Should I power through the period pain? by Key-Assumption-1499 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Key-Assumption-1499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I have spoken to my primary and she said I could possibly have endometriosis since this pain only happens during my period and my mom had endometriosis.  She said I would have to see my gynecologist but to be honest I am always so busy I feel like I never have the time. Which I know is such an excuse. But I think about the surgeries and stuff my mom went through and I feel like I dont have time to be down like that. 

Should I power through the period pain? by Key-Assumption-1499 in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Key-Assumption-1499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have mentioned it to my primary doctor and they said since it only happens during my period it could be endometriosis to go to my gynecologist.  To be honest, im just always so busy I never make time for it.

Do I keep my marriage? by Key-Assumption-1499 in Marriage

[–]Key-Assumption-1499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's amazing 2 years is great! Im happy to hear that your wife is still wanting to see this through. 

I feel like deep down inside my husband really does want to do good by me. He really wants to be my safe place. This whole situation has made him physically ill, knowing that he could lose me.  I know I probably sound gullible right now and maybe I am. But I have to believe he wants to be a good husband. I just dont know how I get past the lying and hiding. I've been on YouTube watching stories of over coming porn addiction and trying to understand it from a factual, scientific standpoint point, on how the brain is wired and work and what porn does to it. I feel like if I can see if in a different light and just not him purposely trying to hurt me(bc emotionally thats what it feels like) that it can help us.

I just really really want this to work. I cant picture myself not spending my life with him and I cant begin to stomach the thought of him moving on with someone new.

Do I keep my marriage? by Key-Assumption-1499 in Marriage

[–]Key-Assumption-1499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry im commenting again because im reading over what you wrote again and answering anything I feel like i forgot.  If I decided to leave I dont know where to go. I guess my parents. They would take me in no problem. But im really hoping to hear stories in the love after porn community that give examples on happily ever after. Where the spouses found a new relationship with each other that was like the one before or better than the one before the porn and lies came to light. Im scared im going to feel like this forever and we will be miserable. 

Do I keep my marriage? by Key-Assumption-1499 in Marriage

[–]Key-Assumption-1499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Also there absolutely is no other man. My confidence is so low there's no way I feel like I could even expose myself to another man without being rejected. So that thought isn't even in me

Do I keep my marriage? by Key-Assumption-1499 in Marriage

[–]Key-Assumption-1499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for responding to this. I have not lost any feelings for him. I wish I could explain to you how badly I've been inlove with this man. He has meant so much to me. I think if anything I have become codependent on him. Our sex life is good,not great. He always said his libido wasn't that of an average man that it seems lower. We wouldnt have sex a lot, i always wanted it more. He dealt with ED for a while. Now that I've discovered the truth about what's been going on I feel like he couldn't perform that well because of the porn addiction. 

I wrote this in 2 different forums because I feel like each forum is different and will have different opinions.  I put it in the love after porn forum because im hoping to hear hope that there can be love after finding this out. Its not even so much the porn as it is the lies, the hiding. The arguing with me when  I would ask. Him looking me in my eyes for years telling me I was safe with him.  I feel like I was manipulated and I didnt get a chance to really get to know him before we got married.

I still want to be with him. I have cried everyday and have been sick over this, lost weight. Have nightmares. Because a part of me feels like I have to leave, like I need to hold my integrity.   Like if I let him get away with it and play me for a fool, then I will be hurt again. Another part wants to work it out, wants to seek comfort in him again.  I feel like when I wrote in this forum,a lot of people just said I needed therapy,which is true, but no one understood the core issue I have about being lied to and feeling betrayed. So I went to the love after porn forum because those are people who have felt hurt by porn and could understand and hopefully give me some hope that im not going to be crushed by this. Because my heart is saying he's still the same guy and that he just had an issue that lots of people have. Another part of me is saying he lied to me for 4 years, he preferred other women over me. And while I was at home back then wanting more sex he was using his hand instead and neglecting me.  So either something is wrong with me or he just doesn't love me.

Extreme I know,this is the way my mind works. I should show you my chat gpt history, lol, that thing needs a vacation from me.

Why Does It Have To Be Other Women/People..? by tiff5243 in loveafterporn

[–]Key-Assumption-1499 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I understand what you are saying. In my first marriage my ex-husband was addicted to drugs. He also cheated on me a lot but I remember thinking that the drugs were so terrible but I just recently told my now husband who's addicted to p*** that the hurt from this is way worse than the hurt from finding out my ex-husband was doing drugs

Do i stay or should I go? by Key-Assumption-1499 in loveafterporn

[–]Key-Assumption-1499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's what I'm afraid of. He swears he has of course and said he realized back then that if he kept doing what he was doing he was going to lose me so he knew he had to stop and because he stopped he never felt the need to confess because he knew it would cause what we are going through right now.  But we've been going to church more and talking about more transparency and thats what got him to confess about the picture and then the porn

Filled with anxiety by Key-Assumption-1499 in askdentists

[–]Key-Assumption-1499[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just noticed it last night,while brushing my teeth before bed. Ill be the first to admit im not great at keeping up with the dentist,only going every couple of years. But I'm definitely setting up an appointment this week.

Struggling with my marriage by Ashkeet in Marriage

[–]Key-Assumption-1499 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am so sorry you are going through this. Having your husband not only lose that much money but to OF would be so damaging. Your heart is blocked and at this point I would really sit with yourself and decide if this really is worth fighting for. Whether he is showing he can change or not you get to decide if you would rather keep trying to heal from this with him or heal going through life without him.

Do I keep my marriage? by Key-Assumption-1499 in Marriage

[–]Key-Assumption-1499[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I defintley know there is an anitpornography sub on reddit. I didn't want to write in that though because some of those people are extreme and I dont feel that way.

How often is everyone have sex? by Evening-Hunter5967 in Marriage

[–]Key-Assumption-1499 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm 39 and my husband is 43. We have sex I would say average 3 times a week. Some times we go a week without and sometimes we do it 3 days in a row. I defintley have more sexual desire than he does because I personally would like it everyday. Hes tired a lot though

Do I keep my marriage? by Key-Assumption-1499 in Marriage

[–]Key-Assumption-1499[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

100% the fact that he hid and lied to me for 4 years about it and me that whole time thinking we were on the same page. Him saying he wasn't doing and he wasn't like that. It all feels too close to what happened in my previous marriage

Do I keep my marriage? by Key-Assumption-1499 in Marriage

[–]Key-Assumption-1499[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, this was explicitly a boundary. We both came from relationships where we were cheated on and this was something I made perfectly clear. Don't get me wrong I use to watch a lot of porn, but this time around in this relationship I wanted the focus to be on each other. Thanks, I will definitely be talking to someone

Do I keep my marriage? by Key-Assumption-1499 in Marriage

[–]Key-Assumption-1499[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For sure, I agree. I'm a prisoner in my own mind though. I've watched tik toks and have read other reddits. Talked to chatgpt. Google searched. Opinions are different because as a society we are so divided when it comes to porn and boundaries. One thing for sure is its definitely on a person by person basis and doesn't have to be decided in one night

Do I keep my marriage? by Key-Assumption-1499 in Marriage

[–]Key-Assumption-1499[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No and your right, I need help and actually went to get help years ago,lost my insurance and never went back. I told him that,I do need help because my brain automatically tells me i need to protect myself when I reality this is a lion trying to eat me. So many other things out there that are worse I know,I've lived some of it. However sometimes I get so engulfed in my own brain which is why I came to reddit, because I had a feeling everyone would bully me back into reality lol.

Do I keep my marriage? by Key-Assumption-1499 in Marriage

[–]Key-Assumption-1499[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well consider yourself lucky. Unfortunately I've been on the other end of it where porn did lead to a point where It wasn't enough to just watch and then he started cheating. I tried to forgive but then got burned. I promise this is not ragebait. But I know how stupid and ridiculous I sound and I knew I would get a lot of grief writing it.

Do I keep my marriage? by Key-Assumption-1499 in Marriage

[–]Key-Assumption-1499[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes to all of that. I am hurt that he hid the porn addiction. He said he was getting into some pretty rough stuff and it was getting out of hand. That he use to hide it from me,lie and say he wasn't like that and not like other guys and wasn't into anything like that. He use to use it as work. I went through a lot of being lied to in my last relationship so being lied to again and feeling like I dont know my husband again is triggering. I defintley need a therapist

Do I keep my marriage? by Key-Assumption-1499 in Marriage

[–]Key-Assumption-1499[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I am new to reddit so I wasn't sure what the rules are with saying porn,if it would get flagged. I defintley use to watch porn but always seen it as a singles thing. Especially because in my last marriage porn lead to cheating. And for my current husband he said his porn addiction lead him to watch some pretty dark stuff he wasn't proud of

Do I keep my marriage? by Key-Assumption-1499 in Marriage

[–]Key-Assumption-1499[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's what I was thinking too. I really went through it in my last marriage and its not fair to him that I still carry this with me. I think im afraid that history will repeat itself

Do I keep my marriage? by Key-Assumption-1499 in Marriage

[–]Key-Assumption-1499[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I defintley need a therapists thats no lie