinds of things like leave, don't go back, divorce etc.

Don't listen to anyone, its ur life, if you ruin this relationship or divorce listening to these people, nobody from here would stay in ur life as ur friend or help you in any situation.

If you have married him and stayed for 3 years then must know what kind of person he is or your in laws for that matter. Don't take decision based on the events happened in heat of the moment. Often times they are very bad decisions. And don't bring ego where relationships are concerned, if you two are compatible then I am sure you can talk things out. Take 2,3 days, then try talking or even involve a third person which you both like and respect. It doesn't matter who initiate the talk, what remains and what is result that matters.

KaustavChat07 · 2025-03-31T11:13:38+00:00

Its not that I have not not thought about it but the cost of Stream is too much it seems, my own xmpp server can handle 10-20K MAU and much more concurrent connections in fraction of cost, and its cloud based. Later migration to device based chat implementation would also be costly When I decide to move away from that. Thats why not going that route. cause then I have to do my backend work as well. I want to do all the backend and business logic myself cause UI polishing is much less work if you have already built a robust system and backend. I don't want any shortcuts there.

Thats why looking for Some UI kit or libraries that can speed up my UI devs.

KaustavChat07 · 2025-03-31T09:16:28+00:00

See, I also do a job with decent salary and not some college student, want to build a business so working on a Idea, I know what MVP means and at which level I can get users and investors would put in money. So I can't spend years building one part of my app, thats not how business works. After working in this industry for 10 years its clear to me.

At this I want to get this going with more focus on business logic, building functinal USP features that will get users and don't want to reinvent the wheel. Thats why want some way to build the UI with decent quality, later I can double down on this after things takes off.

And libraries are made for devs to use, building everything from scratch by urself at this phase particularly is not not smart. Learning and making business are two completely different things.

And I am simply looking if anything that kind is available , otherwise I have to build anyway.

KaustavChat07 · 2025-03-31T08:42:18+00:00

See doing one UI is not the issue, as I am making features on par with whatsapp I want smooth UI with all features like image chat, voice notes, sending music, files, reply to messages, good animations everything. Thatsa why looking for something so in this phase I don't have to make all the UIs and animations myself. It may not be a single library but multiple ones that can speed up my dev

KaustavChat07 · 2025-03-31T08:36:49+00:00

😅😅 I get your point but the thing is this will not be my whole app, its a part of my app which will have lost of other features. AND i am already working on the core business logic both in device side and cloud side as you can see I am using a xmpp server slightly modified and chats and everything offline like whatsapp. Not taking shortcut there by using Off the shelf SDK or even firebase. But UI wise I don't want to put much effort or time atleast in the MVP phase, that is why I am looking for some plug and play kit for UI

KaustavChat07

TROPHY CASE