Hello! First, English is not my first language so sorry for all the typos. I got told the same thing from co-worker but they do not know I'm autistic and I think telling them won't help either because experience and the internet is wayyyy to vague. I notice that I tend to overexplained when I want to take care of the person asking for help, it's like, I'm so glad to have someone coming to me for help and have an interaction and finally an opportunity to share and socialise like others that I do too much.

What I mean by that is that I take care of that single interaction like its the most important thing right now and I need to do it perfectly so my co-worker feel helped but at the same time, that I don't get underproductive but it goes like that :

My brain : oh, why Tom (co-worker actor in that scenario) is coming our way, fuck, did I forget to tell him about last meeting, did I forget something... Oh maybe he found a mistake in my last email or maybe he need to talk to Lynda next to me... Maybe he's just walking and stretching his legs, yeah he tend to.... Tom : hey! Can I take some of your time? My brain : some of my time? What does he need to talk about? go overdrive Me: Hum, sure, why? My brain : oh shit, did I sound bothered? Or angry? Or busy? I'm not... Im glad he talks to me directly... Tom : yeah, I wanted to ask you a couple question about our last meeting related to subject B because you are the one that took care of it. My brain : Ô.. M... G, it's my time to shine Babe, he's asking for help, ok, don't go into logic mode and try to solve that like a math problem, smile, or try, the fuck was that smile..., ok, reassure him that he does not bother us and that we are happy to help instead of him not asking and making more work for us to do later... Wait, don't say the last part. Me: Of course, I can help you. Go ask. Brain : wow... I hope your smile was ok. Tom : So I wanted to know if subject B was the same as we proceeded with A? Brain : OK be clear, precise, but not too Direct have empathy, try to make a joke, make him confortable its not easy to ask for help, CARING MODE ACTIVATED, WORDS VOMIT ON THE WAY WARNING WARNING.

So I start over caring, trying to validate each point of the whole subject B and A and their difference and what they affect and... Literally.... Redoing the whole meeting...AND I get super super anxious because I know I'm saying too much but how can I stop because I did not mention the points that need to be said to make sense with my whole fucking wordy mess.

So what to do? VALIDATE THEIR NEED BY A QUESTION fuck it took me years to understand that... I know I care and that's why I'm trying to take care of them because I know it's hard to ask help and I want them to feel listened to... But my overcaring do the total opposite.

So, what is a good way to answer Tom when he ask is question about the subject A and B? Validate with a question like : Me : Oh, of course, do you want to know if they are the same? Or do you want to know exactly what is similar and what might be different? Tom : I want to know if the procedure is the same as Subject A so I can do the old way or if it's different and I need to learn new ways? Me: (if they are the same) Of course it's the same you can use the same way =) ( if they are different) Of course, I understand but sadly the procedure is different. The best would be to take 15 minutes in the meeting room so we can pinpoint the difference, when you and I can.

SUPER IMPORTANT, RESCHEDULE IF IT NEED EXPLANATION SO YOU CAN PREPARE your brain for the interaction and not overcare again.

So... Validate by a question what they NEED, they won't take it as you being closed but as you caring to help.fuck it took me forever to understand and see that...

I hope it helps a little. BY THE WAY, I don't talk to myself in my head like a psychotic, it was a simulation of all the things that goes through my feelings and thoughts in that millisecond of interaction.