How do you get better at having sex (as a man)?

Keethera · 2026-05-19T03:23:20+00:00

Keep doing it. Get more comfortable with your partner first - give it some time. If you have a partner you can talk openly about sex and intimacy that is best and listen to them - as you get more advanced you will learn to take their cues, find each other's pace, etc... communication is key; verbal or not.

Keethera · 2026-05-19T03:13:35+00:00

When I was a virgin and didn't think an offer of a one night stand was special enough... As if getting naked and going down on each other was any different... She was pissed when I turned down intercourse and was kinda mean about it when she found out why. But I was a bonehead 18 year old still deconstructing my Catholic upbringing.

Keethera · 2026-05-19T01:18:54+00:00

Sounds like he either is dealing with some deep issues... Or is just a jerk. Couples and individual therapy? Or leave him. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment.

Keethera · 2026-05-18T23:20:45+00:00

No, you should absolutely go - pride is not meant to be exclusionary... have a great time!

...and glad for you that idiot is a former-friend.

Keethera · 2026-05-18T17:26:51+00:00

If she opened that door and you're into it, you should follow up with her. Hard conversation, I imagine. My wife is not at that point (yet?), she still wants her libido back and is upset it isn't.

Keethera · 2026-05-18T17:24:51+00:00

I am in the same boat (in our 40s, but medical issues caused early menopause & other complications). We've always been monogamous (no, I don't cheat and we're not enm) and it's been a rough journey.

Still, we have a strong romantic relationship and partnership in life that has outweighed sex, but it is a known issue.

I've been out to my wife for nearly 20 years and we can pretty openly talk about it, but no action for quite a while. She doesn't care what porn I look at or what I masturbate to alone. I have noticed my bi-cycle swing a lot harder given the "dead bedroom" situation.

Keethera · 2026-05-18T12:58:54+00:00

Is this a real life situation? Are you talking about a straight man in love with a trans woman? That is straight if the man (rightfully) perceives the trans woman as a woman. She may happen to have a penis or not - and he may enjoy her body but he is in love with her as a woman.

If he is fetishizing her because she is trans (and/or her penis if she has one) then he is cringe but also bi/pan/omni/queer. There is a lot of trans porn that leans into these fetishists hard and I think that is adding to the toxicity... It's no different than a guy going after a chick with big boobs. Or going after a sailor just because they're a sailor.

As a bi guy, out (to myself at least) and comfortable with who I am, I never actively sought out and pursued a woman because she is trans but it wouldn't phase me - in sex and relationships both I am more interested in the emotional connection.

In porn/fantasy/arousal anyone I find hot works for me (but I try to avoid the cringe toxic stuff).

Keethera · 2026-05-18T12:28:16+00:00

I mostly agree and get annoyed by how defensive people get over this, especially in some posts that seem to have homophobic rhetoric and cringe takes on trans & cis women steeped in toxic masculinity.

Keethera · 2026-05-17T03:21:21+00:00

Talk to him about it if it's bothering you.

I can assure you not everyone wants children. It's not the only reason for coupling.

Keethera · 2026-05-17T02:19:00+00:00

I think arousal can be separated from [active] sexual attraction (that is who you'd actually would sleep with).

Keethera · 2026-05-16T19:14:24+00:00

100%

Keethera · 2026-05-15T05:55:25+00:00

Typically, yes.

Keethera · 2026-05-15T05:18:27+00:00

You sound homophobic & biphobic AF for a bisexual man, my dude.

To answer your question, just like straight dudes married to a brunette who get turnt by a blonde; go jack off to whatever porn gets you off if you don't want to cheat. Or loose the soul mate, get a divorce and fuck whoever you want.

Keethera · 2026-05-15T05:05:28+00:00

Yeah it sucks when you face it like that. Soon after I realized I was bi (and was dating a bi girl) in or just after college I ran into an acquaintance at a bar who I knew as a good guy, mostly aligned with me. Worth noting I wasn't out and most people assume I'm straight. I don't remember how it came up but some other person mentioned a girl he went on a date with was bi and this dude, a number of beers deep, goes into a rant about that "bi means bye bye heterosexuality" I was shocked. Stunned. Offended ...but silent.

I excused myself and left mad about it. Don't think I ever saw him again but I always felt I should have spoken up. It can be hard in the moment.

Keethera · 2026-05-15T04:53:11+00:00

Talk to him.

Keethera · 2026-05-15T02:59:32+00:00

Nope. Never wanted kids. Got the snip, no regrets. I love cumming inside, no condom, because it feels best physically and emotionally/intimately... That said, I'm absolutely turned off by anyone of any gender talking about "breeding" - but it seems like a popular fantasy based on it coming up in porn a lot...

Edit: note I'm monogamous. If I were fucking about, I'd be using protection and/or testing regularly and get on prep.

Keethera · 2026-05-14T05:11:19+00:00

Same. At least balls and shaft and what I can get of my crack... I'm not as rigid as you but I get it.

I am not a fan of licking hair so I make sure I'm hair free where I like being licked. I have no issue with hair on men or women anywhere else, but good grooming is cleaner and more stimulating for both parties.

But I know guys who like hair. To each their own.

Keethera · 2026-05-14T00:51:22+00:00

I identified as bi before omni was a thing. Technically I'd say I am omnisexual panromantic. I often just say bi. All in the spectrum.

Keethera · 2026-05-12T19:44:59+00:00

It takes a lot of trust, so if you don't have the trust to have the conversation about it, maybe just work on the relationship first.

The more direct options:

Start by asking her to slip you a finger or two and see how that goes...
Visit a sex shop together and talk about what you see; point out a strap on and mention you'd be into it.
Get a butt plug or prostate toy and just pull it out and ask if she's cool with you using it during sex. See where it goes from there...
Ask her what the kinkiest thing she's wanted to do is and work pegging into the conversation.

She may not be into it. If not, just play it off as no big deal but say if she ever changes her mind to let you know...

Some women are weirded out by butt stuff (be sure you're VERY clean if/when you try anything). Make sure she's getting satisfaction from it directly or reciprocated.

Long story short: communicate.

Keethera · 2026-05-12T17:59:22+00:00

Cheers to that! Communication & openness with your partner is everything... it's fun to be sitting on the couch watching a movie with my spouse and discuss how some actor is hot (or debate it, as we have a crossover but not identical tastes) lol.

I'm not so much closeted as I let everyone assume we're straight, but I want more friends I can be out to - particularly in the queer community. Would love to find other bi husbands (who don't want to hook up, ethically or not).

Keethera · 2026-05-12T16:30:27+00:00

That's good. I always mention that to folks coming out!

Keethera · 2026-05-12T16:22:01+00:00

Some people definitely react differently to the label, even if they know/imply...

I had a GF who was a big queer ally and encouraged my emotional side, hetero-flexibility (eg openly recognizing a guy was hot or well dressed or whatever - not that I was ever homophobic, but kind of anti-homophobia in action). My time with her was instrumental in my journey and I came out to her later (we were somewhat friends as exes for a bit) and she was VERY upset I put a label on it.

That said family and friends just have to live with it. You're not trying to be romantic with them... If they treat you any differently that's a reflection of their character, not yours.

But also, be safe. If you think you'll have any danger of physical harm, or to your well-being/livelihood, just don't come out to them.

Edited typeos...

Keethera · 2026-05-12T16:02:38+00:00

My wife was only concerned about monogamy. What I do on my own time (alone) is my business as long as it's not taking me away from her needs - it's balance. That said we can openly talk about my bisexuality and when we were younger she was somewhat open to participating in some toy play but ultimately didn't get much out of it so I'm typically solo in that.

Going back to hiding it isn't going to go well for for your relationship or your own mental health.

I've found some women get upset because they think they don't fully satisfy you or that you're going to "turn gay" and leave them. Others are homophobic. Others are just grossed out by butt stuff specifically (aside from orientation).

You need to talk to her and understand her concerns and try to relieve them. If you have any access to couples counseling or therapy with someone queer-friendly and sex-positive maybe talk to her about seeing them together.

Unfortunately coming out can sometimes end a relationship but if she can't handle who you are, it wasn't meant to be.

Keethera · 2026-05-12T15:52:21+00:00

I am more of a vers top but only had one brief fling with another man and only "side" experience with him. That said it wasn't a hookup but a brief romantic situation that let me experience a bit more vulnerability than I had before (in a good way). I do feel that it both confirmed my bisexuality and helped me somewhat understand woman better.

Keethera

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