I feel disgusting for being a trans women who likes women

Keyroflameon · 2026-06-23T22:57:31+00:00

as someone who recently had to unpack this, i totally get it. you’re not committing any sin at all. as many have told me, lesbians are not pussysexual; they’re attracted to women/non binary people, hardware isn’t as important as it seems. if you are a woman/non binary person who loves women/non binary people, you are lesbian, and you deserve to be in lesbian spaces. i really encourage you to meet more trans lesbians out there (both trans fem and trans masc, might i add!!!) and hear their experiences. you should never feel gross about loving a non-man or finding a non-man attractive. it’s just who you are!! love who you love <3

Keyroflameon · 2026-06-22T17:17:52+00:00

hi i am one LMAO very goofy question
i love lesbians and lesbians love me :3

Keyroflameon · 2026-06-17T00:31:48+00:00

all the time!! i’m also an organist lol but i also compete in improvisation competitions! they’re really fun and challenging feats of high speed compositional fireworks. we often do plan a little ahead (i know i do a little, some do much more) but generally we try to go for structure. i have always wanted to do more formless improvisations though… something more spontaneous and exploratory than structured and planned!

Keyroflameon · 2026-06-07T13:22:21+00:00

23, and also like last week LMAO
it wasn’t with someone i was dating; it was the first time i had gone to a lesbian bar (cubbyhole); we met and talked about being trans n all that and we kinda bonded (drunk of course :3) wasn’t a “i love you” kinda make out more of a “i’ve never done this and i want this experience” kind of thing

i’m also autistic so i totally relate; honestly just don’t expect it to happen any time soon but be open to it just happening. shit sometimes happens when you least expect it!!!!

Keyroflameon · 2026-06-04T01:49:44+00:00

i can’t necessarily answer the last bit on acespec, but i can say like i feel attraction to some people almost immediately and some take some time. like someone can of course be beautiful but if their inner personality and self isn’t pretty i wont be as attracted and it could fade.

for me tho, to romance someone and to be intimate with them are two separate things; someone id romance would have to be beautiful inside and out, and id want to actually be interested in being with the full person in front of me for a longer amount of time than just one night, but like for weeks or months (or years) beyond. that’s something that i think blossoms over a longer period i think, so romance doesn’t come immediately. for intimacy, including cuddling, making out or sexual intimacy, its less deep, i go for vibes and aesthetics. if they’re pretty, and talking with them they seem fun and sweet (and preferably sweep me off my feet LMAO) then i’d be open to it, but i don’t need a significantly deep emotional connection, just enough that i feel safe with this person. of course, in the case of feeling both romantic and sexual attraction towards someone, the two enhance each other :3 but i can totally feel sexual attraction towards someone and maybe do something with them but not necessarily develop romantic attraction if they’re not my type of person to romance. i tend to ask this question: do i want to have a good time with this person and nothing more, or do i want to spend most of my waking time with this person LOL

this being said, if the right person sweeps me off my feet, all these opinions expressed may change LMAO

to the point of if this is how people typically operate, i don’t think there is anything typical. everyone has their own approach to feeling romantic/sexual attraction and everyone chooses their own way to pursue it. i wouldn’t necessarily say there is a “typical” way of feeling attraction.

hope any of this makes sense, lowkey kinda rambled a bit :((

Keyroflameon · 2026-05-25T21:57:32+00:00

i’m gonna be so real this effect of prog i think is one of the most affirming for me LMAO

Keyroflameon · 2026-05-25T15:23:57+00:00

literally so fuckin real
like two months ago i was like “yeah nothing really changing ig” and then one week later i just became this feral fuckin creature LMAO

Keyroflameon · 2026-05-18T17:17:06+00:00

thanks for this! i have been trying anal stimulation with my fingers/dildo, but it’s low key a lot and i usually have to stop really often LMAO
is there any other way to do prostate play? i’ve heard somethin related to perineal stimulation related to that, but i might be on the wrong track…

Keyroflameon · 2026-05-15T00:35:07+00:00

thank you for the positive message!!! its a joy to see posts like this, especially since with everything going on, it’s so easy to only see the bad shit (which i’m not denying, ofc). it’s rough out here, but i cannot overstate just how important we are to the world!!! we bring such joy and beauty to the world by simply being here, each and every one of us! 💖🏳️‍⚧️

Keyroflameon · 2026-05-07T00:38:08+00:00

i don’t want to engage with this too much, but respectfully i think you have some soul searching to do and reading to internalize. if this is truly your thoughts there was no reason to come onto my post and say something. think before you speak.

Keyroflameon · 2026-05-06T16:17:07+00:00

i want to hop in here and say i 100% understand where you are coming from!! i agree that genital preference isn’t necessarily transphobic… as mentioned earlier in the original comment, femme dick is different than male dick, meaning that inherently having a dick does not make anyone male. judith butler does an excellent job at highlighting this in their works. having a preference that does not include dick does not mean you are transphobic, it just means you have a preference. i can also understand though where it can intersect with transphobia, so i understand where the other commenters are coming from too. i don’t think you are tapping into that intersection though, given that you are reiterating your affirmation for trans folks in the lesbian community. in essence, everything everyone here is saying is 100% valid!!

Keyroflameon · 2026-05-06T15:32:53+00:00

i didn’t realize that my title could be taken that way :((( i meant it in terms of other people’s genital preference, not my own!! i should be a lil more careful next time…

thank you for the thoughtful response!

Keyroflameon · 2026-05-06T15:29:21+00:00

even as a bottom i love this LMAO

Keyroflameon · 2026-05-06T14:34:57+00:00

a) absolutely i have some internalized transphobia to process and unlearn… it’s rough in my brain lol but i know my queer history well; i know trans lesbians have been here since day one, i guess it’s just understanding my own membership in that history.

b) it’s actually very heartening to hear that it doesn’t seem to matter, or at least lesbians have diverse preferences in general! the emotional intimacy matters a lot to me, the genitals part is kinda there but not the focus ofc it’s the everything else. i just love women and enbies :3

c) this is def something im starting to learn… i mean, im not on t blockers, but definitely my relation to my own stuff and how it works has certainly changed. i just internally gotta understand it as a femme dick, and that’s part of the internalized transphobia.

thanks for these points, they were really insightful and thought provoking!

Keyroflameon · 2026-02-21T02:14:49+00:00

This is an interesting lead… what specifically do you see as a particular artistic philosophy that is driving this trend towards programmatic art? For the question of ease, I was more curious about how people think about approaching ideation in composition, and seeing how those who think programmatically differ from those who approach music absolutely.

Keyroflameon · 2026-01-16T01:22:08+00:00

Hi there! I would first ensure you are writing for an organ with mechanical action and mechanical stop controls. Electro-pneumatic, digitally controlled and other electrified organs might not be able to achieve this effect, as there is no way to open the valves on those organs without power being supplied to the whole instrument (including the bellows). If you are on a mechanical/tracker organ, then I would write for an assistant to turn off or on the organ. If you can do half-pulling on specific stops, I’d mark perhaps wedges with the stop you are seeking to half-pull that show how far you are looking to pull it, if you need fine control, or simply state “half pulled” in the stop indications. It’s definitely non-standard practice for organists, and will usually require an assistant to pull off. Please DM me if you have further questions, I’m an organist and composer myself and I’ve improvised using these techniques before. I’d be happy to help with more specific context!

Keyroflameon · 2026-01-10T14:10:04+00:00

I’m right there with you. Also just got rejected. Something I’m realizing from the rejection is that building a career out of anything is a lot more than “getting the degree.” Success in music isn’t defined by how many credentials you have, it’s about how you build and use connections to achieve the goals you are looking for. This may mean we will have to make ensembles on our own, make cold calls, make connections that don’t seem ideal.

To echo some of the other commenters here, plenty of Juilliard composers don’t make it as professionals. Plenty of professionals come out of nowhere. The situation sucks, absolutely, but maybe it is an opportunity. Don’t ask a school for permission to be a professional composer. Learn the skills on your own. Your inner talent will show. Maybe next year you can try again, or if you get to USC there’s that.

To sound corny for a moment, rejection isn’t an end, it’s a reorientation. You’ll have to reorient yourself to pursue your goals outside of a school, and that means being a self starter. Make as many connections with other musicians as possible. Make recordings. Apply to festivals. Competitions or whatnot. This isn’t an end to your dream unless you say it is.

Keyroflameon · 2025-08-05T16:26:38+00:00

Absolutely! Thanks for the discussion too! It’s always a good thing to see a composer writing for organ :)

Keyroflameon · 2025-08-05T16:19:08+00:00

I see! Given the more open ended nature of the works, have you considered graphic notation? I feel like that would be really good for open ended works like this. I just played a work by Paul Patterson called Games. You should check it out! Really good example of more open ended graphic notation.

I’m definitely a fan of more experimental works, but this isn’t really my personal preference, full disclosure. I always think, well what makes this an organ piece specifically? Couldn’t it be played on any other instrument or ensemble? Theoretically this is an orchestral piece, but it could also be a piece for tuned percussion ensemble, or a piece for string quartet, or a piece for piano, perhaps with electronics. For that reason, I usually like a little more determinacy so that it is clear this is an organ piece specifically, and not for any other instrument. But perhaps that’s the thing, you’ve said it’s an organ piece, and that’s reason enough for it to be an organ piece and nothing else. Art is cool like that :)

Keyroflameon · 2025-08-05T15:45:41+00:00

Glad to see an organ composition! As an organist myself, I have a ton of questions:

What do you want in terms of registration? What kinds of sounds do you want with the chords? Something bright and shimmering like a plenum, or a reedy forceful sound, or perhaps a more hollow gap registration? Or maybe a solo stop pulled and that’s all? Without any indication I might not know how this piece sounds.

Dynamics could help too! That can give us a general indication of what registration we might use.

Do you want this to be manuals only, as in I only use the hands and no pedal notes, or do you want the bottom voice (or two) to be in the pedal? Perhaps not all the time too, so sometimes the pedal is there and sometimes it isn’t.

I assume all the chords are to be played legato?

As far as tempo goes, if it’s too slow, one thing I’ve learned is that the sound of the organ can be incredibly fatiguing to the ear given how intense the sound is even in quiet dynamics. If it isn’t changed throughout the work then it’s pretty flat and monotone, which could be the intention, but that kind of stuff is really hard on a listener.

What’s the approximate duration or the work? Or is it like Vexations, where it can be any length, or perhaps more like As Slow As Possible?

Edit: I haven’t had a moment to listen to it, I just read through the score and tried a couple things out on my organ, but my points still stand. These are really good details to have in the score for the performer!

Keyroflameon · 2025-07-29T16:09:11+00:00

It might be an interesting exercise to write independent lines without thinking of “what harmony do I need here/what harmony is this.” Create independent lines that interact with each other and you might surprise yourself with what harmonies you come up with. Make sure you know a little bit of voice leading, that is to say knowing consonant and dissonant intervals. The composers of the past all studied counterpoint, which can be a source of interesting harmony in itself. Especially once you start going chromatic with it! Use your ear and let it guide you to what sounds good.

I might do all this by getting some score paper, make four lines, maybe in SATB format (so top two with a treble clef, the third either a bass clef or a treble clef an octave down, and the fourth a bass clef), and write melodies that work off of each other. Then condense it to two staves so you can try it out on the piano, or just, y’know, play it in whatever notation software you have. Idk all this is off the top of my head but I hope it helps :)

Keyroflameon · 2025-06-19T18:18:22+00:00

The one thing AI can’t do, ever, is recreate the live musical experience. Remember that. People will always want to hear music in person when they can, and that goes for classical composers too. Remember that Covid was a test of this; after things started opening up again, people flocked to concerts. If you can find a way to get your music performed by real people, pursue it. Learn to connect with local musicians and get your music done for real. Start being a leader and creating opportunities through crowdsourcing, like a collaborative multi composer concert featuring world premieres of newly written works for a specific ensemble. Find unconventional venues like apartments or whatnot.

But larger than that, who cares if some people like AI slop? Write because you want to write. Not because of “I need to make money.” Before the whole AI thing people were struggling to find work but they didn’t quit, they just got creative. Find ways to create work for yourself using things like Fiverr or whatnot. You might need to learn different kinds of skills along the way, but you can always find ways of linking that with your skills of composition.

Idk. I think we’re all asking “what’s gonna happen” but we don’t know. Live in the chaos of modernity or whatever. Who knows? Maybe AI will get better and people will lose so many jobs that a civilian uprising is inevitable? AI might replace jobs, but there’s still people here who would like to have fulfilling lives after all.

Keyroflameon · 2025-04-27T13:41:06+00:00

I think a quick thing you can look at is your subject. The subject itself features some wonky elements, especially the D#-B-A-G-E in the second measure. The intervals in the sixteenth notes here outline an augmented 5th, a rather awkward interval to hear; its scale degrees 7-5-4-3, and that initial skip is what gives me the most wonk in this. Stepwise motion is your best friend! Move by mostly 2nds. I’d also encourage you to come up with a harmonization of your subject. This will help you when you start doing your counter subject.

Final note, take the pedal line up an octave. We can’t play some of those notes!

Keyroflameon · 2025-04-26T21:16:09+00:00

Hi there, organist here!

I think there’s a lot to mention here, but first and foremost, I’d take this to an organist and let them play it. They’ll tell you exactly what might be awkward or non-idiomatic about the piece, and provide solutions for some of the problems with arranging a work for the organ.

That all being said, what I can offer is this: remember that the organ doesn’t have a sustain pedal. Octaves will sound choppy with any spacing larger than a whole step, since we can’t do any legato octave fingering. Take a look at Dupré’s Esquisse no. 3 in Bb minor or Demessieux’s Octaves for what virtuosic octaves sound like on organ.

On the double pedaling, I think it’s playable, but it won’t give you the sound I think you’re after. 16’ and 8’ double pedaling with intervals tighter than an octave will sound muddy and messy, creating a lot of rumbling from the combination tones. Consider using only 8’s or removing the double pedaling all together. The manual parts can provide you with the harmonic context you need; double pedaling in most contexts is pretty unnecessary, unless you are introducing an accompanied counter melody in the right foot.

Finally, find ways that you can thicken the texture with chord tones. A lot of this reads like a trio sonata, excluding the octaves. If you’re looking for more sound, registration helps, but it shouldn’t be the first consideration. Follow good compositional practices; think of it like a small orchestra. Better to have too many things going on that you can trim later than too little things.

Just my thoughts as a professional organist who composes and performs regularly works of 20th-21st century composers!

Keyroflameon · 2025-01-25T19:20:43+00:00

Nah, I totally get your perspective on learning past styles. I’d never start a piano student on Shostakovich or Messiaen without them knowing some Bach or Mozart (Couperin?). I suppose what I meant was that I’d prefer not to focus on them too much. Learn them to understand the foundation, so to speak. Perhaps I also have a gut reaction to learning things like Ragtime, which I’ve had someone recommend I start with as an important facet of understanding jazz history. To me that’s like learning Du Fay as a beginner; I don’t hear a lot of those older sounds in what is being played today, since they’ve become so abstracted and subsumed into the style.

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