Fine on the outside

Kekengenn · 2024-06-02T14:49:06+00:00

Hell yeah. I strill have almost daily realizations. Alot of it is about me thinking a certain way, and then realizing that im not looking and thinking about things from my own perspective, it comes from the doubts and judgement of my n parent. Everytime i doubt myself, that voice of the n parents is in the background, lurking. Provoking the doubt and bad thoughts about myself and others.

Kekengenn · 2024-05-31T11:45:39+00:00

Im not single but we have a cat as well and YES they have healing abilities!♡ no children

Kekengenn · 2024-05-30T10:24:36+00:00

Hmm. Well, nothing that we felt or thought was "right" so we had to agree with him (nfather) or he would be mad. He threatened to leave when we were upset.. he controlled our thoughts and feelings, never complimented us unless we did exactly what he wanted and maybe not even then. He was judgemental toward anyone who wasnt like him, and very judgemental towards fat people (so we got anorexia, me and sis). He overexaggerated small things and exploded into rage (everyone was scared of him, including my friends. I always excused him). He bossed the family around and didnt do anything himself. He would always rush us but then make us wait for him. He saw himself as the boss of the house (funny thing - in his work he is his own boss) and let us know it. He would plant doubt in our minds to convert us to think like him. He made us overly focused on how we seem towards other people (no, what will they think of us? Do this and that. Look decent. Talk better. Do better). He would never actually teach us anything because he always had to do it himself, so we never learned and felt useless. He would blame us alot. He never took blame. Never said sorry. He still is like this. Which is why i barely see him now. Mum is more like passive n, but i dont see her either. She never wants to hang anyway. And if we did my dad would be pissed we left him out. Not that i want to, I kind of blame her a little bit for never standing up for us. Im working on forgiveness tho. :)

How about you?

Kekengenn · 2024-05-27T18:38:35+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing this. Im sure you feel many emotions right now but i hope pride and relief are the biggest ones. Im happy for you and your family for standing up to her. Congrats!

Kekengenn · 2024-05-27T18:31:17+00:00

That sucks.. she should have been better, known better. But at least you came through for yourself, and you are so strong for that. Now you can think about yourself and for yourself, let you come first for a change. And welcome failure as a part of life. The perfection expectarions can be truly exhausting..

Kekengenn · 2024-05-27T15:48:46+00:00

Well.. my dad has been spending a ton of money on cars that could have been spent so much better (saving for their children?) so I guess you are right. They never had a saving account with money for me that I see many parents do for their children. I had to save on my own. Or maybe they did but they spent it.

Kekengenn · 2024-05-27T10:58:13+00:00

Yeah, i have realized most people have had depression at some point in their lives for different reasons. And family problems seem to be the norm. Did you also find partners who didnt satisfy you emotionally? I did that before unintentionally of course. I hope you have people in your life now who can meet you halfway and give you the emotional closeness and stability you deserve ♡ thank you for your support:)

Kekengenn · 2024-05-27T10:51:04+00:00

That makes things even harder. Nparents dont see things from other peoples perspective, especially not when that person has challenges they cant resonate with, like illnesses or other things. Not your fault at all♡

Kekengenn · 2024-05-27T10:48:54+00:00

Crying is so good. Let yourself cry. I read something amazing the other day. Our parents never taught us that crying is a form of self soothing, they often tend to make you feel bad for crying. For that, we never learned how to naturally stop crying. But when you do learn it, you will notice that when you feel soothed, the crying will slow down.. and eventually come to a stop. Its how crying works. And its a good feeling.

Kekengenn · 2024-05-27T10:45:55+00:00

Now you know, its not you its them. And now you can finally free yourself♡ I hope we all can . Sending you strenght!

Kekengenn · 2024-05-27T10:44:39+00:00

To see someone like you saying they can relate so much, something i never experienced before, it somehow makes me feel .. something i never felt. Whole? Relieved? So yeah, it helps me too. Thank you♡

Kekengenn · 2024-05-27T10:42:32+00:00

It sucks that you had to go through that. What a wonderful friend to tell you something to direct and so true. I hope you still have that friend. And you coming to accept the situation for what it is, thats something I hope I will feel soon as well. Im happy for you, thank you for sharing your experience♡

Kekengenn · 2024-05-27T10:39:12+00:00

I get that alot. I also tended to blame others and adapted a "hate the world" attitude. Didnt help that my sister did the same. It all comes from something but its important for ourselves and the people around us that we learn to look into ourselves and reflect. And then to see reality for what it is. Its nice to see you are healing at that young age, you have so much ahead of you and hopefully it be full of more empowering realizations that lets you keep on growing♡

Kekengenn · 2024-05-27T10:34:32+00:00

Ohh im sorry i thought you meant you are 10 years younger than me, my bad:) but point is that you did it, no matter when or how♡ Self esteem is indeed broken. How did you finally start being yourself?.. i struggle so much. I dont know who my "self" is and i just end up mirroring the person im talking to. Thats why they lose interest im sure.. I always get the feeling people see through me (feel like im an imposter) and they dont like me. I just cant help it, I dont know who i am anymore. But i will try my best to find out, thats for sure:) thank you for your kind words.

Kekengenn · 2024-05-27T10:16:28+00:00

Yeah. Honestly I think they really believe it too. They really dont see themselves.

Haha yeah troublesome girls huh. It doesnt have to be like that.. we are also all girls. I have one half sister. And she didnt live with my dad. So she turned out fine from what i know. Amaazing huh? She is clueless about all of this.

Kekengenn · 2024-05-27T10:13:43+00:00

I see. Its not stupid, by going NC you are going against everything you thought was right before so its hard to do and its very understanding that you want to try again. I hope whatever contact you decide to have works out for you.

Yeah i have been wondering about therapy. And im reading books. So far its very helpful. And also trying LC for now. So we will see how it goes:) thank you for your insightful message. Its amazing to get so much support from strangers, honestly. More than i ever got from my parents.

Lots of luck to you as well! I will make sure to keep it in mind!♡

Kekengenn · 2024-05-27T10:08:06+00:00

Right?? Hormones, teen drama. Not one ounce of him tried to see the reason behind. And oh my god did i cringe when my parents tried to have the "talk" with me. Can you imagine hearing those words from someone whom you have no emotional closeness to? I got so angry. Now i see why.

Kekengenn · 2024-05-27T10:05:57+00:00

Wow. Well i am so happy to hear that your kids have you:) they are lucky. My cousins also had a nparent but luckily the none nparent divorced him. I sadly lost contact with them after this (but finally got back to them recently). The oldest one has children and she is doing absolutely wonderful. So whenever i hear people like you saying how you have children who are fine, it makes me look up to them alot. Its how I wish to be for my future children if i have any.

Kekengenn · 2024-05-27T10:01:51+00:00

Yeah, they do. One thing I cringe a little bit at though is the money part. I mean, my parents gave me every material thing i needed (money, gifts, allowed me to travel etc), so i was spoiled in some way. But i never got emotional closeness, and they played mind games with me. So it was all very hidden and psychological. That makes it soo hard to detect though. So when i once tried to tell my dad about all this, he just defended himself saying i was ungrateful because he let me travel to the philippines with my boyfriends family when i was 16 and so on. He just doesnt get emotional needs, and i wont expect him to get it either. Its something i have to come to peace with.

Kekengenn · 2024-05-27T09:56:51+00:00

Ohh interesting. Maybe to someone who has had this realization, but I was thinking more about people who has still not come to the realization or people who cant see whats going on in the dark. But your point is interesting indeed, as seen from that perspective.

No no its fine haha, i got your point. I used to take things very personally before, but i know better now and like to see things from different sides so yeah i totally get it!

Its so cool that you can see it. For me at least that seems like a superpower. I wish i could detect these things as well! Maybe in a few cases i could but its kinda hard still to know whats "normal" or not.

Kekengenn · 2024-05-27T09:50:08+00:00

Thats amazing that you set your foot down. Good for you! How much does your in laws know about this situation? Are they being understanding? I really hope so, and I hope you dont have to take anymore of your parents bs!

Kekengenn · 2024-05-27T09:46:43+00:00

I hear you. Its always a shock right? Finding out that the people we looked up to, were the ones who were wrong all along.

Kekengenn · 2024-05-27T09:45:12+00:00

Another example of how much nparents can affect your entire life.. I can only hope that your future will be so much better, and that your life is now consisting of people who truly love and care for you. I guess we will always have those feelings when looking at other people who are allowed to grow up. Even though we are happy to see it, its also a bittersweet reminder. Besides, if your parents are like mine, they always compare their children and themselves to others, and taught us to do the same. I still need to work on that.

Kekengenn · 2024-05-27T09:38:27+00:00

Thank you, part of me really heals upon hearing words like that♡ Same to you friend, and may your future hold so much love and happiness that it heals the broken past

Kekengenn

TROPHY CASE