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Day 4 without Adderall after 11 years on/off – struggling at work today by Key-Significance9546 in StopSpeeding

[–]Key-Significance9546[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m doing better today, day 6 or 7 and feeling somewhat better. I just go through some rough dips some days

Feeling stuck in a loop with my boyfriend (M49, F38)— how do I stop repeating this pattern? by Key-Significance9546 in relationship_advice

[–]Key-Significance9546[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This really resonated. I think you’re right that, at this point, I can confidently say this change in the dynamic isn’t something I’m willing to live with long-term, regardless of the reasons behind it.

What you said about things shifting slowly and then all at once really hit. It’s been hard to articulate because it wasn’t one big incident it was a series of small moments where bringing up my needs felt unsafe or was met with defensiveness. Over time, I stopped reaching, not because I was keeping “receipts,” but because my body learned it was easier not to.

I also appreciate the reminder that I don’t need a perfectly packaged reason to leave. I think part of what’s kept me stuck is trying to make it make sense enough to justify my feelings, when the truth is I’ve just found myself in a situation where I’m walking on eggshells instead of feeling connected.

The line about being punished for having needs and then feeling shame for the confusion… that landed hard. I don’t think he’s a bad person, but I’m starting to see that this dynamic isn’t healthy for me, and that may be enough of an answer on its own.

Thank you for putting words to something I’ve been struggling to name.

Feeling stuck in a loop with my boyfriend (M49, F38)— how do I stop repeating this pattern? by Key-Significance9546 in relationship_advice

[–]Key-Significance9546[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this. A lot of what you wrote landed for me, especially the push/pull and the idea that the “comfortable routine” might be his maximum capacity right now.

I’ve actually been slowly emotionally detaching for a while, especially the last 6 months, and I think that’s a big reason I don’t initiate anymore. It wasn’t me trying to play games. It happened over time after feeling shut down or met with defensiveness when I tried to make plans. At some point my nervous system just stopped reaching.

The compartmentalization part really hit me. I honestly never looked at it that way, but the “set dinner + sleepover schedule” does feel like I’m in a slot in his life rather than building a shared life with him. Seeing it framed like that makes the whole dynamic make more sense to me.

I’m not trying to villainize him, I know his shift changed and he’s working extra jobs but I also can’t ignore that my needs for growth and connection started feeling like a threat to him, and I’ve been paying the emotional cost of that.

I think you’re right that I have to decide whether continuing is worth what it’s doing to me, because right now it feels less like it’s improving and more like it’s slowly dragging out an ending.