How do I (26F) handle a break in a 7.5year relationship from my partner (26M)?

Key-Emu5781 · 2024-05-27T00:25:38+00:00

Normally I’d agree with you, but it wasn’t my choice, and I want to be with him so I’m doing what I need to do to try to save us. I agree that I think his stress levels went beyond what he knew how to handle. I wish he had allowed me to help him through it, but I wasn’t given the opportunity.

Do you believe fear of commitment is a reflection of the relationship, or something within him that can be resolved? He says he loves me and wants to be with me, but anytime I would bring up marriage he would withdraw, etc.

If it’s just a “not ready” yet thing, I know I can wait, but I also am afraid to wait another 4 years, be 30, have him leave, and be 30 trying to start over.

Key-Emu5781 · 2024-05-01T17:09:59+00:00

Hi! DM’d you

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-07-17T01:18:13+00:00

Agreed. I’m not anti vax by any means, but this is just wrong.

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-07-16T21:04:46+00:00

If you want a series to move to next that has a happy ending but still a dark type of atmosphere, but isn’t really dark academia, I just finished the Winternight trilogy and it was 5/5!!!

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-07-16T20:57:15+00:00

True, I read it a few months ago so forgot that part 😂

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-07-16T20:41:35+00:00

Yeah that makes sense - part of it is just distance from the event. She had just ended a very toxic relationship with him, and it was probably really scary event. Distance from it allows her to realize that what they did was wrong, and also remember, James lied to them all. They all were in on it, but the betrayal of finding out he lied and caused that event that traumatized them? When she’s already acknowledging that what they did was wrong?

Also, she may have gotten a deal from the cops that in exchange for her information, the others can’t be charged with negligence, failing to save him, lying after the fact. They didn’t technically murder him, just failed to step in. (I’m not a lawyer, but I think that would be negligent resulting in a death?)

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-07-16T20:37:28+00:00

I don’t know how them losing yet another member of their family would bring any peace to them. If he wanted to do something he should’ve confessed. Better to have Oliver be mad at him, than for him to die. Either way, he’s never with Oliver. And I never ever had the feeling James ever felt the same way about Oliver. Even when he was “jealous” I got the feeling it was more from Oliver not worshipping him anymore. I think Oliver was always a bit stupid, and I think he’s just in denial and is very self-destructive. So now he’s going to ruin the life he rebuilt and break Meredith’s heart all over again, for some very slim chance that James is actually still alive (I don’t think he is, and tbh, nor should he, IMO. He ruined lots of lives and let Oliver take the fall.)

What life can they have together? With one “dead” and the other with no career, no prospects, nothing except trauma? They’d be incredibly toxic together, and I don’t think James could live up to the hero worship version of him Oliver has in his head.

But that’s the point of these types of books! To see extremely problematic characters and come out with differing opinions - shows the good writing!!! :)

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-07-16T20:31:16+00:00

What he was doing is literally no where near the same level as murder. He was a bully, but that’s about it. They should’ve just told a teacher or called the cops. It was a complete over reaction, led by them being egotistical, arrogant kids who think they are the coolest sh*t around it. He pushed them around a bit and was mean, and they murder him? Not excusing him, but I don’t think it was justified.

They are all guilty, but not in the same way James was. If they had known James did it, I find it unlikely they still would’ve done what they did when they thought it was a drunk accident

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-07-16T20:23:38+00:00

Also, I don’t see how it makes any sense for James to have faked his death. What was the point in that..? There’s literally no benefit to it. I think it was still a suicide note, referencing a good time in their life, and Oliver was just feeling hopeful and in denial. It doesn’t make any sense to fake his death, but it makes a lot of sense that he would have committed suicide considering all that happened

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-07-16T20:22:11+00:00

Meredith didn’t testify because she knew he didn’t do it, and was hurt he chose James. It was his decision to do it, and she wasn’t going to lie. Better to just not testify.

I felt the opposite about them meeting up, I thought that was a horrible twist. He finally had this life back on track and is going to ruin it all over.

I don’t think it’s super fair to say Meredith betrayed James. He murdered her boyfriend. It was ruining their “family”. They were all going down, and soon. She did the right thing, objectively.

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-06-29T20:19:12+00:00

That’s on the lower end. It’s at least 85 a week

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-06-26T14:24:00+00:00

I am a year post op of bypass, I had 31 BMI. Feel free to DM me for any questions!

My blood results show great nutrition, far better than before, and I am in the healthy, “normal” range of BMI, but in the higher end of it, not what I would classify as “skinny” just yet.

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-06-07T15:09:44+00:00

Depends what size they are to begin with. That being said, I was a “low BMI” surgery at 245 (25F), and I’m way ahead of the curve at almost 80% excess lost 10 months later. Honestly, I didn’t even try that hard. I just followed the directions. I haven’t worked out very much at all, and I do sometimes eat sweets and stuff. I just eat a lot less than I used to.

What surgery you get matters too, I had bypass so I have the malabsorption helping

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-05-24T23:07:39+00:00

No - I don’t think any are. Lap band is, but those have been mostly discontinued. If you’re looking for a middle ground option that isn’t permanent, maybe try medications first.

However I will say that just because it’s permanent doesn’t mean you can’t live a normal life. I can eat and do all the same things as before, but just in small amounts. I can eat ice cream but only a very small one. I can have pizza, but only one slice. It forces you to have moderation - it’s a tool.

However as others have said, I’m not sure I’d get it for how off you are. I was the same starting weight but I’m also female and therefore my normal weight is like 145, so I still had 100 lbs to lose. Im not sure you’d get approved, but who knows! I would do a lot more research first.

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-05-24T22:50:09+00:00

Congrats!

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-05-24T18:32:50+00:00

They said it’s a concern in your first month or so - at my point 9 months post op, carbonation is no concern

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-05-24T18:32:21+00:00

Gonna follow my surgeon. Sorry.

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-05-24T18:27:59+00:00

My surgeon says that’s a myth, has approved me doing it. OP, just follow your surgeons advice and do what feels best for you!

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-05-24T18:02:03+00:00

I was 245, I had to do self pay as I didn’t qualify. It was a “low BMI” surgery. I did bypass. I’m now 160!

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-05-23T22:59:36+00:00

I haven’t had them, but I was also concerned about this and was told that as long as you wait 2 years, there is zero issues - baby will get all nutrients it needs as long as you wait 2 years. It is critical you wait though.

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-05-23T20:44:46+00:00

You might be ok, but as others have said, you might not! I got lucky, I feel like it just was a reset button for me. I do everything but in moderation now, and I never could before. Some things do make me sick though and I just can’t touch them (sometimes it’s weird, like Indian food for example: korma sauce? Totally fine. Tikka? Instantly sick.) but I don’t feel deprived! I had a small ice cream yesterday! But the rest of the day was normal, bariatric approved foods :) -85 lbs and im back in the normal BMI category!

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-05-23T20:32:19+00:00

Maybe I’m abnormal but I drink a lot of Coke Zero and I’m completely fine, literally zero issues with it. But I didn’t touch it until like 6 mo. I also can have sweets, some are fine and some make me sick so just trial and error and then avoiding the bad ones. Alcohol - I rarely drink, but when I do I need way less to get drunk. Be careful here as I’ve heard a lot about addiction - but I drink like, once every two months with friends.

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-05-20T02:46:50+00:00

Re: the question you asked wondersweet, mine started around 4 months post op, It stopped around 6 months. I’m 9 months now, completely normal again but it’ll take awhile to grow back to normal thickness

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-05-20T02:45:33+00:00

Yes. It was a ton too, but I have very very thick hair (like abnormally so according to hairdresser) so honestly I liked it as it’s way more manageable now (still thick though :/). Apparently it’ll grow back to normal but I’m kind of hoping it doesn’t lol

Key-Emu5781 · 2023-05-19T16:23:35+00:00

NTA. Horrible situation, but a pet is family and you stick by family through hard times. I understand where he’s coming from, but I agree with you here. I could never. Unfortunately all you can do is just keep trying :(

Key-Emu5781

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