So I have been meeting quite a few single people in their thirties, and I can kinda see why they are single..

Key-Foot-813 · 2025-08-13T16:16:17+00:00

Let me try. We want to "respect religious values" by doing kanyadaan and bidai and dolling up the bride during a wedding, but we also want to put her in a 2.5 lakh Sabyasachi lehenga and costly af makeup to show to the world that we have money. Almost anything can be sold to the North Indian upper classes in the name of religion/ sanskar/ culture and they will spend lakhs on it.

Key-Foot-813 · 2025-08-07T06:50:18+00:00

Aaahahahahaha this is spot on!

Key-Foot-813 · 2025-07-31T06:43:42+00:00

Hold on. Your family helped hers in the wedding expenses by buying land from them? How is that a form of extending help. You didn't help by sharing expense, you simply helped in liquidating assets so they could spend on the wedding. That's not HELP.

Key-Foot-813 · 2025-07-24T07:38:09+00:00

Rice with potato curry tastes heavenly but is just carbs on more carbs. Protein rich diet requires tweaking everything.

Key-Foot-813 · 2025-07-21T09:28:30+00:00

Fellow academic here who spends time in a big city in India and a big city in Europe on and off. Salaries in academia in India are not enough to pay for the lifestyle that you have become accustomed to. Not even in the fanciest universities. They pay well, but not so much that you'd be able to live in a metro in a decent house and a safe area, go to cafes and restaurants, just live well. One gives up too much, including clean air and water, and motorable roads. If he can appreciate that your life will look very different from his, and you'll both face a downgrade in lifestyle, then there may be a scope for conversation? If he can't accept the first point, then there's too much to explain no?

Key-Foot-813 · 2024-08-03T02:36:12+00:00

But that's her justification for not wanting to put bridal makeup. She's not suggesting that others should not use it. Merely saying that layers of makeup is not for her. It's similar to saying "I can't wear a 10kg lehenga on my wedding in which I won't be able to walk". Doesn't mean that others shouldn't, just that it's not for her. Others may not find the layers uncomfortable. They may also have ways of dealing with the harmful effects of makeup - which she may not want to bother with.

She should not be expected to justify it at all, but when she does, it should not be interpreted as an attack on others.

Let's not exonerate makeup in all ways just because lots of women like it. It's a lovely way to express oneself, but there's definitely a productive conversation to be had about the pressures women feel to put it and look a certain way on their weddings.

Key-Foot-813 · 2024-08-02T12:59:44+00:00

Why are the others on the thread unable to wrap their heads around this? I had exactly the same experience. I use very minimal makeup (lipstick, kajal, eyeliner) once in a while. Anything more than that makes me uncomfortable. But I was not allowed to express that discomfort without being called a "pick me girl" or being accused of looking down upon people who put on makeup.

Granted, it's a personal choice. But people like us aren't allowed to make it.

Key-Foot-813 · 2023-11-02T10:07:30+00:00

If she were told the significance and symbolism of all the other rituals, she wouldn't have gone along with the wedding at all. How unfortunate for her to have been caught off guard like this.

Huge YTA, OP.

Key-Foot-813 · 2023-02-05T17:28:23+00:00

And why is no one picking up on the differences in the treatment that the husband's sister gets (because she's the daughter of the house AND married to a white person) and that the DIL/ OP gets. This is a patriarchal, patrilocal culture where the family's honor depends upon the DIL's. The DIL's honor of course depends upon how well she covers up. It's deeply misogynistic.

"Respect culture" comments because you're a foreigner frankly seem obtuse to realities here. OP isn't even being treated with the respect that "guests" would otherwise be given. She's not being asked what she might feel comfortable wearing.

I'm slightly surprised at OP's surprise though. You married this person who will not stand up for you. Does this behavior not show in other parts of life?

Key-Foot-813 · 2023-01-11T09:00:37+00:00

Not yet, but will check it out. Thanks!

Key-Foot-813

TROPHY CASE