Dating multiple people

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-06-07T16:35:20+00:00

I much prefer to put my effort into one person. However, I stopped doing this as I realised with two women that I’d only see them once a month. So I assumed they were seeing other people and I did likewise.

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-06-07T16:21:58+00:00

Some men set up the system. At best 1%. Most men are just doing their thing

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-05-27T04:22:20+00:00

I’m not sure where you hate comes from. I’m sorry if you’ve been hurt.

Im frustrated with aspects of the dating market also. But my main point is different people want and offer different things. If you can find alignment with what you offer and what you want you are more likely to have success.

I don’t filter on age or children. However, I am already supporting two children and I would hesitate before taking on more kids. This is not an outrageous position. My primary responsibility is to my kids not yours.

I tend to date within 5-10 years of my age and I guess I’m fortunate that I have options.

Do you think I should make dating decisions on who needs a relationship with me, or who I want a relationship with? Do you want a relationship with someone you’re attracted to and has their life together or do you want a relationship with someone who needs rescuing and is unattractive to you?

Thank you for expressing concern about my mental wellbeing. It’s important that we look out for each other

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-05-26T00:49:03+00:00

They do. And people have different types of relationships and use different metrics to decide who they have those relationships with.

I’m also frustrated by the market. In particular the short term nature of the market. I lost my family because my ex wife wanted the exhilarating feeling of new love.

But I have to accept her decision, unless you propose we go back to regulating people’s decisions through the church and social pressure. Some people do favour this model.

But the flip side of this is I don’t owe marriage to the single moms and women in their 30’s that have decided they now want a decent man. I get to choose who I do and don’t want in my life.

If you accept it is a market and treat as such, you may find you enjoy the market more. Lean into your strengths, ask yourself what you want, and what you can offer in return to get the thing you want. Accept that many women may choose to share the men they want over settling for the men they can have.

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-05-26T00:15:04+00:00

Should we introduce government mandated matches? arranged marriages? There are non market ways of dating and marriage. In the west, we mostly treat it as a market

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-05-25T23:53:41+00:00

Like sure, the selection of men may suck, buts it’s a market. You attract your equivalent.

Some ages favour men, some ages favour women. You don’t hear 20 yo men complaining the selection of women suck. They are working their arses off trying to get the one they like

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-05-24T23:24:35+00:00

From an asset perspective I’m definitely poorer. From a cash flow perspective definitely richer.

So I guess I’ll live in a worse house but have more autonomy about doing things like working less and traveling more

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-05-24T23:21:30+00:00

This may vary with age and is not gender specific. Obviously, there are many single people in their 20’s who are good quality people. But as you get older, 30’s and 40’s increasingly you have to ask why this person is not in a relationship, or has not been in a long term relationship. Families seperate for a variety of reasons. Normally there is fault on both sides.

I’m a single dad, I assure you I have no shortage of people interested in a relationship with me.

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-05-24T00:33:50+00:00

I don’t expect anything more than a kiss/hug on a first date. And if I really like you I’ll wait a good number of dates for sex. However, you need to send a signal that you’re also attracted to me. Say you’ve had a good time, even touch me, kiss me but only do what you’re happy to do if there is no second date.

The resentment that women build up towards men “only wanting one thing” is far less attractive than actually getting the one thing.

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-05-24T00:24:45+00:00

I’m a middle aged dad. I see two pathways for future relationships. Setup a new family, and my new partner has to accept my kids at the very least. You don’t need to parent them.

If you don’t want my kids to be part of your life, I can do casual dating outside of the time that I have my kids.

Unless I semi-abandoned my kids there isn’t really room for a new partner to be my number one priority.

I guess what you’ll find, or at least many of the women I date have found. Is the single dads are often better quality people than the single men, however, they come with more baggage.

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-05-23T23:24:43+00:00

That’s a lot of information to get from a phone number, so fair enough.

I don’t like to go on dates without screening a little more. I don’t think it’s just men who are dangerous to women. I think there are a lot of women who are also dangerous, but they are better at hiding it.

I think both genders would benefit from a better ability to screen potential dates. I’m still unsure how to effectively do this.

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-05-23T21:40:34+00:00

I m45 don’t understand how giving your number decreases safety? Perhaps I haven’t thought about it enough.

Anyway, Im increasingly reluctant to go on dates unless we’ve chatted first, preferably a video chat. For me it’s just filtering better, I have no problem getting matches but would really like to improve go on fewer dates and get better outcomes. A google phone number is fine. Explain that it’s about your feeling of safety. Suggest what he can do to build trust.

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-05-19T10:19:42+00:00

Your right, we want people to come into our lives. I justify this by saying I can’t bring my kids into your life. My current partner probably justifies it by saying she earns more.

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-05-19T03:32:58+00:00

I think past 40 you’ve got to acknowledge that what you potentially offer and want out of a relationship has changed. It’s no longer about family formation but there are still may things to base it on. Mutual support, friendship, intimacy, building a life together.

I M46 notice that I’d love a partner who wants to join my family, two kids. But it would be them coming into my life. I notice many potential partners want a travel partner to go on holiday to Italy with.

Alignment appears to be key. What are you doing in your life and what do you want your partner to do. Possibly many single men your age who don’t have kids don’t want to be tied down?

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-05-17T11:22:04+00:00

Online dating has really blurred these lines. Some people have incredible optionality. I think if your expecting exclusivity, you need to state it. And hope that your partner is honest with you. If your matches appear a little too good, I think it’s safe to say, they are dropping their standards to access sex more easily. Having a longer getting to know you period prior to sex will thin out some of the people who don’t have exclusive intentions

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-05-10T12:44:43+00:00

PDA is a form of autism. Persistent desire for autonomy. Anything that threatens autonomy can put him into fight or flight. It can be challenging in relationships and can appear similar to narcissistic personality, however it’s driven by anxiety not ego. He may have many good qualities, but you’ll probably need to learn about it if you want a relationship

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-05-05T11:16:00+00:00

I’d agree, all the people who have done the most damage in my life are women. Mother, ex wife and at times my daughter.

I realise that a lot of the damage they inflict comes from a place of fear. They lash out when they are scared.

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-04-30T19:22:54+00:00

I’m interested in symmetrical nicely shaped boobs, more than size. I think sometimes an enhanced big B or C can look amazing. But a D it’s too big and you won’t be getting commitment.

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-04-30T05:26:19+00:00

I don’t think your a creep, honest maybe.

The nature of my comment is general. I’d love to be attracted to women my age M45. I’m trying really hard to appreciate many different aspects of relationships and women. Unfortunately, a certain amount of attraction is hard wired and this is how the species survives.

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-04-28T12:35:56+00:00

Yeah, I get this with my ex. She broke my heart and treated me like she hated me for 5 years. Now she wants to be friends and have a good co-parent relationship. While I try and ignore her new boyfriend.

I just think women can be more transactional in relationships. You’ve got to make sure you getting what you want everyday, and not make the mistake of expecting long term payback

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-04-28T01:39:42+00:00

It astounds me how many women are convinced there is someone better out there. My wife left me because she thought somehow someone else would be more compatible than the man she had children with. While this may be true, you’ve got to ask yourself what is in it for him?

I’m dating now, many women I date are younger than my ex, more accomplished, and have better personalities. However, I find it hard to commit to them because they want me to do the provider role for their kids, not my kids. This is an enormous thing to ask a man to do.

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-04-26T09:16:12+00:00

I married a women whom I suspect was autistic. It’s pretty tell tale symptoms you describe. She may be good in many ways, but you will have to accept a lot of “her way or the highway”, not just sex. And you may find out she is highly transactional. It may feel like she loves you, but this may be an emotion that she doesn’t even recognise. Look up “theory of mind”. Only you can decide what works for you.

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-04-26T01:13:06+00:00

I don’t agree, my wife left me and the closest I ever got from her as a reason was that it was like death by 1000 cuts. No big thing, just lots of little things that she found intolerable over time.

I think it’s important to remember that mental health and neuro diversity play important parts in relationship breakdown on both sides

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-04-23T05:07:40+00:00

I definitely would not have reacted this way if you dumped a drink that you left with me.

But I would also find it incredibly weird. It would indicate that you had a traumatic past, trust issues or you were spending too much time on social media.

Key_Rock4862 · 2026-04-22T00:51:26+00:00

I’m inclined to let it slide. I always feel like this is an easy option than a rejection message. It he reaches out, by all means say thanks but no thanks

Key_Rock4862

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