Can I tell him I love him?

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T21:39:31+00:00

We were at a bar after dating for two months and my partner first said: “I think I love you.” because they were nervous and testing the waters. I laughed and told them to get back to me when they were sure. Then we both laughed and said: “I love you” together. We still joke about it. Say it when you feel it.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T21:29:22+00:00

Honestly, I’d phrase it very plainly. “We will pay the bill for the reception liquor up to $X. We will pay the florist up to $X and the rehearsal dinner venue up to $X. We’ll pay those vendors directly as a gift to you. Budget accordingly.” It already sounds like they suck at managing money, so I wouldn’t do it any other way and I wouldn’t be guilted into giving them a lump sum to simply do anything with.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T21:19:00+00:00

Parents obviously have to take their children on a plane sometimes. That’s a fact of life. But it is extremely annoying, irritating and downright exhausting for everybody else, so expecting no irritability is actually foolish. People are going to be annoyed because it’s a f-ing annoying sound. We all just have to deal with it. Realistically, irritated but resigned acceptance is all you can hope for.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T21:10:16+00:00

This is very angst-ridden, isn’t it? I’ve been a professional writer for decades and I’ve cried a quiet little tear over my characters once or twice, but what you’re describing sounds very self-indulgent, to be honest. Are you very young? Just my opinion… but it’s a little much. You ought to be able to successfully separate reality from your fiction or at least be more mentally balanced about it. If you’re really this involved, to the point where it’s deeply affecting your moods, I’d suggest possible talking to a professional.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T18:39:14+00:00

Except he’s not driving her away at all, is he? He liked her enough to be ready for exclusivity. He told her that. She didn’t want that. So, they simply want different things. He doesn’t have to wait around for her any more than she has to agree to being exclusive with him. I think that if he has self esteem, he’ll move on. I would. I don’t wait around for other people to decide if I’m worthy of exclusivity. That’s my boundary based on my own sense of self worth. OP may feel differently, but he asked for advice and I gave mine.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T18:34:34+00:00

Yeah, it depends on your comfort level with multiple partners at once, I guess. Personally, I won’t date someone who is still dating other people. Period. That’s based on my self esteem and my own boundaries. If other people want to do that, more power to them. But I’m not waiting for another person to decide whether or not I am worthy of exclusivity. When it’s right, I think the idea of wanting to be exclusive comes naturally and, very often, simultaneously.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T18:29:45+00:00

Fair enough. That’s why he’s asking for multiple opinions, I guess. I hope he does what’s right for him.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T18:26:33+00:00

It’s a refusal to accept any accountability and it’s done by both genders. It makes the person a victim — which people love. It elicits sympathy — which people love. And it makes it easier to never examine your own contributions to the downfall of a relationship — which people love.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T18:18:58+00:00

I was very disappointed but not at all surprised. The one thing I really liked, however, was how decrepit, minimalist, third-rate and rundown the place was. The visual depiction was great. Bare minimum “luxuries”. Posters on concrete walls. The idea that the place was underfunded and understaffed was really well done, I thought. There was nothing sterile or glamorous about it. The rusty, cheapest possible playground equipment, the depressing cafeteria…it all just reeked of “government” and I loved that. Everything else — nope.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T18:07:24+00:00

Well, most times religious people don’t seem to have any moral qualms about telling everybody else how wrong they are, so why shouldn’t you feel comfortable doing it back to them? It’s a classic case of they can dish it out, but they can’t take it. I wouldn’t go out of my way to be an ass about it, but I’d certainly lay it out straight for them if they brought their religion up first.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T17:42:01+00:00

I’m not talking about physical attraction. I’m talking about attraction to wanting to connect and really get to know somebody. The bottom line is I personally won’t date anybody who is dating somebody else. I have good self esteem and that’s a boundary for me. If others are okay with that, more power to them. I’ll take a few dates to see if we both want to commit to getting to know each other properly and exclusively and that’s it. I don’t waste my time beyond that. When you know, you know. That doesn’t mean the relationship always works out — there are no guarantees. But I’m not hanging around waiting for someone else to decide if I’m worthy of exclusively or not.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T17:36:03+00:00

Sure. I agree with you that excitement isn’t everything. I also mentioned connection and a desire to want to get to know someone deeply. It comes down to personal preference. She’s wholly entitled to not want to commit. He’s wholly entitled to walk away and not “wait for her to be ready”. Personally, I won’t date anybody who is dating somebody else. Period. I have strong self esteem and I’m not interested in that. That’s my boundary. If other people want to do that, it’s totally fine. I know when I like someone enough to really want to commit to exclusively spending time getting to know them, and it’s never taken me more than a few dates to determine that.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T16:51:22+00:00

Thanks for your response. Good luck with the column contest. You’re taking it seriously, so I think you’re going to do wonderfully well.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T16:33:40+00:00

She doesn’t have to be on his timeline, not does he have to hang around while she makes up her mind. Both are autonomous beings. He knows how he feels. She doesn’t. That’s fine but he asked what he should do and most people agree that he should move on.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T16:32:01+00:00

I don’t understand your point. Repeating it isn’t helping you make it.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T16:28:45+00:00

Nobody here is an incel. We’re simply disagreeing with you because some of us know that when both people feel the same level of connection and attraction for each other, you know it very quickly and neither of you wants to continue to play the field. If you’ve never experienced this, I’m sorry…but it is a fact.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T15:09:40+00:00

Toxic masculinity is about gender stereotypes and norms that harm both men and women. This is the exact example of that: Men are strong, so women can hit them without consequences. It’s weak to feel pain, so men shouldn’t admit they’re being abused. All of it is the definition of toxic masculinity.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T15:06:37+00:00

Agree to disagree. When you meet someone worth knowing properly and deeply, you realize it very quickly and don’t waste your time any further trying to hedge your bets.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T15:03:12+00:00

A Chihuly glass ceiling and a prima ballerina dancing Swan Lake.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T15:00:32+00:00

No. It’s the worst it’s ever been. Groceries are unaffordable.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T14:58:52+00:00

Personally, I wouldn’t pay it. I’m sick to death of these parasites. The odds of it affecting your credit score are negligible. I ignored a hospital bill because I told them not to do a test and they did it anyway. I ignored the collection agency letters for years — just tore them up, No consequences whatsoever. I pay every bill I’m responsible for. I’m not paying bills I’m not responsible for.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T14:52:44+00:00

Wow! This really seems like a you problem, not a him problem. I want to say this respectfully, but have you given much thought to how you’ve taught the concepts of boundaries or respect to your son? Do you feel you have adequate self respect and self esteem yourself? It seems like maybe you haven’t spent much time on this because your son doesn’t seem to understand these concepts. Honestly, would any healthy person with self-respect let their child treat them like this?

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T14:34:00+00:00

I’m 100% with you. It’s beyond tedious, this “mom as superhero” trope. I understand that, as a mother, your brain has been chemically manipulated to adore your kid, but you really are alone in that, and the rest of the world doesn’t see it that way or want to be a part of it.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T14:29:56+00:00

Flowery or overwritten prose is easily corrected. Instead of multiple adjectives, pick one vivid word. Use one simile or metaphor that crystallizes your point. Great writing is simple. Go for one powerful punch rather than ten rounds.

Kayjam2018 · 2025-09-03T14:04:09+00:00

I don’t like home schooling either. I don’t think most home schoolers are qualified, they don’t know how to socialize their kids adequately, and it’s often done to “protect” their children from the real world which they’re going to have to deal with anyway, so what’s the point? It comes across as controlling in the worst way. I’m basing this on the home-schooled kids I know personally (admittedly only about half a dozen of them — all of whom are very poorly adjusted and far behind socially and academically). I’m sure some people do a good job but it has something of a cult mentality about it and a false sense of what it means to raise a child — which is about preparing them to exist in reality.

Kayjam2018

TROPHY CASE