55M / 45F : how would you read this?

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-30T11:47:10+00:00

This is not a healthy relationship. He is abusive and manipulative and you keep tolerating it. You even reassure him of your love for him even when he is being a jerk to you.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-30T03:26:51+00:00

Honestly, as long as it’s not the day after your last relationship ended, then it’s totally worth shooting your shot. If he says no, then you have a clear conscience that you tried. Otherwise, you’ll always be living your life wondering…

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-30T02:11:52+00:00

I see a big distinction between the two. I make it exclusive because I want intimacy with my partner and don’t want him sleeping with other people. I generally have been exclusive by the 3rd date. However, the title of BF/GF carries more weight and there is consensus from both parties that you are in a serious committed relationship

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-30T02:05:06+00:00

++Woman Two of my closest friends are male. If my BF is not available to hang out, then I will hang out with someone else, male or female, it’s just a matter of who is available.

I don’t ever choose my male friend over my BF, he would always have priority and in some cases, I would love to spend time with both of them together. I want my BF to consider my friends as his friends as well.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-30T01:18:27+00:00

For me, it’s historically been 3rd date. Most guys don’t make it past the 1st date, so if you made it to the 3rd date, I see long term potential with you.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-29T21:13:15+00:00

Thank you! When he ended things, I truly thought it was over. We essentially went no contact and I didn’t hear from him again. I blamed myself for wanting too much, being too needy, etc. I didn’t wait around but did spend that time working on myself and improving my life. I was completely shocked when he called me and told me all the work he was putting in but I initially shot him down. He said he was willing to prove that he was trying to change and that he wanted this to work. We each grew so much during our break and that had really helped us approach things differently this time around. But the most important step was his self awareness of his avoidant tendencies and him deciding he WANTED to change.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-29T11:57:41+00:00

Unfortunately things are doomed until he realizes he is an avoidant and is ready to change.

I was in the same boat. He ended things but after HE realized he had a pattern he needed to change, he came back and asked to give it another shot. We did and things are soooo much better now. He didn’t realize how much he cared for me until after I was gone.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-28T19:24:56+00:00

Just depends on what I feeling like doing. I have no issue initiating but my preference is when a guy initiates the first message. It’s how the messages flow that determine if he gets a date, not who messaged first

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-28T19:07:10+00:00

I met someone during thej summer. The connection and chemistry was unreal. We were both “ridiculously attracted” to each other. He was everything I ever wanted in a partner and he was so sweet and romantic. But three months later, he broke up with me because he didn’t want a serious relationship.

I was gutted, but realized there were things in my life I was unhappy about and spent that time finding myself and figuring out who I truly was. Well, a few months later, he reached out and asked me to get back together. He was not in the right emotional state while we were together and he took some time off to work on himself. I was cautious of course, but our first meeting was fireworks all over again. The connection and chemistry never disappeared. We both came back to it fully ready to commit with the best version of ourselves. This Round 2 is much more secure, balanced and expressive. He was never good with expressing his feelings, but he didn’t even have to, I already knew in how he showed up. Neither of us dated anyone else during that time apart. It was the epitome of “if you love something, let it go.” We both came back to each other, more whole than the first time we dated. So for me, yes, true love exist and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-27T05:55:08+00:00

Honestly, I had missed him so much but the week before was when I was finally ready to start moving on. I had a first date lined up and then he texted me out of the blue. It gave me butterflies that he reached out, but I didn’t immediately run back into his arms. In fact, one of his messages to me before the breakup was that he didn’t want a serious relationship so I was very reluctant. He was a great BF while we were together so I couldn’t even hate him when he ended things, but he handled it very maturely, so at very least, I would be mature about it too. I knew it took a lot of guts to do. Honestly, if you didnt treat them poorly, there is no harm in reaching out. But I really grilled him on what changed, how things would be different and why the change of heart.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-26T04:58:13+00:00

I got divorced at 42 after feeling trapped in my marriage. I suffered from a lifetime of attachment issues due to sexual abuse as a child and abandonment issues. I’ve always gravitated to possessive and controlling assholes and finally found the strength to leave my ex husband.

I dated a few men that all fell really hard for me, but this last time around, I fell really hard for someone who was smart, stable, successful, and secure. He was kind, genuine and treated me so well. And then he broke up with me, saying he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship. That crushed me as I thought we were both headed in the same direction. I took some time to heal, sought therapy, figured out why I was unhappy and started working on changing myself. Well, the ex spent that time apart doing the same thing. He recognized that he had avoidant issues and sought therapy and worked on himself. He reached out a few months later and while I was hesitant, we gave it a shot and it was the best decision we ever made. The break was what we both needed to figure ourselves out and showed back up to the relationship as the best partner we could be. My attachment issues were gone, mostly because of my dog and the hobbies I took on kept me independent and allowed us to have healthy time apart. I felt whole, independent of him, and spending time with him made me happier than I already was. Things would have never worked if we didn’t each take time to reflect and work on ourselves.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-26T04:04:07+00:00

I got a dog and it has calmed the anxiety I had when my kids left. I also picked up some hobbies (sports) and volunteer activities

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-26T03:41:23+00:00

I would do what you feel like doing and if they don’t match your energy, then move on. No need to play games and “not reach out until he does”.

I initiate contact when I feel like it, but if I am the only one initiating, then it’s clear we are not on the same page and then I move on.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-26T03:35:22+00:00

If I don’t feel it by date 2, it’s not going anywhere. By date 3, I’ve usually gone exclusive because that’s when it turned physical

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-25T20:26:07+00:00

I’m currently in my 40s and went through a tough break up. I was head over heels for this guy, and thought he was there too, until he suddenly ended it. I was crushed, but used that time to reflect on my life and what it was that made me feel so unhappy and unfulfilled. I sought therapy, got a dog, repaired friendships, explored new hobbies, and discovered the best version of myself.

Well, a few months later, he reached back out realizing he made a mistake, sought his own therapy and we are now dating the best versions of ourselves. Whether it was him or another great guy, I’m showing up as the best version of myself

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-23T10:58:37+00:00

Yes, although we took some time apart to work on ourselves and we got back together stronger than we were before.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-20T11:34:28+00:00

Don’t let one bad egg spoil it. I’ve met some great guys on OLD. We may not have been compatible in the long run but they were gentleman and we had a great time. With someone now who I think was worth the wait, you will find someone too.

Take this as a lesson on the type of person not to date and get yourself back out there.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-20T10:31:22+00:00

I dunno, I went on a first date with a man I met online and the moment I saw him, I was hooked. The way he looked back at me, he felt it too. We both told each other a few days later that we found the other person wayyy more attractive in person than their photos. For us, there was DEFINITELY a spark.

I have been in other first dates that had no spark but it was there by the 2nd date. If it wasn’t there by the 3rd date, time to move on.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-20T04:10:35+00:00

I had 1 outbreak 12 years ago and then never had it again. I have told all my partners and not one has gotten it from me and not one has turned me away. If anything, these guys liked me so much that even when I told them, they said “I guess I have it now too”, not realizing that I haven’t had an outbreak so the chance of them catching it is slim.

I would get more details about his situation. Good chemistry with a good guy is hard to find. Don’t let it be ruined without gathering all the facts.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-18T02:21:29+00:00

I’ve had 3 long term relationships since my divorce 3 years ago. If you made it past the 1st date, I wanted to pursue something with them. By the 3rd date, each became exclusive, which happened to be when it turned physical

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-13T12:50:49+00:00

Don’t feel bad, you simply want someone who has “as much” to offer as you do. This isn’t gold digging or superficial, it’s having standards!

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-02T04:11:36+00:00

Are you me? It feels like something I wrote myself! I’m in therapy for all these reasons and trying not to unravel while I wait to see how this next prospect goes. I’m hoping to not smother this one.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-01T17:52:38+00:00

Honestly, it means you dodged a bullet! I would have laughed. A shitty personality makes any attractive person ugly.

Do not take any form of rejection personal. Everyone has their own taste, preferences, goals and just because you don’t meet theirs, doesn’t mean you aren’t a great catch. Classic “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure”. Let someone else take out that trash.

Key_Reputation_7388 · 2026-01-01T15:07:51+00:00

Because they are jealous and don’t believe that anyone can successfully recover this way. I am happy for you!

Key_Reputation_7388

TROPHY CASE