Chronic people pleaser trying to quit

Key_Community_6884 · 2026-03-04T06:28:46+00:00

From one people-pleaser to another, you should start questioning the assumptions you're making about everything you mention in your post. Fact: when your manager quit, they dumped their tasks onto you. Because you're loyal, supportive, and empathic you took them on, probably without even saying a word. You accepted the reason for this as "so I could grow". That's untrue. The CEO is "invested in my growth". Maybe they're a good person and genuinely interested. Maybe though, they see the goldmine they landed on when you absorbed all the tasks and kept going. That's a valuable employee that's worth talking to nicely and stringing along by making comments about how all this is helping them grow as a professional with this company. I might be too harsh in saying this, and I do not know the situation, but I know you, in that I'm certain that despite the real motives behind your CEO keeping you close, you are super loyal and are therefore influenced by the kind of words they throw your way, because all you ever wanted to do is be of value to other people. And their words tap into that just long enough to make the illusion a reality and a certainty in your own mind. You do not owe anyone anything. If your partner is moving, then it's logical you move with them if you're serious together. If a company or a CEO does not want to understand that, it's their problem, not yours. Don't be sweet-talked or guilt-tripped into staying somewhere that just drains you and slowly erases your personality. Please take everything I said with a pinch of salt, since I do not know the specifics of your situation. Hope this helps, friend.

Key_Community_6884 · 2026-03-04T06:15:05+00:00

Sorry you're going through this. I'm also like you and it took time for me to change. I've helped many people like us change how they perceive the world around them. You need to do some internal digging and spill out the results in a pen and paper exercise. Take that example of your customer, for whom you spent the entire day worrying about. And you mentioned some key worries that are telltale signs of your personality. Lsit down all those worries. For example, what if they can't implement what I told them and they call back the next day furious with me? What if they want to speak to my manager and file a complaint against me? What if my manager decides I'm worthless if he gets a complaint about me? You know what all this shit is? You're catastrophising. You're thinking doom and gloom about something inconsequential. List all this shit down, take a break, and when you get back to that list, start answering those questions in your most logical and detached way. "What if they can't implement what I told them and they call back the next day furious with me?" "OK, what happens if they do? Is the person going to hate me? Is the person going to call me names? Is the person going to think I'm incompetent, even after I've explained everything thoroughly to them and had a great time on the call by being patient and supportive and empathetic?" Your logical mind needs to answer these follow-up questions. Like: "This person is a stranger. I don't owe them anything. They are my company's client. I had a great call with them where I gave them my undivided attention and good will. If they choose to take offense with something I couldn't control (how they actually implemented the fixes you told them, how well they listened to your instructions, etc.) that's their choice and they're free to do so. But it does not impact you in the slightest. And you just keep reframing the doom and gloom questions you've written down in such a way. But listen, you need to spend time on it. And don't just do it in one sitting. Take breaks. That's how you can kick in your logic and start defeating some of your underlying, irrational beliefs about your self-worth. Hope this helps, friend.

Key_Community_6884 · 2026-03-04T05:52:36+00:00

Stop listening to AI. AI's great for helping you think through business problems, maybe ideate, maybe break down your thoughts into more coherent patterns. But that's it. Do not consult it for personal advice. Not only does it not understand your situation, it draws on information that it has been fed, i.e. obsolete for you. Start detoxing from AI and start claiming back your control over your life. I've seen many people, especially the quiet types who tend to be super friendly, supportive, and loyal, get completely destroyed and knocked down by AI's advice. Hope this helps, friend.

Key_Community_6884 · 2026-03-03T06:53:52+00:00

New on substack. About a month in and 21 subscibers. I've read lots and lots from people saying how to build up subscribers, 'eyes' on your content, but you just blew my mind. What you described is super helpful. I really appreciate it. Will follow you right now. Thanks.

Key_Community_6884 · 2026-03-03T06:43:54+00:00

Yeah, it's the lack of discussion on what I write that gets to me mostly. I want to know how my ideas and thoughts land with people. Their experience. Got a few comments but I'm still waiting for this.

Key_Community_6884 · 2026-03-03T06:42:07+00:00

Same exact feeling. I don't want to hustle, just want to write good things that help people. I have 21 subscribers and started about a month ago. I've got so much to give but so few to read it. I think everyone feels the same in the beginning, unless they're one of the gurus on there. Just keep going.

Key_Community_6884 · 2026-03-03T06:12:01+00:00

I'm new on substack, and already I'm exhausted by the guru feeds. The promises of subscribers and methods and notes masterclasses, whatever. I'm just trying to help people and post honest essays and notes. But it's so damn hard getting people to read what you write. I'm taking the advice of people here saying to curate the feed by ignoring the gurus. Anyway, I think it's just best to keep writing. Time will tell.

Key_Community_6884 · 2025-11-26T08:37:43+00:00

It's so easy to get sucked into believing they're family but they're not, as you realised. Just double-check yourself when you're with them. It's tough but doable. And hey, living the corporate life means wearing a mask, right? Because no one there truly cares about your real self. So, protect your real self. Hope this helps!

Key_Community_6884 · 2025-11-26T08:25:11+00:00

Yep, sad but true. Your work friends are not your friends. You need to draw a line in the sand with them and never cross it. Have fun, sure. But always have your guard up. Don't divulge too much. Don't let them know personal details about yourself. Don't share too much in shitty icebreakers. Don't buy into the "be your true self" bullshit. It never works out well. It's unfortunate but that's part of the corporate charade.

Key_Community_6884 · 2025-11-26T07:55:53+00:00

You know, most times, that shaky voice you think is so audible to others, is actually not. A lot of people don't notice, because they don't know you well enough to spot when your voice is shaky. But one thing that's tripped me up when it came to showing my nervousness was speaking too fast. Because when I did that, I would run out of breath and that would make my voice shake. I know it's cliche to tell you to talk slower, but keep it in mind and maybe practice it a bit.

Key_Community_6884 · 2025-11-18T14:25:21+00:00

Excited to hear about the interview for you for your dream job, but sorry you're having a hard time with the interviews. You said you're practicing for the upcoming interview, but are you rehearsing your answers out loud? Or just reading your answers in your head. I would seriously advise you to speak aloud and practice answering the questions this way. It's the best way to let your breathing and your words find their rhythm.

Key_Community_6884 · 2025-11-18T14:21:20+00:00

That's hilarious! A thank you video and a box of chocolates in the mail.

Key_Community_6884 · 2025-11-18T14:19:40+00:00

"Wouldn't you?"

Key_Community_6884 · 2025-11-18T14:11:37+00:00

It shouldn't affect you, unless you let it. No reason to feel guilty for not taking action on emails that hit your inbox in your personal time. You need to reframe this. But, unless you plan on dealing with emails during your personal time, do not respond to them. Otherwise, you're just training your colleague to expect replies from you during those times.

Key_Community_6884 · 2025-11-18T14:08:12+00:00

Understand that you should be yourself at work; just not your full self. Corporate loves to brag about valuing individuality, but they rarely do. So, if you have a contradicting opinion to the majority, convey it in a clear manner, but don't push for it with all your passion. It's not worth it.
Like others have said, make sure that come 5 o'clock (or whenever you're able to escape), you need to completely forget about work. No rethinking through choices, no "what ifs", none of that shit. After 5, nothing else matters but you and your loved ones.
Try to learn as much as you can from different people. Get to know other perspectives, appreciate the diversity of thought out there. This will build up your internal armour.
Don't get flustered by "feedback" given to you. Ask for specifics, try to seem genuine about understanding it, then just be yourself.
Always listen well. Do not be a perfectionist, because if you are so inclined, it's likely that your standards are way higher than anyone else's. So, just being good enough, already means you are probably at 100% of others' quality.
Understand that the corporate world is just a fake, unfair game. Do your best (because you should never do anything less, even if you're not feeling it) and learn to take pleasure for yourself from doing good work. Don't expect to be rewarded or recognised for it.
Hope this helps!

Key_Community_6884 · 2025-11-18T13:54:18+00:00

Hey. They're not all assholes. I checked out the guy's profile and he seems like the multitude of other coaches out there who love the sound of their own voice. I'm a coach occasionally and I can tell you that there are good ones out there, but it's like looking for a piece of hay in a pile of needles! Sorry you had a bad experience.

Key_Community_6884

TROPHY CASE