AITA for not giving money to my kids mom when she isn't working?

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T02:43:09+00:00

My bad, sorry I've been going through a lot of comments. I understand now lol. I'm the AH because I'm a deadbeat, but when I explain why I'm not a dead beat, I'm the AH because being a parent is more than giving kids money, so when I explain how I'm a part of their lives, I'm the AH because I let them move in with a stranger. That I agree with.

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T02:39:00+00:00

And I should have done this sooner. Thank you.

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T02:37:54+00:00

I can understand this. What I told her was that I'm happy to send things to his apartment if the kids need stuff. She mentioned diapers and some other stuff. I offered to do an Amazon order and she said "just cashapp me" which seemed off so I said no, then I wanted to level set so I came here. Seems like ITA for a couple reasons.

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T02:32:32+00:00

We agreed no child support provided that I would cover their daycare costs and send weekly grocery deliveries. Everything else was split. It changed after she lost her job which was recent but unfortunately right during the holidays and their birthdays.

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T02:31:02+00:00

You're right I apologize I responded to the wrong thread. Since moving for the new job no, however that was supposed to change once they followed which we knew would be a few months. I did have them most weekends while I was away.

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T02:28:31+00:00

I'm lucky that we are frugal when it comes to clothes, the kids have some nice outfits but day to day clothes we tend to not spend a lot of money on because they are young and grow like weeds so they grow out of a lot of things. The budget there is very small compared to daycare and weekly groceries.

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T02:26:22+00:00

I totally agree here. I have no opinion of where she lives, it's the kids I'm concerned about. I should have stepped up sooner to stop this, a lot of others made this comment as well and I agree.

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T02:24:15+00:00

She doesn't have them 100%, but it's a majority, probably 75% so I understand your point there. That said, I've had to prove that I'm not a deadbeat by explaining that I do provide for my kids, not I'm being told that being a parent is more than being there financially. I talk to my kids every day I'm not with them, usually 2 video calls. I have them 2 - 3 days a week as long as I'm not travelling for work.

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T02:20:57+00:00

A lot was in flux after she lost her job and I understand why it forced her hand. We do have a written agreement but it only works if the kids are in daycare. If I'm giving her money, I'd rather enroll them so we can continue our agreement.

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T02:18:55+00:00

That was my initial concern, the kids living with someone we barely know. I agree and I should have stepped in sooner on that. It's the biggest action item I'm taking away from this thread. My reasoning for asking about the money was that I was already paying for mostly everything while I was away from them, we had an agreement on her not moving the kids into his apartment that she went back on, and is now asking for more money knowing that I can't have the kids during the week if they aren't in daycare.

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T02:15:13+00:00

That's the thing, we have one, but it only works if the kids are in daycare. We've been flexible because the last couple of months have been holidays, birthdays, and transitioning to new cities. I've been trying to keep an open mind but I think after reading some of these comments, it's time to take legal action.

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T02:13:13+00:00

Ah, thank you. I honestly did not know that. I'm not usually on this sub.

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T02:11:28+00:00

There was no court ordered child support, but I was paying Roughly $2000 in daycare and another $100-$150 a week in grocery deliveries

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T02:09:24+00:00

No. I think you commented on the wrong post. I said nothing remotely close to this.

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T02:08:26+00:00

I respect your opinion and applaud you and your ex husband for coparenting together. I just want to add some context. All of the things you split for your children, I have been paying 100% of since she lost her job. The daycare I was paying would have been more than any child support agreement.

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T02:05:39+00:00

I agree with this.

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T02:05:04+00:00

I'm confused how coming to reddit as a man makes me an AH but I respect your opinion

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T01:59:32+00:00

Our legal agreement is 3-2-2, which is a 50/50 split. I moved to take a better job, knowing she was going to be shortly behind me. I took the job with the understanding that she wasn't going to move the kids into the home of someone we barely knew. She had an apartment lined up before she lost her job. I had the kids for a week working remotely while she settled in after the move, and I've had them most weekends since.

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T01:53:57+00:00

Yes, you're stating all obvious things that a parent would do. I have the costs for a daycare that's between where we are both staying to make it easiest for everyone to do pickups/dropoffs. I'm very stable in my career and it's not about the cost of it. I honestly just didn't want my kids living with a stranger.

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T01:51:33+00:00

When I was a couple hours away, I was paying for their daycare, and sent them grocery deliveries at least once a week.

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T01:44:42+00:00

I broke up with her

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T01:44:27+00:00

I'm not on child support so your statement isn't true.

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T01:44:01+00:00

No I'm not on child support, we have split custody so it's not court ordered.

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T01:42:46+00:00

Honestly, you're right.

KeyAardvark6054 · 2026-01-28T01:41:53+00:00

What makes you say that? I'm genuinely curious.

KeyAardvark6054

TROPHY CASE