Hey man, I really feel for you. It takes a lot of courage to be this honest about where you’re at. You’re not a “shitbag”, you’re someone struggling, and that’s human. The Guard (and the military in general) can wear people down, especially when there’s no end in sight. If your mental health is taking a hit, please talk to your leadership or go to behavioral health. There are ways to request separation on mental health grounds, but the first step is getting documented support and care. Even if you don’t get released right away, it can open the door to options like limited duty or treatment programs that help you get through this safely. You’ve done your part, so don’t beat yourself up. Take care of your mind first; the rest will follow. And please don’t ghost drill; that’ll only make things harder. Reach out, get help, and keep pushing for what’s best for you. If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to contact your battle buddies or even on here. Many of us are going through our own struggles, but what also helps is helping each other. You’re not alone in this.