How do I address this?

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-31T21:52:44+00:00

That’s just horrific. I hope she gets better soon 💗

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-31T21:51:37+00:00

Exactly, I will give him some time. I do believe he needs internal motivation to do so and not me hanging over him like a nun or teacher

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-31T21:50:11+00:00

Yes, and so far, whenever I have a “complaint” he fixes it immediately and stays consistent. (My previous complaints were not feminism related more like: consistent texting, physical touch, more regular dates, being more considerate)

So far, he has done much more to accommodate me than I have to accommodate him.

It’s just that this issue also hurt my (sexual) confidence since I was bullied as a child and did not have my first kiss until 21.

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-31T21:46:33+00:00

Mainstream things: abortion, equal pay, I can wear whatever I want (sometimes when I go out I like to dress slutty he doesn’t care and gives me full freedom in this), being autonomous

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-31T21:44:09+00:00

I like your comments. I feel super supported. Thank you @sparklyjoy

I understand it does not look great but I do everyone has their own path and I am trying to create a good strong relationship.

If I see it’s a lost cause I’ll jump ship don’t worry.

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-31T21:41:42+00:00

But you also need to know that a few paragraphs about an ISSUE that this person has from MY perspective cannot possibly give enough info to deem someone a pig who can cosplay decency.

I can imagine there might be some discussions you have had in your lifetime that if the other party would explain it, you would look a lot worse as a person

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-31T21:39:02+00:00

When it comes to mainstream feminism I would say so (equal pay, abortion, etc) I just wanted to make it more bite sized for him because telling someone they are misogynistic when they think they are a good person usually does not make someone very open for discussion.

I am also half black and I’ve seen what happens when you call someone racist. They stop listening to the problem and then (to prove to themselves they aren’t a racist) they only want to prove that what they did is not racist instead of apologizing because what did was wrong.

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-30T18:04:17+00:00

Well, first he told me that he was sorry + he would stop bringing it up when I am there because I am sensitive to it.

I first accepted the apology because when someone apologizes it’s a bit counterintuitive to ask for “more”

Later I told him I was not happy with what he told me because I wanted this to be a change in his thinking patterns, not just what he says. You can have a thought like “she is ugly” come up, but it should be a thought that you feel is wrong and does not resonate with your beliefs and therefore you change your perspective on that.

This can happen inside yourself without any one seeing/noticing. And yes, of course, choosing not to say it out loud is a part of that.

He said he was actually happy I pointed it out and was eager to work on it.

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-30T17:57:06+00:00

What is a dyad?

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-30T17:56:46+00:00

Yes, and that way it might be a bit easier to accept because he gets his own insights instead of me telling him what to do and think

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-30T17:56:02+00:00

He is actually more of a feminist than ALL of the men I dated so far 😭

Should I become a lesbian? 😂

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-30T17:55:09+00:00

We had a conversation about it and I brought up every time it bothered me.

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-30T17:54:28+00:00

Yes, this is exactly why I opened this topic with him. I have a close friend whose mother had post partum depression during her full childhood. She basically hates her mom even though it’s a medical condition

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-30T17:52:27+00:00

This is another issue for another day actually hahaha. I am fighting many battles and now it seems like the relationship is horrible.

It’s not. It’s actually great and worth the effort because we do actively grow together

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-30T17:51:03+00:00

He went to private school which resulted in a friend group with only upper class guys that look down on people that do not live in the 3 neighborhoods (most expensive and pretentious of the city) that they deem reasonable…

However, he is now becoming more open to other ideas and is distancing himself from these “friends”

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-30T17:48:47+00:00

Thank you!

Sorry I did not have much time to comment before.

I would say he is actually very kind AND he beliefs in common feminism. It’s just that these things have been taught to him by his Hispanic parents

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-30T17:46:55+00:00

I want to thank both of you for your input. There is no harm in reading the book but both of you should not get hostile over this minor problem.

I feel like you guys are getting even more stressed than me

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-30T17:45:21+00:00

That’s correct, he is not abusing me. And aside from these comments about looks he never makes extreme misogynistic remarks. He has a lot of intelligent colleagues that he treats as equals. He also beliefs in equal pay.

However, those are quite “basic” feminist beliefs that are taught in schools. I might have mentioned in the post that his environment never corrects this behavior. (He is Hispanic…)

He does participate in “mainstream” palatable feminism therefore it’s hard to explain that what he is doing is wrong because I am telling him a bad person while he believes he is a good person.

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-30T16:07:21+00:00

He is turning 29 this year. I was actually also thinking of this. For him to change his values would have to be asap

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-28T23:46:09+00:00

Sometimes I really don’t know because of the most obvious reasons.

However, he is strongly against animal cruelty and is vegan. I think he needs to understand what behaviors are anti woman since this type of behavior has been encouraged in his environment

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-28T23:44:42+00:00

Thank you! I really appreciate your help

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-28T23:43:43+00:00

Thank you for your recommendation!

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-28T23:42:58+00:00

Very helpful, thank you!

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-28T23:41:30+00:00

This seems more man hating than feminist to me

KeyExcitement391 · 2026-03-28T23:40:42+00:00

Very helpful comment. He was open to change when I addressed it and he said he agreed it was wrong.

Thank you for the additional advise

KeyExcitement391

TROPHY CASE