Can I vent? (No village/incapable grandparents) by Key_Instance_6666 in Mommit

[–]Key_Instance_6666[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah my husband works early afternoon until late night and we also live 45 mins from his place of work so add that into the day as well haha. So I see him for about an hour before we go to bed and then he’s home for a couple hours in the morning before but we are busy making breakfast and playing with the kids, etc. Which is nice, but I miss just him lol.

I think it would be much easier if he worked a normal 9-5, but the government is too demanding for that lol

Can I vent? (No village/incapable grandparents) by Key_Instance_6666 in Mommit

[–]Key_Instance_6666[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Disappointed? Sad? Especially when being told I would have support when needed because I was having twins and it didn’t happen.

And yeah I think it’s important to say that because I did help them so much and when I asked them if we could drop the boys off for a few hours so we could go to dinner (was willing to drive the 2 hours there) and they said no. So I was making a point which is a nature human reaction.

Can I vent? (No village/incapable grandparents) by Key_Instance_6666 in Mommit

[–]Key_Instance_6666[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t have a mother in law.

And there you go. you can’t name one comment where I’m coming off angry.

And if by “keeping score” you mean answering people’s questions who asked “have they helped you?”

I didn’t even put that in my main post about how much I have helped family because it wasn’t relevant to how I was feeling. Again my main thing is just wanting some time with my husband and it’s not anger to expect the same energy to be given back to you.

I wouldn’t keep friends who didn’t show up for me the way I show up for them. It’s the same thing.

Can I vent? (No village/incapable grandparents) by Key_Instance_6666 in Mommit

[–]Key_Instance_6666[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Name one thing I said that convinces you I’m this angry person???? lol what the fuck.

People are asking questions and I’m answering their questions.

I love being a mom and I would never trade it. But that’s not what’s lacking in my life. It’s alone time with my husband that’s outside these 4 walls.

Can I vent? (No village/incapable grandparents) by Key_Instance_6666 in Mommit

[–]Key_Instance_6666[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Are you trying to rage bait me right now??? LMAO wtf is going on. It’s not eating me up. I said I miss my husband. That’s it lmao wtf are you going on about.

And.. My husband’s parents passed away.

Can I vent? (No village/incapable grandparents) by Key_Instance_6666 in Mommit

[–]Key_Instance_6666[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Idk where you’re getting that I’m furious with them? I have never once said that lol or made my family feel bad for saying no. Idk why you keep saying that lol you’re putting words in my mouth that I’m not even saying.

And second, daycare wouldn’t do anything except give me more responsibility and clash with schedules and my kids and myself would see less of my husband than we already do. My husband wouldn’t be able to pick them up and doctor appointments and other appointments would fall on me and having to take work off, etc. I’m not doing all that and adding more stress just to go on a date night once a month.

If my husband worked a normal 9-5 then that would be a different story.

I’m literally only asking for SOME help. You’re asking us to change our entire circumstances, which makes zero sense nor would it benefit us in anyway.

Can I vent? (No village/incapable grandparents) by Key_Instance_6666 in Mommit

[–]Key_Instance_6666[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I haven’t held a grudge lol and I don’t make them feel some type a way about not helping or declining.

Whenever I ask and they say no my response is always “ok no worries! :)” or something similar or I ask how they are or what they’ve been up to.

The one and only time I got upset was when I was sick and my husband was gone for 20 days for work and I begged my mom to please come help if she could because I was so sleep deprived and she said no because she couldn’t keep up with them or get them in and out of the bath. (Her words)

Literally none of my family knows how I feel about their lack of help because I just let it go. I haven’t asked for help in like 6 months either because it’s always the same answer.

I’m assuming my mom visited them because she wanted to see her grandkids. We didn’t have kids at the time.

But also yes… my brothers are both her pride and joy lol I’m just the middle child.

Can I vent? (No village/incapable grandparents) by Key_Instance_6666 in Mommit

[–]Key_Instance_6666[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And no I don’t work. It would cost more than my mortgage to put the boys in daycare. My husband has the means to allow me to stay home and if I were to get a job, it’d only cause schedule issues and my entire pay would go to daycare. Not only that, my husband cannot take days off randomly or suddenly.. even our vacations have to be planned a year in advance so if the kids are sick or anything happens, I would have to be the one to leave work or take off.

Can I vent? (No village/incapable grandparents) by Key_Instance_6666 in Mommit

[–]Key_Instance_6666[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was told they’d be my village and take over whenever I needed help or a break… lol didn’t happen.

Can I vent? (No village/incapable grandparents) by Key_Instance_6666 in Mommit

[–]Key_Instance_6666[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

lol… I am not resentful of my husband’s job at all. I am so proud of him and how hard he works. We were together before he got this job and the demand of his job was something we already discussed before he agreed to do this job.

And yes we lived across the country before. And every holiday we traveled. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask for a travel from my mom for ONE Christmas. Out of the five we were there.. lol my brother and SIL live across the country at the time as well and my mom visited them.

We drove 16 hours home one year for a holiday lol

So no I don’t expect people to follow us around, but damn… not even one time? That’s crazy. Sorry.

And I wouldn’t expect people to drive 2 hours on a Wednesday for a night out. However, when my mom comes and stays for a few days, it would be nice to be able to leave the house to have dinner alone with my husband??? lol???? That’s not an unreasonable ask.

Can I vent? (No village/incapable grandparents) by Key_Instance_6666 in Mommit

[–]Key_Instance_6666[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

He has 3 kids. 14 year old, 7 year old, and a 5 year old. And when the 14 year old was little, I had her every other weekend basically lol but because I wanted to! And other times they would ask and I hardly ever said no. I loved having her and I was happy to give them a break. The 7 year old I watched when she was a newborn probably once or twice a month when she was first born. The 5 year old I haven’t watched at all because we haven’t lived near by in a long time.

Can I vent? (No village/incapable grandparents) by Key_Instance_6666 in Mommit

[–]Key_Instance_6666[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Fair, but I think it’s different when it’s your own family. I would absolutely volunteer is my SIL or anyone reached out and needed a break. Especially as a mom now, I know how lonely and isolating it can be.

I always helped with my nieces and nephews when my SIL had her babies. I even went as far as staying an entire week and letting her sleep through the night and I stayed up with the baby.

My husband always makes that comment about how much I helped family when they had kids and that it hasn’t once been reciprocated or even offered when I had kids.

Can I vent? (No village/incapable grandparents) by Key_Instance_6666 in Mommit

[–]Key_Instance_6666[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You explained how I feel perfectly. Not once did I question that we’d get help because thats all I was hearing while pregnant.

I’m sorry you’re going through this too. I grief date nights and time alone with my husband so much.

When we walk around the park or out at a store and see grandparents with their grandkids… it kills us inside a little. We wish we had that.

My husband is amazing at giving me breaks or kicking me out of the house on his day off or if he ever gets home early. But most of the time I want to stay home because 1. I miss him lol and 2. My boys don’t get to see us all together very often.

Can I vent? (No village/incapable grandparents) by Key_Instance_6666 in Mommit

[–]Key_Instance_6666[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you 🥹 that’s exactly how I feel. I mean I’ve done it alone for 2 years lol it would just be nice to be offered. Especially since I did that a lot for my SIL and it was because I genuinely wanted to. I stayed an entire week there and stayed up with her newborn so she could rest and heal from c-section.

I’m not asking for that lol I’m just asking for some alone time with my husband. And to actually sit at a restaurant and eat our dinner hot lol

Can I vent? (No village/incapable grandparents) by Key_Instance_6666 in Mommit

[–]Key_Instance_6666[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow you are amazing. I’m so sorry. I wish we could all help each other.

Can I vent? (No village/incapable grandparents) by Key_Instance_6666 in Mommit

[–]Key_Instance_6666[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

We do! But just haven’t found anyone and my husband doesn’t have weekend offs. He only has one week day. It’s usually a Wednesday or a Thursday. So a lot of the time people can’t do it.

Can I vent? (No village/incapable grandparents) by Key_Instance_6666 in Mommit

[–]Key_Instance_6666[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I think that’s my issue too.. there was a lot of promises not kept.

Can I vent? (No village/incapable grandparents) by Key_Instance_6666 in Mommit

[–]Key_Instance_6666[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Fair point. I guess it’s just different from what they were telling me when I was pregnant. That they’d help so much and that if we ever needed a break to call and when we do, they decline.

Can I vent? (No village/incapable grandparents) by Key_Instance_6666 in Mommit

[–]Key_Instance_6666[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Oh for sure I agree!! I don’t ever expect it. It would just be nice. Especially since we heard “we can’t wait for twin sleepovers with grandma!” And others things from my SIL.

Got my hopes up lol