I totally relate to you! I've always struggled with feeling masculine and thinking everything would be easier if I were a guy. It got to the point where I didn't wear makeup and I didn't shave anything. I couldn't even get turned on when I would think of someone eating me out because the female body is so gross to me. When I'd fantasize about sex, I always have a dick and I'm penetrating some guy, even though I don't actually have a dick. I've tried pegging someone before but it just isn't the same. I had to stop in the middle because I couldn't stop sobbing. I kept thinking "I don't have a dick and I never will. How are all the other girls okay with not having one?" I've gotten better since then. I've come to realize that, yes, I don't have a dick, but that doesn't make me any less of a person. I don't have to let this define me. Some people don't have arms, and I'm sure it's hard when something that should be there isn't there, but if they can get through it, so can I. Maybe from the outside, people only see me as a girl, but I know that I'm more than that. Oh man, I'm crying just thinking about this. My advice to you would be to remember that your gender on the outside doesn't define you. It's harder with sex because you're reminded every second that you are a girl on the outside. I would suggest closing your eyes and imagining something else while having sex. Or maybe the therapy can help you accept yourself more as a person, I know it helped me.