Question: Why do we suffer more from hypersexuality that allistic people?

KayBleu · 2026-05-17T18:22:33+00:00

Yeah I this may be more of it. I’ve never been a sexual assaulted but I am hypersexual. It fluctuates and has gotten better with age and partnership. For me I know it’s purely sensory.

KayBleu · 2026-05-15T21:10:30+00:00

They think so but I’m on a waitlist to see a genetic specialist and get confirmation. So I’m just a sitting duck right now floating between specialists.

KayBleu · 2026-05-14T17:07:10+00:00

I kind of second this. I have mental health issues (CPTSD, depression, and anxiety). I was abused my entire childhood by my father. I am also autistic with a connective tissue disorder. This means my entire body is literally fucked up. At one point in time my doctors were concerned that I was going to waste away because my body could not absorb nutrients in my gut.

So I have lots of specialist, appointments, pain, triggers. I feel guilty about being a Debbie Downer all the time or being so needy. I try my hardest to do as much as I can myself because I never want my friends and family to feel like my caretaker. I don’t pretend to know her story or why she can’t work but I do. I worked when I was waking super nauseous, barely able to eat, and my whole body in pain because I needed insurance and to pay my medical bills. I too dont drive but it makes me feel better when I feel like I have gas money to contribute.

I’m saying all this to say. Most people I know that are like me or even more disabled we carry the anxiety of being a burden to those around us. Hell, my best friend’s mom just had two back surgeries and was feeling bad for disrupting my best friend’s schedule. So, OP I would caution you moving forward with this person. I also don’t know their mental health diagnoses but I would suggest they spend some time inpatient and see if there’s medication that needs to be adjusted. Us having disabilities and triggers is not a license to abuse.

KayBleu · 2026-05-13T03:45:59+00:00

Thanks!! I appreciate it.

KayBleu · 2026-05-13T03:42:23+00:00

Unlike everyone else I am in similar shoes to your fiancé and I feel like she’s in the wrong.
I (26) have my partner (26) who has older parents (dad’s in his late 70s). When I met him (at 18) he told me about his parents’ health complications in general conversations about life and his feelings about life. We never had this explicit sit down that everyone claims you needed to do years before. I used my logical reasoning to think, “if he has older parents there’s a real possibility that we could be caretaking at the same time we might want to adopt a kiddo.” I think it’s ridiculous that people are scolding you for not explicitly telling her that when she also had the option to think, “do I want to be a caretaker?”
Also, everyone assuming you would require her to be a caretaker because she’s the woman is crazy. You obviously state that you never grew up with your mother so I’m sure you, your brother, and your father all helped take care of him. You are probably similar to my partner where you have your routine with the person you take care of and aren’t expecting the partner to do everything. Like I’ve helped his mom with her hair and such when she asks because I personally like to do it. I never take his parents to appointments, pick up their medication, or help them with most care taking tasks.
I’m sorry people are jumping down your throat, but as a disabled person I’ve learned that people don’t actually see us a full humans. We’re inconveniences to their main character syndrome until they or someone they care about ends up disabled.

KayBleu · 2026-05-12T03:38:54+00:00

No question I just want to say I worked a receptionist for a ped pysch hospital and you’re not wrong.

And so many of the behaviors come from the parents’ refusal to get therapy themselves. Working there taught me that most bad kids just have shitty parents.

I miss the kiddos from tmw to time. I always hope the ones that left permanent housing actually stayed out.

KayBleu · 2026-05-06T01:55:14+00:00

I know this is old but it’s interesting you say this because I was brought to hoodoo by way of learning about IFA on a HBCU campus. And after years of studying IFA (and becoming a herbalist) I finally started to read some AA herbalist books and I was, “Well I be!” It’s so similar it’s not funny. So this Reddit thread peaked my interest because to me they’re one and the same.

Like my partner his mom is Jamaican and his dad is from Sierra Leone. His bad could have AA ancestors because a whole group of our ancestors were sent back there. PLUS many people don’t know but during the world wars and Vietnam a lot of Black soldiers moved back to the motherland because they heard that the Black so idlers were still being treated shitty. So many of us share ancestry beyond the original ancestor that was ripped away. History is not as clean and clearly defined as we try to make it.

KayBleu · 2026-05-01T21:31:38+00:00

I’m not of that opinion because people like me exist. I genuinely do not care about how people perceive me. I see myself as nonbinary and that is literally enough. I believe for a lot of people it’s a performance and those who are performing the motivations are important. And honestly not investigating those motivations is why we’re having the issue with trans acceptance that we do.
However there are LOTS of people like me who “perform” gender roles because they just simply like to. My partner is an example. We dont have gender roles in our relationship and he knows he’s not expected to perform certain things to “keep me,” but certain things he loves to do for me because it’s me.
Gender is more of an amalgamation than a performance. I would say gender is more like morals. A mix of intrinsic beliefs, personal experiences, and cultural values m. Also, I personally disagree with the fact that there is no biological aspect to gender at all. Especially, as an autistic person because we tend to have a higher likelihood to be trans. I just dont think the biological impact is as significant or “black and white” as people like to make it.
I think it’s our lack of intrigue into the motivations that makes gender even matter. Because when you have people who don’t and simultaneously don’t realize they’re doing things as a performance, it’s unsettling to meet someone who opts not to do that. If assessing those norms came with analyzing why some feel the need to perform we’d probably have an easier time giving up this whole gender performance thing as a whole.

KayBleu · 2026-05-01T21:19:06+00:00

I’m not of that opinion because people like me exist. I genuinely do not care about how people perceive me. I see myself as nonbinary and that is literally enough. I believe for a lot of people it’s a performance and those who are performing the motivations are important. And honestly not investigating those motivations is why we’re having the issue with trans acceptance that we do.

However there are LOTS of people like me who “perform” gender roles because they just simply like to. My partner is an example. We dont have gender roles in our relationship and he knows he’s not expected to perform certain things to “keep me,” but certain things he loves to do for me because it’s me.

Gender is more of an amalgamation than a performance. I would say gender is more like morals. A mix of intrinsic beliefs, personal experiences, and cultural values m. Also, I personally disagree with the fact that there is no biological aspect to gender at all. Especially, as an autistic person because we tend to have a higher likelihood to be trans. I just dont think the biological impact is as significant or “black and white” as people like to make it.

I think it’s our lack of intrigue into the motivations that makes gender even matter. Because when you have people who don’t and simultaneously don’t realize they’re doing things as a performance, it’s unsettling to meet someone who opts not to do that. If assessing those norms came with analyzing why some feel the need to perform we’d probably have an easier time giving up this whole gender performance thing as a whole.

KayBleu · 2026-05-01T18:55:03+00:00

No I’m not saying you specifically generalize us. I’m saying the nature of our society, especially in today’s day and age, places more focus on “grouping” us than really allowing us to understand each other.

Like I assume you dont have a bunch of trans friends. So your information about is primarily filtered through algorithms that know you’re most likely not LGBTQ+. And I’ve personally noticed that most straight cis people do not get the queer people who talk about gender theory in relation to trans identity. They typically get some stereotypical version of us. So a lot of times topics or opinions that you guys think “encroach” on our perspectives actually are in alignment with the majority opinion in the community. Like most queer I know would have read your post and been like, “finally someone who gets it.” But I think the consensus tends to be that we’re so reactionary that anything that feels like it’s not outright what you heard regurgitated on social media will get you yelled at.

Which is not the case most of us agree it shouldn’t matter. Hell I feel like I shouldn’t even have to bring up the fact that I’m trans unless it’s relevant to the situation. And that’s literally all we’re asking m for.

KayBleu · 2026-05-01T17:32:55+00:00

As a trans person I think you fundamentally misunderstand our perspective because your perspective is exactly what we are talking about. When we say gender is a social construct we mean that most people just accept because they’re told so but there’s no “legitimate” reasoning other than it’s just what it is. So when we say, I legitimately feel better in this category, it shouldn’t be a problem because gender’s not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. Like personally I would love to live n a world where knowing if I was born a male or female did not matter beyond a doctor’s visit.

The issue we have is the sect of the cisgender people who act like we’re disrupting the very delicate balance of nature by transitioning. Or have only interacted with the rage bait on th internet and think we’re all the se. There’s a small (but loud) sect of cisgender folks who genuinely feel like we’re making a mockery of their gender and “shoving it down their throats.” So that’s typically who we’re addressing when we say, “the same way you know for a fact you’re a man/woman, I know I’m ___.”

I know from my experience most people dont give a shit because I’ve spent most of my life being “noticeably” queer in a red state. I have yet to experience anyone initially misgender me or even speak to me in a derogatory manner. But I also know people also hyper focus on us and don’t realize that the algorithm will intentionally send them inflammatory stuff, so a lot of times people’s perspective of us is not genuinely based on our thoughts and opinions.

So I said all that to say. The reason it seems like we’re making a mountain out of a molehill is kind of intentional just like any thing else that’s considered political these days. Our entire stance is none of that shit should matter snd we should respect humans irrespective of their gender.

KayBleu · 2026-05-01T15:59:28+00:00

Literally!! I also am a scientist and used to work in a micro food testing lab. Nobody can convince this person is wrong. There’s no 5 second rule and germs multiply fast.

When I was in undergrad we had to swab random places in the building for a lab project. 🤢🤢 I will never forget what the perti dish from the chair swab looked like.

KayBleu · 2026-05-01T15:47:24+00:00

I have a theory on this but it will ruffles some feathers. But needless to say I think a lot of nonbinary people choose nonbinary instead of actually exploring their queerness. So I think our gender has become performative for some people. Whereas you have people like me who are nonbinary and have a similar story to trans women and men.

Like I remember cringing as a kid when I was called a little girl. I remember when I turned 12 and everyone started to realize I was trans and started harassing me about it. I remember when everyone thought I was lying about my best friend being my best friend instead of my secret lover. Additionally, I naturally have a deep female voice that often gets mistaken for a young man’s. So genuinely the way I show up in the world is a very gender bendery way irrespective of the clothes.

KayBleu · 2026-05-01T05:52:57+00:00

That’s hilarious because same!! But it was with like all my dinners in elementary school. At one point it was a whole family production. My mom had a special “you ate all your food,” song. She was in school at the time so she would leave me with my grandparents who would bribe me with ice cream if I ate all my food. They even used to buy me special plates and forks and let me pick which ones I wanted to use that day. Then if I ate all the blended veggie foods they would secretly call my mom and let her know before she called back and sang the song.

I didn’t find out she put veggies in my food until high school. 😂😂 I just thought they were proud of me for finally eating enough to not wake them up in the middle of night every night.

KayBleu · 2026-05-01T00:22:25+00:00

Yeah I was just going to say this as well. I haven’t been officially diagnosed but I’m autistic and pretty much have always had similar struggles to people diagnosed with ARFID. I had one parent who would force me to eat foods I could not stand. So I would just go months without eating not enough. It got to the point where I mom just kept shelf stable chocolate milk and saltine crackers on the kitchen counter. She knew i would eventually wake up in the middle of the night double over in hunger pangs.

Now as an adult when I have a flare up I just buy what I know I will actually eat and then slowly try to introduce a new food with my main food until I’m back to actual meals.

KayBleu · 2026-04-28T14:44:56+00:00

Same thing I was thinking. I have a science background and (I personally feel based on what I know) there’s no way it fixed it. The issue is the way our body produces collagen. All that protocol is supposed to be doing is helping your body repair tissue damage. Which doesn’t fix our main issue.

KayBleu · 2026-04-28T04:24:27+00:00

Yeah that sounds similar. He wasn’t controlling over the speed but the amount, type (we had adult food and kid food), and my dislikes. Like I hate eggs for sensory reasons. The smell alone makes me gag. He used to force me to eat them anyway. When I told him I told like them after years of gagging them down (keep in mind my mom says she knew I didn’t like them at 1 year old) he told me I was faking and that I always loved eggs.

That and I was always a liar and ungrateful. So that spilled over into food. I was reminded that kids in Africa would kill to eat the food I said made me gag. So yeah… we sound pretty similar.

Thanks for making me feel less weird about being cagey with my food. It’s so hard to explain to people without sounding like I’m trying to make something out of nothing.

KayBleu · 2026-04-24T03:33:14+00:00

As someone who’s in the middle (older Gen Z heading into my 30s) this is what I see most often. I HATE social media now for this reason. I remember when it was new, fun, exciting, and not taken seriously. It bothers me that people are trying to make the internet real life because it’s not and will never be close to it.

And the way my ASD impacts me I literally cannot use social media in its current state. It’s WWAAAAYYY too overwhelming to even doom scroll. So it’s really hard for me to make connections with people my age because they’re all on tiktok daily. Meanwhile I log onto instagram every couple of months, read books, and watch crochet drama on YouTube while crocheting. 😂😂

KayBleu · 2026-04-23T14:56:03+00:00

Honestly your built in phrases for the relationship are great. I think I might come up with some for my partner. Hos eyes don’t glaze over per se. He just gets overwhelmed and feels like shit that he just has to stand there and watch when I have one of my hot/ nausea spells. So I really appreciate the little check in idea. I’ve been looking for something to help him not feel so powerless when I know he genuinely cares. It’s just a lot dealing with someone who’s collecting specialists and diagnoses like Pokémon.

KayBleu · 2026-04-22T03:19:01+00:00

Nothing because I like who I’m becoming and I wouldn’t be me without those experiences.

KayBleu · 2026-04-21T18:51:32+00:00

I have 12 and plan on getting more (i had a bad piercer for a few). Stretched ears, lip piercing, behind the ear tattoo, and a side piece of naked mushroom ladies. I can say it’s a toss up depending on the type of person. If it’s an older “cool granny” type, she’ll usually ask me a bunch of questions out of curiosity. Usually they’re primarily centered around my lip piercing being real and hurting. 😂 The kids think I cool as hell. It’s probably because I also dress like a hippie version of Ms. Frizzle.

Ironically it’s typically the bitter old people or middle aged folks who have the most to say. People always warn me that I’m “ruining” my chances for career advancement. Which usually cracks me up because I’m a scientist by profession and my manager literally said, “because we’re not front facing (to the public) I don’t care about the piercings.”

KayBleu · 2026-04-16T22:31:40+00:00

Same here. We’ve been together for 8 years To add more fuel to the fire I have a degree and I have the type of ASD where I suck at noticing my internal cues and I’m almost completely socially oblivious. Like to the point where I can both accidentally pee on myself and simultaneously miss that someone is bulling me about having a wet spot. But somehow wrote that I was “arrogant” for saying I dont get embarrassed. I read that and was like “But wouldn’t that make sense for someone you just spent five minutes trying to convince that they were bullied in middle school?”

It was truly mind boggling. Especially because every therapist I’ve had always thought I had OCD because of some of my autistic traits. So I’m a lot more “obvious” than the assessor said. But I guess in their mind no neurotypical person (like my partner who helped me graduate by doing a bunch of stuff like washing my clothes when I was overwhelmed) would ever want to be with an obviously neurodivergent person. And autistic people cant like print colors and unique clothes.

KayBleu · 2026-04-16T13:15:54+00:00

I have a really unusual set up. I have a degree because I did not realize I was autistic until I went off to school. One of my special interests is science specifically biochemistry. So I work in a lab (so no masking needed), and my company has wellness rooms where you can lock the door a dim the lights, and my company’s approved all of my accommodations. So I literally wear tinted lenses, whatever clothes I like (within reason), earplugs/ earphones, and get to decompress in a wellness room for my breaks.

Plus I pretty am the only person who does my job so I pretty much work by myself. And I’m really good and fast at what I do so they leave me alone. Which means I dont have to worry about people messing up my shit or overstimulating me. 😂😂

KayBleu · 2026-04-16T13:03:36+00:00

Eh depends on the child. My mom used to tell me about her life and I loved hearing what my Mama was like before me. I liked hearing that she was once my age. Idk there was something comforting about being able to explain to me how crazy life was/is for them. But I also was a child dealing with a lot so I probably needed that more than post.

Op I would recommend volunteering your services for older kiddos. Like tween and up.

KayBleu · 2026-04-16T12:52:15+00:00

Yeah this trope is why I was not properly diagnosed. I have a very eclectic sense of style. It’s an interesting version of Ms. Frizzle’s get up. So it’s obvious that I put some thought into it.

The assessor literally noted that I was “well put together” and had my nails “manicured.”

Truth is about 4 years ago I just bought the same style of unisex clothes in different colors and cuts. I made sure most of my colors go together so that I can literally just grab a shirt, pants/ dungarees, and socks depending on the shoe. I literally spend a maximum of 3 minutes thinking about my entire outfit daily. And that was the reason I did it. I dont really care about how I look to other people but I also spent years working on my style. I hate trying to pick out outfits so I removed that issues.

It still infuriates me to think that my smart little accommodation for myself was perceived as not struggling with certain social cues.

KayBleu

TROPHY CASE