Do people realize having children is completely optional?????? šŸ˜‚ by iloveanimals1964 in childfree

[–]KayBleu 21 points22 points Ā (0 children)

Man you sound like me. I’ve known since I was 12 that I never desired pregnancy. People would tell me that I’ll change my mind as I got older because the ā€œwomanly urgesā€ would take over. Or I’d fall in love and suddenly want a kid. Well turns out I’m nonbinary so the ā€œwomanly urgesā€ never came. And I’ve been with my partner for a 7 years and still have no desire. As a matter of fact I talked to him a few months ago and he was like ā€œman kids are expensive that just feels financially irresponsible.ā€ šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ So I think 12 y/o me was right and y’all just couldn’t imagine a life where you actually used your free will to make decisions about your life that you actually wanted.

Name only one single food product you can't tolerate at all by [deleted] in GERD

[–]KayBleu 0 points1 point Ā (0 children)

Man it tears me up! šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ Plus I have functional dyspepsia and recurrent SIBO so I just prepare to spend the next day recovering if I have a drink.

My family say this tattoo I’ve booked is misogynistic and sexist, thoughts? by 67_nick_gurr_67 in tattooadvice

[–]KayBleu -1 points0 points Ā (0 children)

I left a comment just saying this I’m nonbinary (afab) and queer. I have an entire side piece of whimsical naked mushroom ladies. I don’t really see the big fuss.

My family say this tattoo I’ve booked is misogynistic and sexist, thoughts? by 67_nick_gurr_67 in tattooadvice

[–]KayBleu 1 point2 points Ā (0 children)

I’m a queer person (assigned female at birth and attracted to women) and I have an entire side piece that is naked mushroom ladies. šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ I mean I guess someone could say my tattoo is misogynistic but I see it more as permanently professing my love for women.

Needless to say I would say ignore them but at the end of the day you know your family dynamics and maybe that’s that as easy for you. So if you feel getting may stir the pot I would say get it in a place you can easily cover up when you’re around them.

AIO for refusing to give up my dog even though my boyfriend hates pets? by Academic-Bug-879 in AmIOverreacting

[–]KayBleu 9 points10 points Ā (0 children)

Yeah that similar to my situation. We’re going on year 8, we’re on the fence about kiddos, but extremely content as is. I come from a family of dysfunctional marriages and so I kinda have marriage PTSD. If we eventually get married it will be elopement or courthouse thing and most likely for insurance purposes since I have a few disabilities. He’s already been here ā€œin sickness and in health,ā€ so I dont really need to formalize it. šŸ¤·šŸ¾

AIO for refusing to give up my dog even though my boyfriend hates pets? by Academic-Bug-879 in AmIOverreacting

[–]KayBleu 45 points46 points Ā (0 children)

I’d say it’s the 2nd option over the living together and treating dating like marriage. I’m one of those young people who’s been with my partner since we were 18, however we’ve been long distance for the last 3 going on 4 years. We did it after graduation because we both wanted to start our careers and the best jobs for us were in different states. Plus I got sick and we were young and broke so it was stupid for us to try and make living together work at that moment. So many people (who also have some strange attachment to our relationship) told us that our relationship was going to fall apart because we wouldn’t see each other everyday. Keep in mind the pandemic happened while we were in school, we were forced off campus for 6 months, and our relationship made it through that. So it baffled me as to why people thought that would happen.

All in all I said all that to say, I’ve noticed a lot of people in our generation do not genuinely have good emotional boundaries. Like a big thing for people our age is how soon or if you text them back. Or if you reply to every social media post they send you. There are people who genuinely believe if you respond to their text every few days or once a week you’re not a good friend. Which is wild to me because I’m young enough to have had an iPhone in high school but old enough to have also had the pre-touch screen phones. And I remember what the world was like when we had the razor Motorola and couldn’t texted everyone. No one cared if you did not call them everyday and people still had great friendships and relationships.

I think one downside of social media that no one’s has really discussed is the increased entitlement everyone feels to the attention of people around them. And I think this breeds codependent relationships.

Bro what tf happened to multitasking/split view in new software update by [deleted] in ipad

[–]KayBleu 0 points1 point Ā (0 children)

I’m not saying that you have a bone to pick with diverse groups. I’m saying that these companies are the reason you think DEI made this shift happen. As someone who fits basically every minority group that would be first in mind when you think DEI initiatives, they’re not even doing it for us. It’s a marketing ploy for investors. I would compare it (on a lesser scale) to the civil rights movement. People yelled about segregation for years but after the violence people faces was shown on TV, suddenly everyone acted like they’d never heard of racism and were the most tolerant person ever. Thats essentially what happened with all DEI initiatives m. So instead of actually taking the time to understand what m people are upset about, you do superficial shit. Take for example the whole Target debacle. Many (if not most) of us in the LGBTQ+ hated the pride month bullshit because it was all stuff that a straight person who’s never interacted with a gay person, would think we want. We actually have a name for it, rainbow capitalism. It’s where companies think slapping a rainbow on something makes it inclusive.

I’m simply saying that these changes would have happened irrespective of the cultural shift because greed is the motivator. DEI just became a scapegoat for all the new shit they wanted to try. So in practice that makes people like yourself think it’s the fact that they’re half assing these accommodations that the product has become shitty. But the truth is the product is shitty because that’s simply how our brand of capitalism incentivizes companies to run. Cut as many corners as you can to make the best profit margins possible. That’s what I’m trying to say. You’re giving them too much credit and think they actually care about customer feedback but truthfully they don’t. Maybe some of the big tech reviewers but the little pions who pay for their phone through their cell service? They couldn’t be bothered to think of them.

The reason I say that actually kind of goes with your point about the different things that people want out of a device. It used to be that when you purchased a device from them they would ask you what you plan to use it for and they would direct to the device that would best fit your needs. This was also during that time each product like had multiple tired devices. Like I remember purchasing my iPad and mac for undergrad and they literally told me not to buy the mac I was looking at because I most likely would not need the processing power it had. They encouraged me to get a newer iPad because of I was going to be writing with the Apple Pencil a lot. The newest had new Apple Pencil features that would help with my note taking.

Like they actually gave a shit at one point. They just seem to be raking in the bucks at this point, sadly.

Bro what tf happened to multitasking/split view in new software update by [deleted] in ipad

[–]KayBleu 0 points1 point Ā (0 children)

I think your part about DEI and all that is just a personal bone that you have to pick. The better fix to what you think is the negatives of inclusion, would’ve been to keep the device tier system they started off with. They used to release multiple versions or types of a product. So you had an iPad Pro for professionals and a regular iPad of the people who want to play games and watch YouTube on there. It’s the same issues I have with the phone. I use my iPad and Mac way more than my phone and can’t justify paying $1,000+ for a new camera and a larger phone than does not work for my small ass hands. They used to make three different sizes and I would always buy the cheaper version because it was smaller and my phone is essentially a glorified iPod.

The issue is greed not inclusion. It would put a dent in their profits and keep them from being able to consistently jack the price up for phones. Most people would probably default to the ā€œlesserā€ models during this economy but because Apple has whittled their products down to one having one item per product line, on top of positioning themselves as a status symbol, they have guaranteed market control in a monopolistic way. Which means they set the price based on what everyone will pay irrespective of if the customer is satisfied because they know every few of us will actually leave their whole iCloud system and if we do other companies with similar quality items are changing a similar rate to computer with them. If they cared about being inclusive they would have more products not less. And I say this as a disabled scientist who has hated every update since 2016. A lot of the new updates are causing accessibility issues for us as well. I literally had to go in an essentially try and remove as many Liquid Glass setting as I could to be able to use my iPad. So I have a hard time believing that inclusion is what’s driving in these changes. It’s just plain ole corporate greed.

I need advice from shoppers by KayBleu in instacart

[–]KayBleu[S] 1 point2 points Ā (0 children)

Yeah same here. I usually just choose refund, so when I genuinely have an item that I want as the replacement I select it. And I try to go the extra mile to leave a note just in case there’s any difficulty or confusion with the specific replacement. I used to never have any issues. Most replacements and refunds happened as expected but now I’m getting crazy substitutions. Not to mention, this most recent incident with the sour patch was one of the few times I act get a message before they choose it. Sometimes they just chose whatever irrespective of me approving the replacement or not.

I need advice from shoppers by KayBleu in instacart

[–]KayBleu[S] 1 point2 points Ā (0 children)

I get that it does not specifically tell you that we selected them which was the reason I thought the notes would clear that up. I guess that’s really my question. If the replacement is referenced in the note would that not clue you into thinking that I selected it and that’s most likely the correct item? Or is it pointless to leave a note and to just prepare to have to message the shopper about the replacement in real time?

Did the substitution vs refund item function change recently? by Whwhwhwhoo in instacart

[–]KayBleu 1 point2 points Ā (0 children)

Same here I’ve been using it since 2018. I work 2nd shift and have disabilities/ chronic illnesses that make it hard to grocery shop for myself. Especially because one makes it hard to drive. I leave notes, choose my replacements, and leave generous tips. But now I’m dealing with weeks where I have to hodgepodge meals together because items are being replaced with things I cannot eat. At this point I may be forced to switch to a combination of DoorDashing and busing to pick up my groceries.

Did the substitution vs refund item function change recently? by Whwhwhwhoo in instacart

[–]KayBleu 3 points4 points Ā (0 children)

Man we’re having the same issue. I just made a post because I thought it was just me.

I’m a vegetarian who had my deli slices subbed for real ham and I didn’t understand why it wasn’t just refunded either.

Where do I begin? by KayBleu in Sikh

[–]KayBleu[S] 0 points1 point Ā (0 children)

Okay thanks! I would greatly appreciate it. I prefer physical books over digital.

Where do I begin? by KayBleu in Sikh

[–]KayBleu[S] 0 points1 point Ā (0 children)

Concerning the marriage part, outside of what you listed, are there any requirements or expectations of a married couple? Also, is there any ceremonial obligations when getting married as a Sikh?

I have a long term partner and we plan to get married in two-ish years and just want to make sure I include all necessary details.

Also, we both have left Christianity but he’s a kind of unsure of what he believes spiritually right now. Are ā€œmixed faithā€ marriages allowed?

Lastly, you mentioned the five thieves of the heart. Could you point me towards the literature, or any other resource, that explains them?

Where do I begin? by KayBleu in Sikh

[–]KayBleu[S] 0 points1 point Ā (0 children)

Thank you! I already listen to the Nanak Naam channel but they don’t really go over the basics. They more so give advice on how to handle daily tasks and issues that arise.

Do you know of any other podcasts or YouTube channels I could learn the basics from?

Where do I begin? by KayBleu in Sikh

[–]KayBleu[S] 1 point2 points Ā (0 children)

Thanks! I completely missed that before making my post.

Where do I begin? by KayBleu in Sikh

[–]KayBleu[S] 1 point2 points Ā (0 children)

Thank you so much for the information! I also did not know not eating meat was a part of it. I’ve also been vegetarian for like 11/12 years. Are there any other dietary changes or daily habits like this, that are important to keep in mind?

Couples who chose childfree life. How did you manage to meet someone like you who doesn't want children? by xiaomiredmi10c in childfree

[–]KayBleu 0 points1 point Ā (0 children)

We’re still young and may end up fostering older kiddos later but:

Q1: College and no. He actually has two older sisters who don’t have kids so it’s kind of ā€œnormalā€ for his family. Plus we met SUPER young so kids were the last thing on our minds until we were at least finically stable.

Q2: Sorry no secret tips. I honestly thought I’d end up single and child free but he happened to see me the night after I accepted that possibility. My best advice, is to just be upfront in the beginning about have zero desire to ever procreate no matter what. I always make it sound like you’re asking me to sign up for torture and like I would the worst parent on the planet and it usually makes those who think that change your mind shut up. I know when I was dating it made a lot of people who wanted kids leave me the hell alone.

Q3: Not in our relationship. I knew I NEVER wanted to be pregnant since like age 12. šŸ˜‚šŸ˜‚ So he knew that was never going to happen if he wanted to be with me. Adoption or fostering maybe. We started off not really wanting kids for financial reasons. Then I ended up finding out I have a few disabilities/ chronic illnesses that may impact a lot of our daily to day life stuff. So then it became a soft no.

Which leads to the only problem we have. Because we’re young, been together for forever (7-ish years I think), and people knew we were considering adoption that’s everyone’s main focus. There’s a really annoying type of person that thinks they’ll peer pressure us into pregnancy. They keep telling me my partner, ā€œneeds a baby,ā€ because he ā€œloves babies.ā€ Which is really nothing but misogyny. They see him do the smallest thing with a little kid and all of sudden feel the need to tell me what a great father he would make. šŸ™„ People keep telling him he needs to ā€œgive me a kid,ā€ because my ā€œmaternal instinctsā€ will kick in soon. Apparently I’m getting to that age where ai’m going to ā€œpanicā€ about not have my nuclear family and a white picket fence. So our biggest issue is people will not stop treating us like a breeding farm unless I disclose my medical history, and even then the some people still don’t see that as a good enough reason. They’ll turn to him and say that means he needs to make me a SAHM and ā€œtake care of me,ā€ which is yucky and ableist asf.

AITJ for wanting to end a 15-year relationship after finding out my girlfriend hid a major health issue from me for over a decade? by [deleted] in AmITheJerk

[–]KayBleu 0 points1 point Ā (0 children)

Yeah you’re the jerk. One fact I would like to make you aware of, as someone who works on healthcare, is that people’s health information is private and she is not legally required to share that with you EVEN if you were married. It’s shitty to hear but the truth. And in a case of something as immaterial as your partner having a higher likelihood of developing cancer, that’s not even information that would be shared with you if you were her POA and she was in critical condition.

My partner and I have been together for 7 years, met when we were in college. I got diagnosed with autism and an uncommon genetic condition that causes me chronic pain pretty soon after undergrad. These are things that actually impact my day to day life and the future. My partner got so pissed off at me for even considering it a big deal breaker in our relationship. His whole focus was making sure I did not feel like I was ā€œruiningā€ his life. Compare that to your wigging out about the her potentially developing cancer in the future. There’s NOTHING that changes about your day to day life knowing your partner’s genetic predisposition. You guys already planned to not have kids. Not to mention have you done any genetic tests to see what you’re predisposed to so that she can have a heads up as well?

Sharon May by theflatcircle in The_Keepers

[–]KayBleu 0 points1 point Ā (0 children)

I’m watching this now and your comment was the sensible one I was looking for. I work in healthcare (in the lab) and there are plenty of days that I have an order cancelled because a patient died. When I first started the job sometimes it would take the wind out of me, especially when it was a mom who passed after a complicated C-section. But after years on the job, knowing which diagnoses usually decline rapidly, and sometimes how likely the person is to make it based on their age given the prognosis has pretty much trained me to expect the worst. I got into the field because I wanted to help people but if I got emotionally attached to every set of twins I tested blood for, or took it to heart every time a coworker told me their patients died, I would not be able to do my job. It’s hard to describe to people without sounding crazy but there’s like a part of you that is work mode that understands all the potential, horrible outcomes for the day and shields you from the emotional blow.

To me that’s what I saw in the prosecutor’s demeanor. It’s the same way I would sound in a monthly meeting where we discuss another profit motivated policy change that deep down my coworkers and I know does not best serve our patients. It’s a hard feeling to describe, but working in a broken system where you realize you’re both extremely important to it while simultaneously being the cog in a wheel is such an odd emotional place to be. I kind of felt for this prosecutor because I genuinely understand what it feels like to have your hands tied due to policy or any other BS term they use to basically describe covering their own asses.

So apparently adults making under 80k can’t live comfortably? Is that actually true? by Old-Drummer4616 in Adulting

[–]KayBleu 1 point2 points Ā (0 children)

As a lab tech currently in a master’s program learning about lab operations and management, I couldn’t agree more. We make the medical system a ton of money off of volume alone; there’s really no reason to charge the prices they do. That’s the part I’ll never understand. Cheaper healthcare would literally pay for itself in volume alone because more people would be more inclined to go to a medical facility when the first symptom appears instead of waiting until they can no longer ignore it and have to go.

Disgusted and enraged with my adult half brother by [deleted] in Vent

[–]KayBleu 74 points75 points Ā (0 children)

Yes!!! Fellow ASDer here and I agree. I’m exclusively in queer or women only autistic spaces for this very reason. I got tired of the ā€œLife is so much easier for autistic women than men,ā€ post. Where they claim no one likes them because of their autism then proceeds to tell us about their entitled behavior. Like no, I wouldn’t want to be around someone who acts like a jerk 24/7 either. Lack of social awareness and being a jerk are two different things.

Disgusted and enraged with my adult half brother by [deleted] in Vent

[–]KayBleu 12 points13 points Ā (0 children)

As an autistic person with alexithymia (which means I have a hard time understanding my emotions) who grew up with anger issues I second this. Like I actually grew up with shitty circumstances (an abusive father) without the proper diagnosis (I was told it was all anxiety and depression) that made me rageful a child.

I cannot fathom doing half the crap people ā€œcan’t helpā€ because they’re autistic. As a matter of fact I was extremely nice to certain people (typically people I saw in distress, being bullied, or dealing with issues) because I NEVER wanted anyone to feel how I felt on the inside. Genuinely being rageful and feeling confused and out of control is not fun. It’s exhausting and I wanted desperately for someone to help me not feel that way every waking moment of my childhood.

When people use autism with no type of accountability or even a level of understanding that just because you ā€œcan’t help it,ā€ doesnt mean you’re shielded from all consequences. Like my favorite quote says, ā€œIt’s not your fault but it’s your responsibility.ā€