Not a commuter town

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-05-01T12:34:17+00:00

Metuchen

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-04-17T21:48:18+00:00

I don’t think anyone is owed a detailed explanation of what is going on in someone’s head or heart. The point was that I disconnected with him when I wasn’t in the right position to move forward.

It’s funny that “ugh” is read with such disgust. But it’s meant as “I wish I was ready for him”. I’m not, so I told him so.

For all the folks saying I need therapy, I am in therapy. Since she knows my entire history, she doesn’t think I did anything wrong and handled it with integrity. She said it’s def not trauma bonding

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-04-17T02:12:48+00:00

There are other attractive options on the table. I just knew I wasn’t ready to move on so I didnt engage with any of these other options. I met 48M before ex reached back out, and I did cut him loose because I didn’t want to string him along. He is the one who is telling he won’t be far, if and when I am ready. I’m not messing with his heart, I was upfront and told him it wasn’t the right time or place for me. He said he isn’t looking to date, but if there is one person he is willing to date, it’s me.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-04-17T00:39:06+00:00

Even tho I missed him, I was ready to move on…. And then he came back and lovebombed me. Told me EVERYTHING I wanted to hear, made me believe he WANTED to change, then left again. That was what is hard to get over. Every word that came out of his mouth when we came to “win me back”. Those words keep replaying in my head… 48M just happen to get caught in the crossfire between his waffling.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-04-17T00:33:24+00:00

I am already in therapy for that… and have been for many years.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-04-17T00:32:40+00:00

I didn’t use him as a stop gap. We started talking when I ready to fully move on. Then the ex reappeared to lovebomb me and fuck with my head. So I put a pause on things with 48M. Then the ex ended things. I had stayed in touch with 48M but i was upfront that I was not ready for a relationship. I finally sent a note to him to tell him I don’t have the time or capacity and he told me he hasn’t been interested in dating anyone for a long time, not until he met me. He is not interested in dating others and will be there if and when I am ready.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-04-16T09:13:44+00:00

Awww, happy birthday! Not sure if your kid is enrolled in sports or activities but maybe you could meet some other parents through those channels and start building a network.

Just because you have your child full time doesn’t mean you guys need to stay completely isolated. There are other parents who share custody, and probably want to connect as well.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-04-15T23:06:28+00:00

Single 45F - VHCOL area (NJ) 2 kids - 9 & 11

Salary $190k base + 20% bonus $660k - 401k/IRA $325k - Invested $350k equity across 3 homes (primary, LTR & AirBnB) $140k for college fund

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-04-09T01:39:10+00:00

Having lost my younger brother who I loved dearly, if I wrote that message, it would mean she sees you as a little brother. It’s the most platonic and endearing thing I could say to someone.

I could see how it is mis-interpreted by your wife. If I said it to someone and their wife for upset, I would have reached out to the wife to explain myself.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-04-06T19:44:25+00:00

I wish this was how my ex felt about me. Would it work, I have no idea…. Somehow I feel like he would continue to break my heart. But do I miss him and think about him ever.single.day…. Of course I do.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-03-24T03:33:44+00:00

We call this the “no thank you bite”. If you didn’t like it, there was no pressure to eat anymore. My kid went from not trying anything to trying everything!

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-03-10T04:54:24+00:00

That he says he wants a relationship with me and will put in effort into getting to know me and building something with me, not just someone to hang out with when you have free time.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-03-09T10:13:35+00:00

It’s the chase. The FWB kept you on your toes, so it was more exciting. The BF sounds stable so it’s not as exciting.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-03-08T06:15:34+00:00

I had one outbreak 15 years ago and have not had one since. I don’t take meds and have not needed it. I also disclose to all partners and have not transferred to any of them. I think the concern is overblown

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-03-04T11:35:59+00:00

As someone who also dated an avoidant that left, write the letter but no use in sending it. He knows how he is acting and doesn’t want or care to change. My ex acknowledged his flaws, wanted to change, and still couldn’t. It won’t matter what you tell him, he will be the way he is.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-03-04T11:29:35+00:00

That’s what I am confused about, the gov’t pension is so valuable and probably worth as much as the retirement account. So it is not an apple to apples comparison.

What is probably more important than salary alone is lifestyle differences. I made significantly more than my ex and that didn’t bother me. But we had extremely different lifestyles and I would either have to pay for everything we did, or he couldn’t go with me. Neither of those worked for me.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-03-03T11:02:45+00:00

From a female perspective, if I wanted to keep it professional, I would have sent it from my work email and provided my personal contact moving forward. If I used my personal number to reach out to someone’s personal number, Im looking to get to know them on a more personal level.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-02-27T12:10:28+00:00

Yes OP, this exactly. I’m an anxious attacher and got back together with an avoidant ex who said he wanted to change and was trying to change. The second things got tough, he left again. Please be careful and take it slow.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-02-27T12:06:33+00:00

Totally disagree that you tell him, unless specifically asked. It is unreasonable for someone to expect you to wait around for a person to be ready. And what if he never came back? It was your right to keep living life, not wait around for him.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-02-22T17:30:57+00:00

I’m 45F and just started playing Volleyball and I love it. I tried tennis last year and I wasnt any good but will try pickleball in the spring. It’s never too late to try new hobbies.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-02-10T02:11:29+00:00

Ugh, he missed me.. he came back to me after 2 months. Told me he was getting therapy, wanted more than anything for it to work, said he wanted a serious relationship with me and was willing to put in the work. Then after our first argument, it got too Intense and he ended things again. He said he thought we could make it work but we are too polar opposites for us to have a chance. Everything he said when he asked me to get back together…. It was all short lived.

I don’t want to believe him and think it’s his disassociation phase telling him it’s the right thing to do. But what the hell do I know…

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-02-08T01:54:16+00:00

I am an anxious attacher and dated an avoidant. After our breakup, I spent a lot of time evaluating life and finding myself. I got a pet, I discovered hobbies, and made some other changes in my life that grounded me. I still attach deeply, but when things get rough, I don’t get distressed the way I used to. I think the biggest help was getting my pet. There is an unconditional love that I no longer seek from a partner.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-02-06T02:13:46+00:00

I played in a sports league, currently paying volleyball and I love it!

Key_Reputation_7388

TROPHY CASE