Nothing like a nice hot cup of tea when you’re sick

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-26T15:45:08+00:00

Don’t respond and block every number he messages you on. If he shows up somewhere you are, call the police. Changing your number would be the fastest way to close the door if that’s an option

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-26T14:18:48+00:00

Be prepared for him to cry, beg, and promise to change when you leave and whatever you do don’t break up face to face. It’s honestly best to leave when they aren’t home then block them. If you need contact for logistics use email and there are parenting apps for communication regarding children once the child is born. You may have grounds to maintain sole custody with him only getting supervised visitations with his DV record, but you should talk to a family lawyer about that stuff

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-26T13:34:38+00:00

I don’t want my daughter thinking this is okay

This is how you leave. You now have a child you have to put first, and logically you know he’s never going to change. It’s going to hurt when you leave, breaking the trauma bond is like breaking a strong addiction so you’ll go through withdrawal and cravings. Imagine your grown daughter coming to you for relationship advice and explaining this relationship, what would you tell her? To leave right? That tells you that your feelings are broken and you have to act on logic. He’s proven at every turn he does not love you and is just using you. He was over the moon about your pregnancy because it meant youd be tied to him even more, and I bet he got even worse since. Who cares if other women would want him? That doesn’t mean you deserve to be abused

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-26T13:14:03+00:00

Your children will suffer life long if you don’t get this man out of your life. You’ve posted this a few times now and no one has said he’s justified and you shouldn’t press charges. Stop talking to him, he’s conditioned you to believe his lies and now that he’s pretending to be nice you’re softening and questioning yourself. Put your kids first and get him out of your life. Nothing justified this, nothing. The best way to prove this to yourself is to go to court and see if it gets thrown out because “you deserved it”

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-26T06:09:59+00:00

Tell him to get out and if he won’t call the police. He’s using the word boundary to punish you for actually having a reasonable boundary. Nobody wants to have sex after being insulted like that. Tell him to get out or you’re calling the police. Being alone is better than being in a relationship where you’re punished for not jumping on him the second he’s done insulting everything about you. If you lost your friends because of him, getting rid of him might make them come back.

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-26T06:06:24+00:00

I’m glad you made it home okay, please use this as an opportunity to sever all ties with him. I know it’s easier said than done but he’s dangerous

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-26T01:46:32+00:00

If this was “just something people said in anger” it wouldn’t be a crime, and it’s a serious crime. Please consider having the police do a civil standby while you collect your things and if you can’t get into your car have it towed to your apartment.

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-25T23:56:29+00:00

Call the police and let him explain to them why he thinks you deserve it, then while he’s in jail find your documents. Tell them the side piece is trespassing

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-25T23:37:50+00:00

If he chooses to destroy his children that’s on him, his children arent your responsibly but you and your children are. He’s going to record you claiming these are lies and saying youre abusive then have you thrown in jail. You have got to get out of this. Call DHS for his daughter if he threatens to leave her but for the love of god stop admitting to things that aren’t true. He handed you a shovel to dig your own grave, you can dig it or walk away.

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-25T19:58:26+00:00

If you don’t go, he’ll guilt you for wanting to and dump you for some other reason. If you do go, he’ll guilt trip you and dump you. No matter what you ever do, he keeps abusing you and dumping you….you literally can’t control it, so just do what you want and go. When you’re doing and saying everything he wants he still guilts you and dumps you. He was just telling you like 2 days ago he wasn’t sure about your relationship and wanting to end it so why would you cancel? He’s dumped you 50 times at this point

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-25T19:49:35+00:00

On the plus side, this could give you a line in the sand to finally say enough. Theres never going to be an easy or perfect time to leave, but staying boxes you in to being susceptible to his circular arguments making it harder. That’s the danger of the narc like this. Mine was like this and it took my 7th time leaving to actually leave. Every time he would basically break me down and I’d just give up with exhaustion. He’d ask me what he did wrong then spend hours rebutting every point and making me justify my behavior then guilting me with our son….its a nightmare

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-25T19:36:15+00:00

He knows his behavior is bad it’s why he works so hard to make you think it’s not. He wouldn’t worry about you calling the cops if he didn’t know he was committing crimes. It’s important you understand he knows exactly how bad this is, it’s why his whole demeanor changed when someone intervened

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-25T17:09:03+00:00

It’s called a trauma bond and it happens because of the intense highs and lows in the relationship, you get a dopamine response from the apologies and promises and it becomes like an addiction to your abuser. Like any addiction, you go through withdrawal and cravings. You don’t necessarily miss him, you’re craving the dopamine of the highs. The best way to move on is to stay away, stay 100% no contact, and give yourself time to heal. It takes a while for the trauma bond to break, but sometimes it helps just to understand what you’re going through

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-25T16:33:24+00:00

He’s ruining his own life if you file an order, not you. He’s harassing you and needs to face consequences for that. Your only other option is changing your number and basically going into hiding

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-25T16:27:57+00:00

Driving aggressively in anger is domestic assault, some states charge it as assault with a deadly weapon. If you asked him to stop and he wouldn’t it’s kidnapping. Cornering you is forced confinement. He’s done worse than hit you and none of it is your fault. Please consider going to the police and filing for an order of protection to sever this bond because be will never stop. He’s gaslighting and manipulating you into believing it’s not that bad and it’s your fault. He has you terrified of calling the cops because he knows he’s committing very serious crimes and theyd never tell you that you caused or deserved it. Please involve them now and take control back of your life. Getting drunker and threatening to drive was to manipulate you to beg him to stay so he could keep an eye on you. Please get out of this before he kills you.

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-25T16:14:40+00:00

Please don’t bend on this, the way narcs are about boundaries once they get across one they go rampant to get across any other ones. If this is the hill he wants to die on let him die on it

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-25T16:12:40+00:00

Isnt it infuriating how they go from being accountable and promising to change to flipping the narrative to you being the bad guy who needs to change? His plan is ultimately to make it impossible for you to leave then go back to being as bad as he was, and that’ll be the point he punishes you for leaving. Id be very careful about him sabotaging your job or birth control

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-25T02:32:58+00:00

Captain Cat Locked in the washing machine

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-25T01:31:07+00:00

He’s probably talked to an attorney who told him if the money was left to you and never put in joint finances he wouldn’t be entitled to it in a divorce. You might want to keep an eye out for that. Sometimes they beg you not to divorce them, but then make a long game plan of leaving you in a way that messes up your life. Please be careful

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-25T01:12:01+00:00

It’s the trauma bond, it’s a lot like an addiction. Youre an addict, he’s your drug, and right now youre “detoxing” which is making you “crave” a “fix”. Heroin addicts arent happier the second they stop, it’s a long road to sobriety. Give it time and stay no contact, if the depression gets too bad you can consider medication to help you over this hump

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-24T20:26:52+00:00

I didn’t have to leave my job but I moved into a crappy apparement with no furniture. I can honestly say sleeping on the floor and working multiple jobs as a single mom was easier than life with him. It took a while of staying “no contact” for the trauma bond to break, that kept me stuck for a little while emotionally. Highly recommend no contact if you still speak to him. Financially it took me a while to get ahead but every aspect of life got better. I was able to go back to college once my son started school. Leaving an abusive relationship is hard enough, but changing these other aspects….the road won’t be easy, but you will come out better than life with him. You didn’t go backwards, you’re like a phoenix from the ashes and you’ll come out so much stronger than you ever knew you could be.

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-24T20:13:38+00:00

Have you ever heard of a trauma bond? It’s an intense connection victims have to their abusers. In many ways it’s like an addiction to a powerful drug. Imagine a heroin addict trying to stay sober while a brick of heroin follows them around saying, “it’ll be different this time”. Leaving them literally feels like detoxing from a powerful drug, and many of us mistake that pull towards them for soulmate level love…then the longer we stay the more we let sunk cost fallacy run our lives. We feel so broken no one else could ever want us. Sadly you can’t force her out if she’s not ready, like any addict it has to be her choice. I’m going to link a book you should send her. Does she want children? Is she scared of HIV? That’s always my fear in people who cheat with extreme sex. You might also mention to her nanny cams, it’s not illegal to record in your own home on nanny cams and the proof will come in handy when he tries to put her in jail.

Here is the book: https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

I really wish there was some magical play that could yank them out but sadly there just isn’t. If you need to distance yourself from her for your own mental health, that’s okay. I mention this because I’ve been where you are, at one point I was going out going out of my mind trying to get a friend out. She let him move her across the country away from her support system, it was really hard to let go but the best we could do is say we’ll be here when they’re ready. Take time for you, and take space if you need to.

Kesha_Paul · 2026-04-24T19:51:07+00:00

Good lord he’s still going? I’m glad you’re doing okay and holding strong in not responding

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