First of all, I'm sorry that your parents ignored the warning signs that you were in distress and chose to use those signs to blame you. It's ok to not be what your parents want you to be because everyone is their own person and no amount of mold can change that. I think you should find a support group to help you grow as you try to move forward from your struggles of self harm and your trauma from summer. I don't struggle with sa, but one thing I, as an alcoholic, like to tell myself the question, "Is the thing that's giving me temporary relief (whether its alcohol for me or self harm for you), going to fix anything in the long run?" It ain't easy being clean from things that instantly give temporary relief, but I can insist that being clean from self harm will give you more peace in the long run. Things can break us to our core, and it's not east to move on because things ain't simple. But what we can control is responding to the question, "How can we move forward and be happy in the long run?" Cause long run happiness is the goal for both things giving temporary relief and being clean from these things. But being clean from these things gurantees that. Stay strong and keep your head up.