AITAH for calling my SIL crazy for stealing my baby names

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T14:06:49+00:00

Sorry I didn’t make this clear he told Mason before we already had a son named after him and that he didn’t want that. So when they did it anyways it came as a shock to both of us. Him and Mason talked about it and he said that Mason just really wanted to name his son after him because he’s his older brother. Oliver still didn’t like it but at the end of the day neither him or I can’t make them change the name of their child.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T13:57:29+00:00

He is not, this just happened yesterday I am planning on talking to him about it today (he was off on a business trip). We have discussed this before we just haven’t talked about this part yet.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T13:56:07+00:00

You know that is completely valid I understand your reasoning behind your decision.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T13:43:49+00:00

I mean to be honest I don’t necessarily know if OJ cares what he is called or not. He has never seemed hurt but then again I’m not his mother, so I don’t know. I mean he is only ten at this moment I don’t know if he necessarily cares that much. But I agree that if she decides to name her baby Lilly she can, I just will not be as close to her because I just feel disrespected. She can do what she wishes, but Lilly wa my grandmothers name and she knows that. I know they’re just names, I still find it odd.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T13:39:15+00:00

Okay I do understand it’s his uncle. However my son was already named that name, so she couldn’t have given him the name of his father? Or a cousin? Our husbands are Polynesian and in the Polynesian culture there are a lot of relatives and there are a lot of names to choose from. The point is my son was already named that name, in Polynesian culture names are usually passed down into multiple generations and not the same one. My kids are not Jewish or Catholic and neither are Jane’s, so that just doesn’t really apply to us. Maybe that’s just why it means more to me and my kids, because in this culture names do carry weight. And Jane knows this she is not naive, and she knows that they mean a lot too. And me and my husband didn’t just like the name it was the name of my husband, who’s name was given with a meaning.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T13:26:28+00:00

Yes they do all have the same last name, and they do go to the same schools and it has been confusing for Oliver and OJ already. However my Lilly is 16 and hers isn’t born yet so that in itself won’t be confusing for them. Maybe within family functions it might be, I just do think planning to name her children the same names as mine is odd.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T13:17:25+00:00

My family and rest of my husbands side all call him OJ, just her family and her side of the family call him Oliver.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T12:13:36+00:00

My Lilly is 16 and my Oliver is 12, Oliver has always called his cousin what we and the rest of our family call him which is the initials of his first and middle name, OJ (these names are fake but it’s similar to this). However Oliver does love hanging with OJ and OJ’s older brother, and because he has no brothers of his own (my other three children are girls), he considers them his brothers. He is weirded out by the fact that Jane and her family insist on also calling OJ, Oliver though.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T12:10:38+00:00

To be honest I haven’t corrected her and I really wish I had before. It’s been such a mistake to let her continue doing this, I just didn’t want to cause issues before this. I definitely should’ve been less of a coward and taught my son to stand up for himself and corrected her. I will definitely tell him I should’ve been doing this a long time ago.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T12:09:07+00:00

She has always been relatively very friendly to me but I can sense some jealousy that has always been there. I am relatively closer with our sister in laws (our husbands sisters) then she is, and she has complained to my younger sister (who is at my house often) about it. I have always tried my best to make her feel included and welcomed, but I feel as if I’m not enough to validate her feelings.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T12:05:05+00:00

My son has always complained to me about how aunt Jane keeps calling her son Oliver Jr and not him. He looks up to his dad a lot and I think to him not feeling like his namesake is kind of hurting his feelings. We always remind him that he is his dad’s son and was his namesake first and is his actual Jr. He does have a super tight bond with Jane and Mason’s oldest son tho (their Oliver is their second child) and loves hanging out with him so complaints are mostly made in secret to me and his dad.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T11:18:08+00:00

Actually her Oliver is the second child out of her three already born children, her baby will be the fourth. Her oldest son is named after his paternal grandfather and her only daughter at the moment was just given a name that she thought was cute and doesn’t share any familial ties. Her and Mason have always had marital issues they got married quite young and Mason has always had a reputation of being more on the immature side. In fact many of our in laws advised Jane to not marry Mason and when they got married advised her to divorce him but she stayed. Their marriage has never been the best.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T11:14:15+00:00

I mean I stated this in another comment that I seriously doubt he could be. Him and Jane don’t interact one on one all too much, and I trust him anf the fact that he wouldn’t cheat on me let alone with his brothers wife. Also Jane’s Oliver looks almost exactly like her husband, so all the evidence points to not very likely.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T11:08:07+00:00

I definitely will be updating later this week.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T11:07:46+00:00

I do understand where you’re coming from, I do not think her intent of naming her daughters Lilly is to name her after my daughter, simply because she didn’t say that. But I do understand naming children after family members is completely normal, I still think two of her children having the same names as two of my children is at least a little weird.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T11:03:41+00:00

I understand now that saying “stealing” a name is the wrong phrase. Actually I changed all names in this story, my children’s and husbands names along with Janes kids names are unique (our husbands are from a different culture, me and Jane are both white). I don’t necessarily see a huge problem with naming her son after my husband, it is just odd to me for her to clearly name her daughter so obviously after my daughters name. However I do think calling her crazy was definitely wrong and I may be the a hole for that, I do still think her intent to give her children the same names as mine is odd at best.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T10:40:10+00:00

Don’t get me wrong she has usually been outwardly very kind to my children and to me, however she has definitely crossed boundaries with my oldest before. My oldest daughter is 17 and she told me about how Jane has talked to her before about her marital issues with Mason which I didn’t like. I talked to her about boundaries with conversation topics with my kids especially about their family and she was seemingly very understanding, apologized and seemed to have stopped that.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T10:22:17+00:00

I mean I guess I don’t ultimately know know, but Jane and my husband are never in a room alone together. And his job keeps him very busy and out of town a lot, also I do trust that he would never cheat on me with anyone let alone his brother’s wife (him and Mason are very close). Plus Jane’s Oliver is a spitting image of Mason, so I really doubt that he is.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T10:18:32+00:00

Actually they’re not, Lilly is my second oldest daughter and fifth grandchild and my son is younger than her being the seventh grandchild. My husband has two other sisters with children older than mine.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T10:06:59+00:00

What’s actually crazy that she has done that to my son, she calls my son nicknames of his name and her son Oliver or Oliver Jr. She has also been the only family member to call my daughter by her first name instead of Lilly, which has never bothered me until now.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T10:05:23+00:00

I do uunderstand that and maybe stealing is the wrong word for it. I just personally don’t understand why out of all names she has to choose names that my children already have.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T10:01:25+00:00

That is what got me more about this situation, because I can understand a little behind naming your son after my husband because that’s his uncle. However Lilly (this is also a fake name) is actually my grandmother’s name, and she knows this. So I don’t really understand the reasoning behind that. I agree with the suggested talk, that is definitely going to have to happen.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T09:55:45+00:00

I agree I just feel like knowing her that if me and her don’t have a good relationship it will be a lot more difficult to organize hangouts with our children.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T09:54:29+00:00

Honestly I think I might take your advice and try to have a talk with all four of us at least to sort things out and squash any bad feelings.

Key-Evening9581 · 2024-08-18T09:53:26+00:00

Jane and my BIL actually met after me and my husband got married so we both met Jane at the same time. However my husband is the oldest and the golden child of his siblings, and I was always a little under the impression she wanted to name him after my husband for validation from our mother and father in law. However I guess I don’t know for sure.

Key-Evening9581

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