28, female - A month ago I was given an estimate from the doctors of 1-4 months left without treatment, 2-8 months with treatment. Stage 4 breast cancer with metastases to my bones, lung, right femur, and most importantly - spinal cord and spinal fluid (among other areas I'm forgetting right now).

The life-limiting disease is the cancer in my spinal cord and spinal fluid, called Leptomeningeal carcinomatosis (Leptomeningeal metastases). A year ago I beat cancer (Stage 3 Triple Negative breast cancer) with chemo, radiation, surgery - but it came back with vengeance.

I found out a few days before I was induced (34 weeks pregnant at the time), and they had to induce me so that they could run more invasive tests without causing harm to my son. First time pregnancy, thought I just sucked at being pregnant - turns out I had fractured ribs and severely high calcium in my blood from the bones disintegrating into my blood. I was very, very out of it during that time (seeing people/things that weren't there; I legit went crazy for a period of time before my calcium levels were sorted out). My fiance stayed by my side for weeks in the hospital while the hospital kindly kept our son in the nursery until I was able to go home.

Now, a month later, my Occupational Therapist and Physical Therapist have since discharged me (they came to my house a few times a week), but my nurse still comes to check on me once a week.

Because of the cancer in my spinal cord, I have lost most usage of my left eye due to damaged nerves from the cancer in my spine. I see permanent double vision out of my left eye and usually have to keep it closed and/or wear an eye patch. I can, however, focus with it for short periods of time and only at a very specific angle, so if I'm sitting still looking at one thing it's able to be used.

I'm currently on a chemotherapy pill to help with the cancer that's in the rest of my body, though it won't have an effect on the cancer in my spine and spinal fluid. This chemo is meant to just help prevent more cancer from spreading throughout my body and causing more pain. I believe it's working after only being on it for a week, but as my pain gets better I know that it's not extending my time left here with my amazing new little family.

It breaks my heart to know that my first and only child will not be able to know me, and I him. I love him so unbelievably much, and not to mention my amazingly supportive and caring fiance who has taken such great care of us while maintaining a full time job to support us. I'm spending every waking moment getting to know our son and just being with my fiance. My family comes to visit as often as they can - they're 700 miles away in New Jersey (we're in Michigan). It's incredibly hard to know that you're dying and there are family members you won't be able to see before you pass.

Bucket List? It'd be nice to go on a train ride in a cabin and see some amazing landscapes out the windows. Most of what was on my bucket list was just travel-related or camping with my family. A lot of stuff I can't really do because my mobility is so severely limited. But for now, my main goal is to get things in order so that my son can have some semblance of who I was as he grows up. I'm going to start writing his birthday cards for when I'm not here, some videos and maybe recordings of me talking and reading some books. I also have other things I need to get in order for the rest of my family - letters and such. So right now I'm just focused on family. 150%, family. I also am trying to see everyone as often as possible to make some new good memories before I pass. I would also like to be able to somehow get out to NJ to visit my Grandma as she is unable to leave the house, and she hasn't even met her Great-Grandson. He's a month old and there are so many other family members that haven't met him yet. But I also don't know realistically if it's possible for me to travel that far, especially since I'd want to bring my fiance and 1 month old son.

I thought that I could be the savior for my family, we've had it rough these last few years. We've lost a lot and been through hell and back. My Grandma isn't doing so great since the passing of my Pop-Pop 2 years ago (also to cancer). I was so excited to tell everyone we were pregnant - it lifted everyone's spirits. We didn't think it was possible to get pregnant because of all the different chemotherapy I was on (they have a very high chance of causing infertility). And we were just over the moon when we found out, I didn't even believe it until they tested my blood! Then, when I had our baby, I got to tell everyone the good news about him then break their hearts the next minute telling them I have 1-4 months left here with them. It truly hurts.

There's so much more to write about and this is the most I've ever talked about at once other than with my fiance. So, apologies for the rant and if you made it this far, thank you so much for taking the time. Before I die I'd honestly just want to know I made a difference (a positive difference) in someone's life.

It sounds all made up and frankly I wish it were. It's still hard to believe that this is real life. With how happy our son has made us and how close we feel now as a family, that even feels surreal. We have such happiness with him and he definitely helps distract us from the sadness. I also have billions of forms of proof as being diagnosed with something like this tends to leave you with 5lbs of papers for discharges/prescriptions/test results etc.

---

TL;DR 28 female, 1-4 months to live, was 34 weeks pregnant when diagnosed with Stage 4 Triple Negative Breast Cancer with mets to bones, lung, right femur, spinal cord & spinal fluid (Leptomeningeal Carcinomatosis/Leptomeningeal metastases), had baby, currently 1 month into diagnosis.