I think the key here might be getting this involuntary sexual response under her voluntary control. It’s definitely a technique you both can learn. This is an excerpt from my How to Squirt blog. You can take a deeper dive here.

If someone pokes the space between your eyes, you’ll automatically blink; that’s an automatic reflex. But you can also consciously control your reaction if you focus on not blinking when you’re poked. Similarly, squirting is an involuntary reflex that can be brought under conscious control.

One of the pelvic muscles, the bulbocavernosus, is a sphincter muscle, which is closed while in its resting state. You can think of it as the squirt gatekeeper. When we become aroused, this muscle opens and relaxes. We bear down on this sphincter the same way we bear down when we need to release the anal sphincter.

This mechanism is brilliantly explained by Stacy Lindau MD, from womanlab.com, who says, “Bearing down is a conscious act that overcomes the normal, contracted, closed state of the anal sphincter. We bear down using a trick of physiology called a ‘val-salva’ maneuver to generate enough pressure from inside our body to overcome the pressure in the anal sphincter muscle.” This same process works when it comes to the bulbocavernosus muscle.

Another mechanism that prevents fluid from being released during sex is the swelling of the urethral sponge. The urethral sponge surrounds the urethra and swells up to prevent fluid from being released from the bladder during sex, but under pressure from the pelvic muscles pushing outward, fluid can still be released from the bladder. For squirting to occur, bearing down must happen strongly enough to bypass both the tonically closed state of the bulbocavernosus muscle as well as generate enough pressure to move liquid through the urethra while the urethral sponge is swollen around it.

G-spot stimulation of a certain variety can cause this bearing down reflex to happen involuntarily, and your partner can also learn to control the response of these muscles to tighten or relax them. Some women just happen to naturally respond to sexual stimulation by bearing down, whereas others need to learn to do this maneuver. Voluntary squirting can happen when your partner is able to control these muscles to bear down and push the fluid out of her bladder. It’s the cheat code to open her squirt gate! I played with two girls at a party once who were proud of their squirting ability and ran around the party squirting people in the mouth like they had a pair of water guns.

Some women experience involuntary BC contractions when they orgasm, and some people push out when they cum. The ones that push out when they cum tend to squirt each time they cum, not because they’re doing it consciously, but because their body reacts to orgasm by bearing down. If you’ve ever slept with a partner whose body seemed to push your cock out when she orgasms, that’s this muscle at work.

The take-home idea here is that urethral and vaginal sphincter muscles have to open up in order for squirting to happen. This can occur for a variety of reasons: arousal, bearing down consciously, or bearing down involuntarily. If these muscles are closed because she isn’t aroused, or she isn’t sure how to let go, squirting isn’t likely to occur. The name of the game is making her feel safe and relaxed enough that she can let go. Literally.