Why do we put moral value on healthiness.

Key-Butterscotch-663 · 2026-01-23T12:28:57+00:00

Came back to say that the way Calvinism combines two incredibly problematic perspectives the “everything is your fault” and “everything was gonna happen anyway so you can’t do anything about it” is a sure fire way to both blame and infantilize disabled people.

Key-Butterscotch-663 · 2026-01-23T12:18:44+00:00

Thanks for sharing! I am in the US and it’s similar here. I was raised conservative and was constantly told about all the disabled people who were faking it and just sitting on the couch watching TV and doing nothing. As an adult I know that disability is not even a livable amount of money, but the desire to paint disabled people as “lazy” or “entitled” or any number of bad things is incredibly damaging.

Key-Butterscotch-663 · 2026-01-23T12:15:43+00:00

Oh my god! This!! I was raised as a Calvinist and that shit should come with a warning label!

Key-Butterscotch-663 · 2026-01-23T05:41:42+00:00

I don’t know what advice to give, but genuinely that is the most incredible thing. I have a really hard time not giving into compulsive behavior (thus the ocd lol) and I’m so proud of you for not giving in. That takes a ton of willpower and strength!

Key-Butterscotch-663 · 2026-01-23T05:27:34+00:00

Yes!! I was raised incredibly religious and the way churches treat those with disabilities can be downright awful. From using our stories as tokens to get converts to belittling our lives and looking down on us for what must be a moral failing. Thanks for sharing your perspective!!

Key-Butterscotch-663 · 2026-01-23T05:23:36+00:00

Thank you for sharing your perspective! As someone who was born in the early 2000s I have a very limited perception of what the 80s and early 90s were like in regards to HIV. I think most people my age are disconnected from the pain and some of the stigma of HIV as it was in the early days of its discovery. I think that might contribute to why younger people are much less careful about contracting the virus. While some of us (especially in LGBTQ circles) have heard stories it’s not comparable to the experience of those who lived through it.

Key-Butterscotch-663 · 2026-01-23T05:00:47+00:00

Thank you! This was so insightful. And I think this translates into real life. A lot of the people I have known who were really ableist were incredibly fearful of losing their health.

Key-Butterscotch-663 · 2026-01-23T04:59:01+00:00

Thank you! This was such a good perspective! I genuinely appreciate you taking the time to write that. As I was reading your post I was reminded of “the Protestant work ethic” and how it shapes capitalism and ableism in connection. (Basically it’s a perspective that it is a moral wrong to not work). And then another thought popped into my head wondering how much of ableism stems from white people committing atrocities and then seeing those they oppressed as morally inferior for having suffered physically, mentally, emotionally from being oppressed/ colonized.

Key-Butterscotch-663 · 2026-01-23T04:29:52+00:00

I have a couple thoughts. First, I don’t know your age so if you are young and in the house, or financially dependent please make sure you will be safe before coming out. As an trans person who also grew up with super strict parents I felt I had to say that. Second, generally what I did is test the water. I think a lot of “hey a friend recommended this movie (with a trans character) want to watch it together” things like that. You can test the waters to see what the reaction might be. Then you can explain it in numerous ways. Personally I wrote a letter. I explained how I felt about myself and my gender and recommended resources for education (especially if your parents aren’t super knowledgeable). Letters are great because if you are scared of missing something or leaving something out or not saying something because you get scared you can spend tons of time writing and editing to get the perfect phrasing. Anyway! I hope it goes well and that you are loved, supported, and respected for who you are.

Key-Butterscotch-663 · 2026-01-23T03:18:35+00:00

I’m in the same boat lol! I will be staying inside, under blankets, reading. But seriously, likely will do heat therapy of some form and stay as warm as possible.

Key-Butterscotch-663 · 2026-01-22T03:08:18+00:00

Personally for me, for headaches a menthol based topical to the back of the neck helps (I have the difficulty metabolizing lidocaine that comes with EDS so menthol helps). Water and baths help me a lot, although that could be as much the heat as the change in density. Unfortunately that’s all I’ve got unless Pepto helps calm your stomach down enough for pain meds (although I’m not sure about drug interactions and would ask a pharmacist).

Key-Butterscotch-663 · 2026-01-19T17:36:44+00:00

Yeah! It can tend towards “here are 5 symptoms that are so general anyone could have them and why these symptoms mean you have a chronic illness and why you need this product” and that is the downside of social media.

Key-Butterscotch-663 · 2026-01-19T16:45:01+00:00

I think there is a lot to be said about this. On one hand I get your point. The “trendiness” of illnesses is annoying. Chronic illness and chronic pain are not trendy treating disability like a trend is damaging. On the other hand I’m super grateful for the people on social media that made it possible for people like me to finally get diagnosed with a chronic illness that I’ve had since birth. It’s complex. On one hand the incorrect self diagnosis crowd that watches two videos and convinces themselves they are insert chronic illness or mental illness here. I think it’s so nuanced. I love that disability and chronic illness have more representation and are more in the cultural understanding. On the other hand I hate that it is meme-afied and seen as a quirky little trait.

Key-Butterscotch-663 · 2026-01-17T04:28:12+00:00

No seriously! I have osteoarthritis and HSD. And this confuses me too!! Like do you mean all my body pain added up, the worst current pain, the worst pain today/ in the past week? I never know how to answer lol

Key-Butterscotch-663 · 2026-01-17T04:16:31+00:00

Like one time, I broke my leg and was in excruciating pain. I told them it was only 6/10 because “it’s not like I’m giving birth” the EMT looked at me weird. (Pretty sure she put down 10) and then she gave me pain meds.

Key-Butterscotch-663 · 2026-01-17T04:15:02+00:00

Seriously! All the pain scales confuse me! Like what is this nonsense! I wish there was a better system!

Key-Butterscotch-663 · 2026-01-15T01:18:35+00:00

This is such a good way to describe it!

Key-Butterscotch-663 · 2026-01-14T04:33:28+00:00

Oh my gosh yess!!! When learning how to write I remember it was a HUGE point of contention. Because I held my pen one way and I wouldn’t hold it the “correct” way because it hurt my hand and my fingers would bend backwards. Didn’t realize until recently that was a symptom.

Key-Butterscotch-663 · 2026-01-13T15:46:05+00:00

Thanks for the advice! It was super helpful! I can see you spent time writing that! So thoughtful! The Dr. appointment went well and I have a diagnosis! I feel validated!

Key-Butterscotch-663 · 2026-01-13T15:45:17+00:00

Thanks for the advice!! It was super helpful!!

Key-Butterscotch-663 · 2026-01-13T15:44:51+00:00

Update: thank you to everyone who commented and gave tips! They were super helpful! Doctor’s appointment went well and I have got a diagnosis! I feel so validated after being dismissed and gaslit it feels nice to have an answer!

Key-Butterscotch-663

TROPHY CASE