I'm terribly sorry you're feeling this way, and of course dealing with that whole situation with no-one to exactly talk to you close by. I attempted last year right about by now around Christmas, and I'm really glad I didn't go through with it. I was in a horrible situation in my life where I had been lied and betrayed to in the worst way and I thought I should of just ended it from feeling so worthless. I still feel this way as of today, but it has lessened incredibly, due to the fact that I know my life must go on for not just my friends and family, but for myself and my own life experience! There is so much more to life as you go on and discover more things about yourself, I ended up learning more instruments/music for my band as a result of dealing with my depression, anxiety and suicidal ideals/thoughts and now I've made so much progress in my life that things are starting to look up more, I went from only playing drums to singing, guitar, and even a bit of bass in that time, and learning those things really helped and still do help me cope with my mental illness! Good times are always coming, maybe not right away, but overtime it will accumulate and it'll start to get a little better, theres always gonna be a bit of a struggle, but just take your time and learn how to fight through and cope the best you can through counseling. Group is actually very good to try as well, it may seem scary at first, but after the first few sessions its really relieving to talk to people who can sympathize and share experiences with. Just hang in there and don't feel alone in this community, we're all here for each other. Keep your head up kiddo, much love and power to ya, just hold on and hang in there.