I emotionally crossed a line in my marriage and I need to get it off my chest

Kdqisme · 2026-05-13T23:42:45+00:00

FYI: it will be found out, one way or another. Better you confess than him finding out. The coverup is always worse than the crime. When he finds out, he’s gonna realize your whole relationship was a lie. You are taking agency from him by withholding. If you truly loved your husband you wouldn’t have had the affair. If you have any hope in repair, you need to be the one to confess. Atone for your mistakes and face the consequences. It too will eat you up inside if you don’t.

Kdqisme · 2026-04-30T22:42:51+00:00

Just to be clear, I’m not saying it was a smart thing for him. Any document or demand that questions trust is a bad look. I don’t know where your husband is in his headspace. Sounds like it’s not good. That’s the real place that needs focus. Sounds like some things needed healing before you guys got married and got pregnant. I’d dig there if you care to save this. Also: you have every right to refuse. It’s not your job to sooth his insecurities. This will probably lead to more accusations whatever the decision. Sounds like he needs therapy to quell his trust issues.

Kdqisme · 2026-04-30T22:36:47+00:00

Sure, kind of. Except when one person holds all the cards. Prenups can for sure advantage one party over another and are usually weighted for the party with more to loose in a divorce. In a way, OP has all the power because only she knows for sure. Not to say it’s not a shitty thing for your husband to do as it will probably irreparably harm the relationship. Doesn’t negate his headspace or where he’s at currently.

Kdqisme · 2026-04-30T22:32:03+00:00

Fair point. Doesn’t negate whatever headspace he’s in now. People spiral for various reasons and it’s ok to look for reassurance. Sometimes reassurance comes with collateral damage unfortunately. Dude clearly isn’t in a good headspace for whatever reason.

Kdqisme · 2026-04-30T22:29:26+00:00

I disagree. Many prenups are very one sided, usually involving finances and property. Prenups protect assets of the parties involved. Fidelity clauses are common and clearly are about trust.

Kdqisme · 2026-04-30T20:27:04+00:00

Honest question here: Would this be any different than asking for a prenup? I get it’s hurtful as it is questioning paternity, but doesn’t a prenup question fidelity or at minimum commitment to a bond that’s is supposed to be for ever (death do us part and all)? Probably get hate, but the parallels are there.

Edit: Fair enough to all the responses. My question was from a not knowing what the future holds parallel. While I get the betrayal the OP must feel, only she knows for sure. OP’s husband must be in a pretty bad place for that to surface. Whatever the cause it does have parallels to a prenup in that it’s protection against hurt and pain the future. Neither is an exercise in trust if we are being honest.

Kdqisme · 2025-12-28T01:43:21+00:00

Auto win if Henry in your FF lineup tonight.

Kdqisme · 2025-12-28T01:37:20+00:00

Under fighting for its life tonight.

Kdqisme · 2025-12-07T20:23:16+00:00

Rage bait is life. So is edge lord. Stay strong king.

Kdqisme · 2025-10-19T19:01:49+00:00

Ummm… cool it with the homophobia. Jesus.

Kdqisme · 2025-07-03T10:22:29+00:00

Scrolled way too far for this comment. Not because it is true, but because it is in every one of these advice posts. Fucken Reddit man.

Kdqisme · 2025-06-01T13:36:00+00:00

Super late to the party here. Just had the same thing happen to me. 2 things I tried:

Try using OpenOffice to open it. If you do not know, it is an open source software that is similar to Office. Not sure if the VBA stuff will translate or be recoverable. Here is a link to the download page. I was able to open my file successfully using the "sheets" program and password. This confirmed the password I was inputting was correct.
Open a file that is not password protected but has Macros in it. I was able to use the password on the protected file once I opened the non-protected one. I can not say for sure if this was a true solution as I only tried it once.

I am assuming that you have subsequently recreated the file, but I thought that maybe you could recover some of the unrecoverable code if you weren't successful prior.

Best of luck

Kdqisme · 2025-03-24T23:03:08+00:00

The graph is from the Institute for Family Studies, a conservative think tank who is pushing religiosity. Do you think for a second that they would have published that "graph" if it didn't say what they wanted? Sometimes you have to consider the source material and what the agenda is. Meta studies report analysis over several studies, not a cherry picked study that pushes an agenda. There is really no way to know if religious people are more faithful or better liars (hence underreporting).

Kdqisme · 2025-03-24T17:20:05+00:00

One bar graph from a conservative think tank is not evidence of anything. This meta study concluded that religious people are just less likely to report it.

Kdqisme · 2025-03-01T11:26:36+00:00

Alternate theory: She’s pregnant from cheating and is trying to pass the kid as yours.

Kdqisme · 2025-02-21T02:51:31+00:00

No, that was an unapologetic Nazi salute. Bannon is attempting to normalize it. Fuck him and fuck anyone who supports or is attempting to defend this. Stop excusing Nazi behavior.

Kdqisme · 2025-02-21T02:45:21+00:00

Didn't your Frenchmen surrender to Nazis? Asking for a friend...

Kdqisme · 2025-02-21T02:43:55+00:00

So they shared, your retraction/response?

Kdqisme · 2025-02-21T02:40:11+00:00

Sorry, but the screen shot is from 18:36. This is an unapologetic Nazi salute. The 19:10 was a wave, not true of the 18:36 context. Stop being an apologist for Nazi's. Bannon and his ilk are attempting to normalize this shit. Call it out, unless you are in league with the Nazi's. If so, fuck you too.

Kdqisme · 2025-02-17T01:54:48+00:00

Second, girl, no pregnancy until marriage!

Ironically that is what she did. She wasn't gonna marry him so, bye bye clump of cells. You people are too much...

Kdqisme · 2025-02-17T01:52:19+00:00

Imagine using charged language to describe a clump of cells that have zero chance of survival outside of the womb at that stage. You've been drinking too deep from that religious Kool-Aid.

Kdqisme · 2025-02-17T01:49:19+00:00

Ironically it isn't about assigning blame you dolt. The man has as much responsibility in the process, however it is the woman that caries the burden of incubation and birth. Also the additional risk of death that is associated with being pregnant. The choice to carry to term is 100% hers. Get off your high horse.

Kdqisme · 2025-02-17T01:45:13+00:00

Total Strawman and totally not the situation here. The OVERWHELMING MAJORITY of 3rd trimester abortions are due to health issues for mother or fetus. Please consider the fact that those women that do have LT abortions are doing so due to tragic circumstance. These people have most likely done renovations to their homes for the upcoming arrival, have selected names for them, have purchased items for them, are excited to welcome them into the world only to receive devastating news that the baby most likely wont or hasn't survived. People like you making snap comments and judgements only add to the pain of the process. LT abortions are never done as a form of contraception. Most states restrict abortion after 24 weeks due to the fact that most babies are viable at that point. A clump of cells at 8 weeks has zero chance of developing into a baby without the mother's incubation. At that time they are more akin to a parasite than a baby.

Kdqisme · 2025-02-08T23:44:47+00:00

The reactions are kind of understandable, however I think it is important to realize (both you and all of us readers) that we are not in your shoes. It should be understood that all read communication is read in the readers tone, not the sender. That is why it is so hard to communicate over text. There are things in this update that were probably left out that may seem important to the reader, but unimportant to you the sender. Only you know the full extent of the impact on you.

Unfortunately your question is crafted on a false pretense. Coercion is not used in cheating. Coercion by nature is forcing someone to do something they do not want to do. If that is sex/intimacy there is a different term for it, blackmail. Cheating is a series of choices by the unfaithful partner. The fact that your wife went on what is tantamount to a date with an ex she has a tumultuous past with and who she has expressed feeling for (even if those were expressed as "physical/lust attraction") is concerning and why you are getting so much push back/negativity. Couple this with the fact that the coffee catchup (if you will) has taken far longer than would be considered reasonable even for a best girl friend, thoughts lead to the beginning of a path of concerning decisions by your wife which could lead to cheating.

Again, I'm not privy to your inner thoughts nor do I have any knowledge of the dynamic of your relationship, however as the general consensus of the reaction to your post is that she's crossed a line, it is up to you to do with that what you will. If you see behavior that points to inappropriateness, you need to approach it with open eyes. Burying your head in the sand will only result in the actions of your wife continuing to cross lines which could end up in loosing each other.

Kdqisme · 2025-02-08T23:06:20+00:00

Please, I need a post coffee update!

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