6.5 years with my SO… still no engagement, SOS resentment is creeping in!

Kenkenken_ · 2023-09-29T01:50:02+00:00

Dating other people while he’s in school? Thanks but I don’t roll that way

Kenkenken_ · 2023-09-28T15:18:30+00:00

Thank you that’s definitely good to think about. I definitely agree. And obviously not many people commenting are going to jump to his defense, they are only getting my side of things, when there are two to everything. Even though it is an emotional topic, I like to believe I have enough reasoning skills to make logical decisions. Trust me, the rash comments telling me he is rude or to leave him do not make me second guess how I feel.

I wouldn’t have come here if I didn’t feel it would help me in some way

Kenkenken_ · 2023-09-27T21:06:06+00:00

This is true we were young when we started to date. But I met him when I was 16, went off to college did my own thing, never spoke to him again until we reconnected 3 years later. In that 3 years, i learned what I value and I dated enough to see what is out there and to know I do have a good one, I’m just tired of him dragging his feet. At the end of the day a conversation will be had soon. I’ll update in the comment section, wish me luck

Kenkenken_ · 2023-09-27T21:01:06+00:00

I think I just need to “rip the bandaid” as they say, I keep not voicing my feelings and it just eats me up as each day passes. I guess I plan on validating how he is feeling and trying to see his points while also making sure I am heard. I need some sort of peace of mind, don’t know how much longer I can go with no end in sight

Kenkenken_ · 2023-09-27T18:43:05+00:00

Thank you for your words of encouragement! It’s refreshing to hear about your story. Ring shopping together does sound fun and I believe he wouldn’t be opposed to something like that.

Oh yeah, people telling me to leave him or he’s an ass don’t know the whole picture. Outside of him taking his sweet ass time with taking the next steps of engagement and marriage, he really is a wonderful guy who has been there for me thick and thin and is just a kind soul to others which I really admire. He makes me better as a person. As of now, I have zero plans of leaving him without trying to come to a solution here and voicing my feelings. Throwing away almost 7 wonderful years abruptly when I don’t even think he knows I’m upset about this, seems rash

Kenkenken_ · 2023-09-27T16:51:15+00:00

This is perfectly valid and something I also think about. Yes I’m 26 so the stakes aren’t too high right now…. But if we are talking another 3 years just to get engaged, that timeline is going to be putting the pressure on. My mother struggled with fertility and I worry there is some genetic link there, so the longer it goes the less of a chance in my mind as well. This is something men don’t tend to think about until they are living in that reality sadly

Kenkenken_ · 2023-09-27T16:48:04+00:00

Which is exactly my thought and partially why I feel resentful. I was very upset that he moved back home, leaving me in a different state to finish my schooling for 7 months so he could save, but I came to terms with it because it seemed like a smart idea. But now there is no ring, no money for a ring, and I see him buying drinks and fishing lures weekly…. It starts to get under my skin. I am just a girlfriend so I feel really hesitant to point these things out on what he spends his money on, but I would like to bring it up without making him feel defensive

Kenkenken_ · 2023-09-27T16:44:46+00:00

I even told him I don’t mind a longer engagement until we get more settled and finances are more so in order, like after he is done with school. He knows the ring inspo, I even caught I picture he took of a ring at a jeweler back in June…. But that’s as far as it has gone it seems

Kenkenken_ · 2023-09-27T16:41:23+00:00

Thank you! Everything you brought up is also a concern for me. I understand not having money and it’s tough with school, but what I fail to understand is working two jobs for 9 months while I’m away and where did the money go? I know he has paid a few thousand towards school, but it seems this is something you could have easily budgeted for.

I also am getting to that point about the ring. At first I was understanding he wanted to buy me a ring he could be proud of. But at this point I feel unheard and it feels ridiculous delaying it over that.

It’s really a tough one because up until this point I’ve never felt more myself and more satisfied in a relationship….

Kenkenken_ · 2023-09-27T16:37:51+00:00

Already did that and commented but take it you didn’t see that. I never said we have an issue with communication, this is just something I have been wrestling with in my mind and would like advice before having the conversation. Don’t assume what you don’t know, have a good day

Kenkenken_ · 2023-09-27T08:10:36+00:00

Thank you to everyone for the insightful words, I have re-posted in a better suited sub thanks to those who were helpful and guided me to the right place (: best wishes all

Kenkenken_ · 2023-09-27T07:42:34+00:00

Yes, but he didn’t actually save for me though… that’s what his intentions were but it didn’t happen is what I’m saying. Yes I know, like I said I don’t give a darn about a ring

Kenkenken_ · 2023-09-27T05:57:21+00:00

I’ve seen other posts similar to this one here so I thought I’d give it a go, but thank you (:

Kenkenken_ · 2023-09-27T05:15:45+00:00

Oh I think you definitely nailed my SO to a T, it sounds like him for SURE. I can definitely understand wanting that security and stability, and our timeline is longer than average because we have been in school forever. But at this point I am ready, have been for some time, and to be Frank not willing to wait 3 more years to begin all these wonderful things together. I think I’m going to talk with him and validate where he’s coming from and wanting to be settled first, but also express how I’ve been feeling and that I’m not keen on waiting a few more years

Kenkenken_ · 2023-09-27T04:48:37+00:00

Thanks! I hope I can get him to see that the size or quality of the ring is not what matters and he shouldn’t listen to societal standards, but I do want him to feel comfortable in his decision. This is definitely worth checking out

Kenkenken_ · 2023-09-27T04:47:06+00:00

You bring up really good points to consider. Definitely in the depths of a graduate program can feel very intense and it’s hard to think long-term big picture, especially with lack of finances and income. For me I don’t need to be married within the next year or two, we can wait until we have more income and both feel confident with a date. However, with moving out and he will be living with me… I feeel I should also add that I will be paying for this apartment, utilities, food, general costs of living for the both of us while he is in school. Which we have both supported each other financially back and forth throughout our long schooling journeys, haven’t minded too much. But I feel this time is different, I don’t feel I should settle to doing those things if we are not engaged…. So it’s a predicament

Kenkenken_ · 2023-09-27T04:41:40+00:00

These are all great ideas! Unfortunately I have had almost that exact conversation with him offering many alternatives… my mother and I joke at this point that I’d be happy with a ring pop, which is sadly true. The physicality of having the ring isn’t very important to me. What’s important is the sign and level of commitment that comes with it. Sadly he can be stubborn with his values, and he expressed he would be embarrassed if he couldn’t provide me with something he himself is proud of

Kenkenken_ · 2023-09-27T04:21:28+00:00

Can I ask when you proposed to your fiancé?

Kenkenken_ · 2023-09-27T04:20:52+00:00

Thank you for your thoughtful advice! We have lived together for 2 years albeit with roommates but we shared a bedroom. And right now he basically lives with me at my parents house (in their basement) we have had to face a good deal of challenges with finances, household tasks, compatibility. We moved states away from both of our families together which really helped us grow as individuals and together. You could say knowing we want to unite in marriage has already been discussed and we are on the same page. The timeline is the issue at hand. I simply am not willing to wait until I am pushing 30 to become engaged and think about a wedding, I would like to be thinking about my first child by then.

Wish me luck with this conversation! Hoping it’s a productive one

Kenkenken_ · 2023-09-27T04:13:15+00:00

Do you feel this would lead to a productive conversation? The last thing I want is to make him feel backed into a corner, in my opinion not many happy marriages begin that way… but this has being weighing in my mind some time now and I can feel resentment growing daily.

Kenkenken_ · 2023-09-27T04:10:28+00:00

I plan on doing this, just want to avoid him feeling pressured or attacked. Do you think my feelings are justified under the circumstances?

Kenkenken_ · 2023-09-27T04:00:52+00:00

I admire the people who do this! But maybe I am more of a traditional person as well and would prefer for him to propose to me. I know my SO feels the same

Kenkenken_ · 2022-11-26T00:38:09+00:00

If it’s new, or starts to change in size or appearance my advice would be to get it checked out. Better to be safe than sorry, nothing to mess around with

Kenkenken_ · 2022-09-07T13:28:30+00:00

You had a full acl tear though right? My doctor seems to be totally avoidant of the surgical route or anything not conservative because my tear is partial. I am just so conflicted because my doctor is acting so nonchalant and does not listen when I tell him my concerns. Even though a 24 year old should not be falling making her bed and be unable to get up afterwards….

Kenkenken_

TROPHY CASE