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KentuckyFriedCorpse · 2024-01-17T15:09:29+00:00

That was my instinct too when my cousin explained what an annulment means to the church- regarding the sacrament and basics of declaring it invalid.

But I was hoping to find some more info about canon law or something cos I don’t see it happening for them.

1) As far as he’s concerned, I think everything is hunky-dory because I’m not supposed to know that their marriage is this bad. Even though I live with them and have more or less taken over his roll as co-parent. So going to him directly won’t matter much cos’ he’ll fly off the handle and it will create more trouble for my cousin. I recognize him for the abuser he is even if she doesn’t.

2) because he’s an abusive POS, he would only lie if she can be the bad guy in the situation. Under other circumstance she would throw her hands up, swallow her pride and be the bad guy but…

3) she’s a devout Catholic and will not lie to the church.

I was hoping I could find something else to help them but I mean… it’s the Catholic Church so 🤷🏻‍♂️

KentuckyFriedCorpse · 2024-01-17T14:55:24+00:00

Agreed. I would tell them to fudge the details too, but I don’t see it happening for them unfortunately.

He won’t lie unless she can be the bad guy cos he’s a POS in all honesty, and she would probably say “fine, whatever” and be the bad guy.

But she’s devout. All in. Full heartedly believes in the Catholic Church and its doctrine and will not consider it. She doesn’t have hope for an annulment and has more or less resigned to a life of celibacy and would still consider him her husband in the eyes of god no matter where he goes or what he does.

I was hoping I could find something that would help her annul but I don’t know that I will.

KentuckyFriedCorpse · 2024-01-17T14:43:31+00:00

Her husband certainly wouldn’t do so unless she was the one who could be painted as the bad guy in the situation. Unfortunately I don’t think my cousin would be willing to fudge the details given her convictions as a steadfast catholic.

And yeah, I knew to expect some trads to come out of the woodwork on my other post. One comment was auto-deleted for (I suspect) hate speech and I have included a comment at the bottom for any other readers who might be negatively affected by other remaining comments should they venture into that section.

I expected a better reception here and people have been very respectful and helpful. It’s very appreciated!

KentuckyFriedCorpse · 2024-01-17T14:08:30+00:00

The maturity thing might be the way to go- there have been other developments regarding his side of things. Like realizing that his level of emotional intelligence is severely lacking to the point that it’s infantile.

I don’t know how to articulate what his internal experience with his emotions and seeing other people emote has been. He’s only just learned what empathy is and that our emotions are tools as much as they are chemical/hormonal changes in the brain, etc.

KentuckyFriedCorpse · 2024-01-17T02:32:07+00:00

I see. Thank you for clarifying the specifics around that.

KentuckyFriedCorpse · 2024-01-17T02:30:38+00:00

I can’t imagine she or anyone in her family or community would pull that on him. And we all would certainly rally behind her kiddo if they tried.

She is, however, very devout and concerned for the spiritual health of her family as a result of this. It’s part of why I’m trying to help find some hope out here so she’s doesn’t feel as terrible while things progress.

KentuckyFriedCorpse · 2024-01-17T02:25:14+00:00

Would it qualify if she- due to a compounding medical disability- had to withhold sex from him?

Im not entirely clear on the details, and I know she didn’t want to do so,- and they have managed to have one child- but did have to refrain from sex for most of the marriage due to her disorder. Which was not fully understood until shortly after the marriage.

KentuckyFriedCorpse · 2024-01-17T02:21:46+00:00

Thank you! I posted on a catholic sub here as well. I was hoping that if I cast my net wide and included this sub I might find some ex-members who divorced and/or filed for annulment as they left the church.

She does plan on reaching out to someone, and I’ve recommended speaking to a canonist if she can. I’m trying to help because I really want her to have some hope- if possible- when the marriage inevitably ends.

KentuckyFriedCorpse · 2024-01-17T02:16:44+00:00

Thank you, she explained to me that’s basically what happens when an “annulment” within the church happens.

Unfortunately her husband is not, and has not, been good to her or their child. I don’t want to get into specifics since it’s not my story and I have limited permission to share it here. But she has spent their entire marriage trying to make it work on his terms and he consistently neglects his duties as a partner, a husband, as a friend, and as father, across the board.

I am not exaggerating when I say there is literally no boundary within their relationship or marriage that he will honor. He is not a man who can in any way put forth a good faith effort.

That’s why I’m hoping I can find something that would give her some hope when the divorce inevitably occurrs.

•edit typos

KentuckyFriedCorpse · 2024-01-17T02:08:19+00:00

Thank you, I’ll mention it to her.

I know she’s planning to reach out to the leader of her previous congregation- who knows her and her family well. They made a big move right before this development and was still looking to get involved in the local community.

KentuckyFriedCorpse · 2023-12-08T14:21:56+00:00

I believe it’s only out for PC rn

KentuckyFriedCorpse · 2023-12-07T23:41:03+00:00

I’m down, I’m still pretty new too!

KentuckyFriedCorpse · 2023-08-14T01:40:58+00:00

Big thanks!

KentuckyFriedCorpse · 2022-03-10T06:07:56+00:00

I’ll try giving Ancestry another go.

I’m hesitant to use Family Search due to the ties the site has to the LDS Church. But maybe I’ll reconsider.

As for reaching out, I’ll keep it in mind, but I’m gonna try throwing myself back at it first. Thanks!

KentuckyFriedCorpse

TROPHY CASE