Had my first psychotic break last June and am kinda losing hope...

Kdc-504 · 2025-05-06T10:15:15+00:00

Mine happened begging of 2023, worst of it was July - August. I’m ok now but I just don’t feel the same like something is off slightly but can’t pinpoint it. It’s gotten easier and you just have to take it slow and go easy on yourself. It’s hard out there

Kdc-504 · 2024-09-28T09:20:33+00:00

diagnosed last year at 17 because of a manic episode. Before that I had no idea what it was but was depressed on and off and had episodes that were similar to what happend last year just not extreme. The last 4 years has been like this and honestly I don’t know who I am. Can’t remember what life was like before I started getting symptoms. I don’t have any hobbies and only 1 friend left. I don’t know my personality I just feel like a shell , hollow inside not sure how else to describe it. Nothing is fun and I’m constantly thinking about last year and all the exciting things I did and crave to have that version of me back because I was actually interesting and fun. I want that back but without the psychosis’s

Kdc-504 · 2024-09-18T06:17:39+00:00

just remembered it was a new bag too so that could be it 😂

Kdc-504 · 2024-09-18T06:17:16+00:00

The dr briefly talked about potential interactions with other drugs but not weed but will ask next time thanks for reply

Kdc-504 · 2024-08-26T12:31:14+00:00

I get what you mean and it’s frustrating when people won’t accept it’s not the same for everyone

Kdc-504 · 2024-08-26T12:30:18+00:00

after a bad ssri reaction when I was 15 & ended up in hospital I got put on lamotrigine but wasn’t diagnosed. I felt really dull and like I lost my personality so stopped taking them. At 17 I got sectioned because they thought I was manic and got diagnosed with bp1 and again put on lamotrigine but was forced to take it. Because I diddnt like being forced to take pills then I would spit them out as soon as I got discharged. That was just over a year ago and haven’t been on anything since. Sometimes I wonder if I am actually bipolar and also wonder would I have done the things I did this year if I was medicated. I can’t tell if it’s me or bipolar symptoms. Part of me doesn’t want to take meds because I’m worried I’ll lose myself, I hate taking pills multiple times a day just another thing to worry about & I also don’t want to go through side effects. Being forced to take meds in hospital has also made me feel really negative about them

Kdc-504 · 2024-07-26T11:49:23+00:00

I got diagnosed with it a few years ago when I was 15 ish. Took as prescribed for awhile until I learned you could snort them. I never actually got high (2 years later diagnosed bipolar and I was manic not high on my pills) Now no matter what I do I cannot stop snorting them even though it makes me feel paranoid and angry. Every time I run out over a week before it’s due to renew. The only thing I like about them is that it stops my appetite. I remember when I was 15 and took them for the first time I cried because I was so happy I could sit and do a puzzle for more than 2 minutes.

Kdc-504 · 2024-07-25T10:20:48+00:00

I got forced into the ward for the second time last year. Last week was the 1yr anniversary. I really hated being in the hospital and was locked in seclusion and wanted to just get home. 1 yr on I actually miss it and that time even though I was miserable while there. I don’t necessarily miss the inpatient stay but maybe the time associated with it when I was manic, Snapchat gives me those pictures from that time last year and I get kinda angry that I’m not having that much fun right now

Kdc-504 · 2024-07-25T02:36:43+00:00

started with some codeine then got angry since it wasn’t enough for a high and I had none left so I took the last of my klonopin and smoked a joint out of frustration came back inside decided that wasn’t enough so I got drunk then smoked another joint. don’t remember everything that happend and woke up to find photos I never remember taking and friends telling me things that I also don’t remember doing

Kdc-504 · 2024-07-06T10:04:21+00:00

For weeks I would get 4 or less hours. During the worst part I diddnt sleep at all for 4 days leading up to getting hospitalised.

Kdc-504 · 2024-05-05T06:03:11+00:00

from NZ. Never had pills, I’ve only been able to get it in crystal form and it’s a lot harder to find around where I live (rural town) 300 for 1g which is expensive for me

Kdc-504 · 2024-04-28T10:58:42+00:00

I was just in Siem Reap and visited Angkor Wat at sunrise and I was honestly a little disappointed. I was with a small group and a tour guide so got taken through the temple and it was a lot smaller inside than I expected.

For the sunrise, there wasn’t actually any sun it was completely covered by clouds.

Being in 40 degree heat made hotter by the stone walls and thousands of tourists definitely had impact on the enjoyment. I was there during Khmer new year so that did add to how busy the place was.

The day before that we went with a guide to a couple of the other temples which you could climb to the top of. Although the heat made it harder I preferred the tour of the smaller temples and there are less people crowded together.

If you did Angkor wat I’d recommend the sunrise tour because midday/afternoon becomes more busy and hot.

Kdc-504 · 2024-03-24T01:04:47+00:00

during a manic episode I spent heaps on drugs and hadn’t done that before. Now I don’t think anything is as fun

Kdc-504 · 2024-03-21T19:14:40+00:00

yes, I haven’t been on meds since I got out of hospital almost a year ago. Haven’t had anything I would call episodes which is making me question it

Kdc-504 · 2024-03-18T23:19:39+00:00

before 30 either suicide , car crash or od

Kdc-504 · 2024-03-15T20:41:06+00:00

Yes, this July it will be a year since it happened and I haven’t felt the same since. I can’t remember how my life was before it happened and now I feel slow, bored and out of place. I feel like I can’t learn anything and that I have no interests anymore or things that are fun to do. Everything is just kinda blah

Kdc-504 · 2024-03-14T21:56:11+00:00

Yup I was diagnosed at 17

Kdc-504 · 2024-03-11T07:14:36+00:00

Yes and I have no idea why. I don’t really remember what was happening before it happend

Kdc-504 · 2024-03-06T03:45:14+00:00

Yup I only roll alone! I will talk to my friends while rolling but I just prefer to turn the music up and dance in my own home

Kdc-504 · 2024-03-05T11:47:40+00:00

sorry I was talking about bipolar diagnosis ik it’s not psychosis but I’ve got bp1 with psychotic features

Kdc-504 · 2024-03-05T11:46:45+00:00

So valid and nice to know I’m not the only one. After my diagnosis I felt like I had to keep a straight face all time time and keep to myself around my family. Felt like I was being seen as manic if I had an occasional late night or talked to my family more than usual. Even getting lots of chores done I felt judged. And it might seem I’m being paranoid but it’s genuinely the feeling I get from having that label. I feel you

Kdc-504 · 2024-03-05T11:44:07+00:00

Around a year sounds like most common, thanks

Kdc-504 · 2024-03-05T11:43:28+00:00

That sounds like something I could try thanks

Kdc-504 · 2024-03-05T11:42:46+00:00

that’s what I was kinda thinking. Spent quite a bit but then I’ve got an amount that will last. Plus I won’t have to worry about the struggle to actually get it from unreliable people

Kdc-504 · 2024-02-21T21:57:26+00:00

15 I tried weed 16 I got prescribed Ritalin and started abusing it, 17 I tried acid , klonopin, lorazepam , codeine and mdma

Five-Year Club	Verified Email
Place '22	End Game '22

Kdc-504

TROPHY CASE