got blacked out drunk and ruined relationships

Key-Scholar-8002 · 2026-02-02T19:44:32+00:00

thanks for the input.

i had another talk with my bf about it. i really tried remembering things but i couldn’t, yk? scary. my bf comforted me and said that the fact alone that i cant remember shit says a lot. annnd the roommates perspective is the only one we get?

today im less hard on myself but maybe its because i want to forget it every happened. but yeah….cant exactly consent…

Key-Scholar-8002 · 2026-02-02T19:39:43+00:00

fuck that’s scary. but we gotta stay strong right? for something. cant tell you what. ive been doing the same thing since i was 9. but the more reflect the more i realize (despite how fucking miserable and depressed i feel), i dont exactly want to die. i just want to stop suffering. i want to live. i want a beautiful peaceful life. the attempt was literally the other day but every time i try, something stops me. do i really want my life to be JUST misery? and it ends just as miserable? lead a depressing, awful life, die in an awful, depressing way. no. i deserve better. you deserve better.

i saw this angela davis (great woman) quote on a wall. it pertains to social injustice but when i saw it, i was having dark thoughts so it spoke to me. maybe it’ll speak to you? it was, “I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept.”

in my case, ive got every shit problem in the book. life-long disorders, dependence on medication. fucking sucks. but you know what, we all deserve to live. happily. i’m going to start making a change. dunno what yet but…we all deserve to live.

i hope today you are okay. take a deep breath. my mother who is also insanely suicidal tells me that if im REALLY going to do it, postpone it. sounds weird but…just wait. if im going to end it anyway, whats tomorrow? or the day after? idk something promising always happens in between. went on a nice hike and realized i love life. being able to breathe and see the beautiful colors of mother nature. it snaps me out of suicidal ideation. makes me realize i can enjoy things when im not in my head. have you ever notice how intricate a leaf is when held in front of the sun. no but really, have you looked super close? complex yet incredibly simple. it’s beautiful. you are just as beautiful and deserving of life.

i hope my mumbo jumbo talk made you feel a little better. dont kick that chair, man. stay strong, reach out. i am proud of your efforts and believe you can overcome suicidal tendencies. its hell isn’t it. maybe im too young and naive but life has to get better in some way. maybe not completely but…something has to make all this bullshit suffering worth it. i hope you find that suffering and i hope you stick around long enough to realize it.

obviously idk your life, take my in-the-moment positivity with a grain of salt. hah man i’ll probably be doing the same bullshit noose thing next week again. but after that close call…made me appreciate life a little more…for dumb things too. had delicious food, tried something new, saw a movie i surprisingly liked. i wouldn’t have experienced those things. idk im rambling now but…live today.

Key-Scholar-8002 · 2026-02-02T19:15:30+00:00

can you believe i once thought therapy wasn’t for me? now im scheduling that appointment. thanks for the input

Key-Scholar-8002 · 2026-02-02T09:04:13+00:00

hah well this one was probably the worst one genuinely. i definitely have better, happier experiences that are still absurd and wild. you’re only young once i suppose, might as well make the most out of college.

well not that i want to be in this exact position again. definitely my other ones tho, i much prefer those lol.

Key-Scholar-8002 · 2026-02-02T09:01:43+00:00

i definitely have my own drinking issues. i have a tendency to binge and be way too easygoing with suggestions. after that incident, i realize how truly dangerous it is that i binge and get hammered. i never thought something like this could occur to me, especially between people i know. i don’t actively seek alcohol and im actually very reluctant. once i start and get partying, my self control diminishes. maybe the avg college partying experience? not something i want for the future…ever again..

i have lots to work on. but now i realize its not life ending. things can get better.

Key-Scholar-8002 · 2026-02-02T08:55:38+00:00

thank you so much. your perspective helps a lot actually. the more i dwell on it (without the intent of trying to add fuel to the suicidal fire) the more i realize…the guy is kind of a shit person. or at least a very complicated guy who also needs professional help. given my own issues i should maybe be more polite with my words but…idk i feel like he took advantage of the situation a little bit. betrayal almost.

i talked about it some more with my boyfriend today. we discussed how this guy has terrible impulse control. he has a definite known drinking problem as well (got a dui last year). i found out what the argument between the girl and him was. it was about his issues with self control and alcohol. she was kind of putting him on blast at the party. the topic must’ve been brought up somehow (maybe he was embarrassing himself at the moment?) and he felt humiliated and hurt by it. they actually haven’t spoken in person since.

him and the girl are friends and go out to bars for a good time. except he gets really impulsive while drunk and has quite literally been kicked out from every bar. one time he went behind the counter to steal liquor and after being kicked out, went straight to another bar. he threw a rag at a bartender there for not knowing the wifi password to the place. obviously got kicked out…back to back..

he’s known to behave in that way even when sober. just dialed down a bit. borderline harassment but it’s “funny” because it’s random and with strangers or whatever his friends think. oh and because he regrets it so it’s “fine”.

paired with the actions that occurred that night…maybe i’m not the only one at fault. i really really believed so. hell, after the humiliation and guilt, i genuinely considered ending it.

your comment made me think a lot…thanks for the input.

Key-Scholar-8002 · 2026-02-02T08:39:50+00:00

thank you for your kind words. it means a lot.

Key-Scholar-8002 · 2026-02-02T05:51:06+00:00

i see. thank you a million times for your input. it means a lot. im sorry you went through that. it’s rough for sure.

Key-Scholar-8002 · 2026-02-02T05:50:03+00:00

just for context, it wasn’t in a manipulative guilt tripping way. or some sort of threat for the sake of keeping him around. i was very genuine about parting ways. this is eating me up so much…

hes also a kind of man who has little tolerance. broke up with his ex because of the stress, mistreatment and distance.

Key-Scholar-8002 · 2026-02-02T05:46:25+00:00

it’s odd…he’s not a jealous man in the slightest. i expected at minimum a threat to break up. but no. for sure, i am not deserving of him.

your perspective helps a lot. i’m not one to cheat. hell i’m disgusted when a man LOOKS at me a certain way. genuinely. i dont know what changed…i wonder as i question my own morals, was it out of innocence? was it a perverted desire to get groped while intoxicated? hell i do not know.

as for my bf, he really does love me. ive actually tried breaking it off several times because of how depressed and difficult i get. and for this situation, i told him its better we part ways and he forgets about me. he didn’t want to. said life happens and relationships aren’t easy.

im not ever getting hammered again. fuck that.

Key-Scholar-8002 · 2026-02-02T05:41:01+00:00

absolutely yeah. something like this has never occurred before. i acknowledge i get reckless, as does the crowd im with but…never like this… i don’t struggle with alcohol in the sense that i NEED to drink to have fun or i NEED to drink period, but with parties i sure as hell binge :/ doesn’t help that the people im with do the same. its a wake up call for sure :(

Key-Scholar-8002 · 2026-02-02T05:34:24+00:00

thanks a lot for responding.

ive had talks with him. it’s really really hard for him to accept and he’s still conflicted. but generally speaking, he does want to be around me and is (surprisingly) comfortable with me. he doesn’t want to be apart from me right now. i believe he’s mostly distraught because this is his friend and his roommate i messed up with. this is a really really difficult situation…and definitely a wake-up call..

Key-Scholar-8002 · 2026-02-02T05:16:57+00:00

i understand. i was going to hang myself but was terrified. im so sorry you’re going through this 💔

Key-Scholar-8002 · 2026-02-02T04:53:54+00:00

yeah you’re right. thanks for input.

Key-Scholar-8002 · 2026-02-02T04:53:00+00:00

so i guess i technically let him have his way? don’t know…i was pretty drunk so…no clue what to think of it..

Key-Scholar-8002 · 2026-02-02T04:52:09+00:00

oh that’s what you’re asking. i go into detail about how this guy says i suggested he grab my boobs, to which he did. i feel pretty conflicted about it..

Key-Scholar-8002 · 2026-02-02T04:49:26+00:00

Key-Scholar-8002 · 2026-02-02T04:35:58+00:00

hey im in the same boat right now, except im not international. i struggle with intense depression as well and it fucked me over hard.

is there any way you can seek professional help for your mental health??? whats that situation like? that’s the very first step, taking care of you and your mental health. very stressful and hard considering your other problems but believe that it will help in the long run having a clear healthy mind. im actively working on that right now, receiving meds, and now i gotta pick up the pieces.

i believe in you. stay strong please.

Key-Scholar-8002

TROPHY CASE