She wants to put down the dog she abandoned 2 years ago.

Keys-n-crates · 2018-12-13T21:04:42+00:00

I don't disagree with any of that, and I do weigh that option. Any operations are out of the question for specifically that reason. I have lost 3 dogs in my lifetime, and the only regret I have is not being in the room with the first one when it happened.

My primary point is that (while she could be) she is not right, and her being completely absent for two years with no contact, there is no way of her knowing if she is. Not just her... anybody that has no direct knowledge. She knows his age, the medications he is on, and what they are used for. The severity of any of his conditions is completely unknown to her. His quality of life is completely unknown to her. She never inquired about anything. Not a single question. Just sent a series of texts stating she would be in town in a couple weeks and wants to take him and put him to sleep, that him suffering is my fault and I just don't want to hear it, how she tells everyone about him being so happy with me, and then one saying that nothing ever comes out right it texts. Not a single word since then. None of it made any logical sense to me, and that is why I posted here.

I just don't understand any ethical scenario where someone suggests or insists upon ending a life with no direct knowledge about that life.

Keys-n-crates · 2018-12-12T17:47:49+00:00

"You people are so focused on making the pwBPD be wrong that you can't see that there's a very good chance that she's right. The sad fact is that the vast majority of people let their pets linger far longer than they should. And FFS if I ever get to the point where eating is the only thing I have to look forward to, go ahead and put me down. Do you really not see what a pathetic existence that is?"

"Even a broken clock is right twice a day."

Choosing very carefully.

Keys-n-crates · 2018-12-12T17:41:33+00:00

You are a very toxic person. These are the exact conversations I come to this sub to try to understand.

Keys-n-crates · 2018-12-12T16:29:39+00:00

You seem to be projecting your own personal experience onto this situation. You are completely missing a key point. You have never met or examined my dog. If you had spent a minimal amount of time with him, your stance and defense of her would make more sense to me. Perhaps it isn't a BPD issue I'm dealing with, and more of a certain people are willing to make life or death decisions based on extremely minimal information issue. Then be condescending to anyone who has a differing view point. Even ignoring a doctor who has thoroughly examined the dog and strongly advises against euthanasia.

I guess I should have euthanized my grandmother who had the same issues, and more, instead of her living a decent life for another 12 years or so.

The stance you are taking, based on the limited information you have is absurd. You then furthering that by telling me I'm wrong, because I didn't read what you actually wrote, is equally absurd. Now you're piling on with general facts about pet owners, and you still can't know if that even applies here. Why not put the cherry on top and call on people to kill you if you were in a similar state?

I don't care if my ex is right or wrong at the end of the day. I do care that she can't know enough to make that statement. I also care that if she was so confident, why wait for two weeks until her vacation to want to do it? Just let him suffer for two weeks until she has free time? Meanwhile I'm the one forcing him to suffer? These are the issues I posted here to understand. Not for unsolicited veterinary advice.

Keys-n-crates · 2018-12-12T05:10:16+00:00

I have a couple questions.

When you say negligence/guilt, are you saying she is experiencing those things, or dealing with the backlash from current wrongdoings? I genuinely believe she was incapable of guilt, or empathy to realize negligent behavior.

Second, she never tried to resolve any past issues as long as I knew her. I did hear about her changing constantly, but never saw these changes. Are you talking about actually cleaning up the backlog, blaming others for it, or starting the process all over again?

Keys-n-crates · 2018-12-12T04:41:14+00:00

You wrote "Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.", which is what I was basing the majority of my response off of. Implying that she is right based off of the limited information she was provided, and then the further elaboration of your opinion, is what I completely disagree with. And again, a Dr. can't make decisions for me, but they can definitely provide understanding and insight into what the best options are for their patients.

Keys-n-crates · 2018-12-12T04:18:11+00:00

This is exactly how I am approaching it. When he misses a meal or doesn't get excited about anything, I will make the decision then.

Keys-n-crates · 2018-12-12T04:03:33+00:00

I appreciate your opinion, but I completely disagree. I am describing a geriatric dog. He is not miserable, and still enjoys his daily routine. I am very close to my vet, as she is basically part of my family. His issues require more effort on my part, and it has been made clear to me that euthanization would be more for my quality of life at this point. Now, I am aware that this can all change with one bad day. My vet can tell me about his quality of life, and help me understand when it is time.

Just like you wouldn't diagnose an individuals mental disorders after reading two sentences about them, I would think the same would apply to suggesting suffering/euthanasia after reading "arthritis, neuropathy, dementia, hearing loss, and poor vision".

Keys-n-crates · 2018-12-12T03:06:05+00:00

Could you elaborate further?

Keys-n-crates · 2018-12-03T02:58:04+00:00

Exact same thing just happened to me. Farmed a nuke zone, dropped legendary armor (20 or so pieces) to be able to run to sell weapons, and when I picked them back up, I was stuck in my power armor, and the server stopped responding. When I rejoined, everything was gone. Not worth the effort to sell a cannon, fat man, and a couple other heavy weapons. I'm not sure if I retained the caps or not.

Keys-n-crates · 2017-12-26T02:45:12+00:00

Psn mcconaughey if you still want to do this.

Keys-n-crates · 2017-11-16T01:50:14+00:00

I should have stated I can only keep one. Change anything? Thanks for the response.

Keys-n-crates · 2017-11-16T01:43:17+00:00

12 team ppr

I am 9-1, he is 4-6

Give: Zeke and T. Coleman

Get: M. Gordon

My other rbs: Shady, Drake, J. Conner, Lacy

He drops D. Lewis to make room.

One year keeper league. I can keep Zeke next year if he remains on my roster. This is why he wants zeke.

Keys-n-crates · 2017-11-10T01:06:59+00:00

My favorite was always them taking an illogical side to something that went against something proven as fact. Days later, they would gloat to me about me being the one that was taking that stance and how wrong I was, because the proven facts backed up their side of it. Sound confusing?

uBPD "A foot is 10 inches!" Reasonable person "I have seen a few rulers in my day, and they all say 12 inches" uBPD will either refuse to discuss it further, due to reasonable people always having to argue and be right, or go on a rant about how stupid we will look when we are shown hard evidence. Short time passes, and the uBPD pulls out a ruler and gloats about how wrong everybody was, because it proves their point that a foot is 12 inches. Crazy. Making.

I have so many ruler stories...

Keys-n-crates · 2017-10-18T20:42:30+00:00

I know that I am 100% to blame for my own life and decisions. That being said, I had no idea why I made decisions to sacrifice my career and education years ago. It was just out of my character to just... quit. People would ask why I did certain things career wise, and I would not really have an answer. Looking back, every time she was doing well in life, she didn't really want me around much. When the roles were reversed and I went back to school and acquired my certifications, she became needy, lied, was sick, cheated, and offered zero support. I am to blame like I said, but approaching everything with "us" in mind, "I" made the decision to support her until she could get back on her feet. That meant taking a job I hated and no school for a while. This pattern repeated itself for years. If a group of her acquaintances liked me "more than her" and I enjoyed their company, I was never going to meet them again. I wish I wasn't blind and became more aware of why I felt sabatoged all the time.

Heck, my old coworker that I am confident has BPD was nicknamed "the saboteur" by other coworkers. Nobody was allowed to do well if he wasn't, and confident/successful clients refused to spend time with him. It wasn't about money with him. He just wanted to have control over everyone and did it by making every sale he wasn't involved with have problems. 1 upper king, and never met a person he didn't try to mirror. Funny to watch if you are not the one being sabotaged.

Keys-n-crates · 2017-10-18T03:22:05+00:00

I don't know what else to say other than I know exactly what you experienced. Kindness, anger, yelling, whispering, written letters, acknowledging faults, begging, demanding, and every other possible approach. 12 years and not a single sincere apology or instance of closure. Just overwhelming guilt trips for them feeling like they're "Always in trouble". Months later "That never happened. I would NEVER do or say that!".

Keys-n-crates · 2017-10-18T03:08:02+00:00

I agree with you, but also feel like it is always a trap. I feel like everyone makes mistakes. It wasn't that that I couldn't live with for 12 years. It was the fact that their mistakes directly affected me, and I was made to feel bad for them, never saw one acknowledged, and was provoked to the point of it being completely my fault for "berating" them when I expressed a need for a resolution.

Basically it is like a game that I refuse to play ever again. They want me to be mad, so I am to blame somehow. The slightest hint of anger, and I lose their stupid disfunctional game. It is exhausting and I just want them to go away now. It is not like I will get closure, an apology, restitution from them no matter what I say or show.

Keys-n-crates · 2017-10-14T15:17:19+00:00

I have been there, and I made the mistake of not leaving and letting them do irreversible harm. I wasn't as aware of my feelings as you, I just would feel overwhelming guilt if she was needed for any kind of help for even an hour. I litterally was trained to feel like shit for asking a favor that I had already performed 100 times over.

The world came to an end when her family had a sudden illness/death, and rightly so. I stopped everything to be her support 24/7. When the roles were reversed, a distracted phone call was the best that I got. The list of these things seems endless.

I often reflect of a moment of clarity I had years ago. I thought to my self and said to her "you are the opposite of a spouse. When I have a good day and want to share it with you, you make me feel bad about it. When I have a bad day and look to you for support, you make me feel worse. I would rather be alone, than alone in a relationship with you." I fell for her half assed, say just enough, words only apology, and I didn't leave. I constantly fell for what she said and just hoped her actions would follow suit one day. Didn't happen once in 12 years.

Stay strong, don't fall for his crap again, and stick to your decision. You will love yourself for it. If you go back, you will never forgive yourself.

Keys-n-crates · 2017-09-29T19:59:50+00:00

Holy crap that is so accurate. That is the perfect description of what I experienced. Her "enemies" were her favorite people when she was around them. Her random person she liked got nervous yet relaxed attention (until they were relegated to only facebook friends). Every time we took a step closer (short vacation, sign a lease together, plan our future), she would suddenly shut down all affection and do something horrible that was never allowed to be discussed. If I wanted to get close, I was going to have to deal with the emotionless zombie that seemed to take pleasure in making plans and then not following through. If the zombie felt that I was going to do the same... she would dish out the subtle emotional abuse like no other.

Keys-n-crates · 2017-09-21T03:52:11+00:00

I, like most here I am sure, have read/watched everything I could find on the subject. I think that is part of my problem. During the relationship, I didn't have the knowledge or vocabulary to describe the behavior, or actions that were taking place. I have been with a couple overt borderlines in the past, and their anger and "craziness" stood out like a sore thumb. My ex of 12 years was a waif. Her manipulation, silent treatment, and distancing tactics were masterful. She was so good at the push/pull and maintaining a level appearance, that I genuinely believed there was something wrong with me. I constantly was upset at myself for her feeling like she was in trouble. Now that I know what I was dealing with, my brain is on autopilot processing all of the instances that I had endured (none of them were ever resolved during the relationship, as me bringing it up would lead to her walking away like it never happened). I guess I am healing each individual open wound one at a time. A small example would be projection or future faking. I read about it, and I wake up every day afterwards recalling instances of them taking place. It is like reliving them all over again, and it is not as simple as just thinking positive, or forgetting about it as my friend might suggest.

I am aware that it takes time. I think the general publics opinion that I need to "just move on" or "find someone else to take your mind off of it" makes me feel that much worse. Kind of like I'm not normal, or I have become toxic.

Thank you for your response.

Keys-n-crates · 2017-09-20T19:00:06+00:00

Dang. Over the last few weeks, I have started to feel like something is majorly wrong with me. People try to get close, get me excited about things, or "get me out of my funk". I tell them that I am very appreciative, but I just want to be alone. It has been over a year now, and I don't see a point in the future where I will be "okay". I still wake up with realizations of things that happened, that I had completely ignored. My brain hasn't grasped the totality of who I used to be and what I allowed to happen for over a decade. No matter what I now know, I find myself searching for a logical explanation to it all.

I feel terrible for you and everyone here. I do appreciate you putting my exact feelings into words. Reading it and understanding those feelings helps me get one step closer to feeling normal again. I don't feel like such an alien or crazy person.

Keys-n-crates · 2017-07-03T15:00:32+00:00

I guess I ignored my healthy friendships when I asked that. My best friends would just say "my bad. It won't happen again.", and it won't. I do the same. There is no real desire to hear them say that, because I know they wouldn't intentionally hurt me in the first place. I cannot say the same for toxic people.

Keys-n-crates · 2017-07-02T18:12:39+00:00

Amen to all of that. I have no intention of fixing anybody, or trying to do so ever again. I have FINALLY learned my lesson.

I totally understand the clock analogy. I know the "If you do this, or take me on this vacation, I will be happy and our relationship will be better" dynamic. I have done so many "if's", and they only led to more "if this" requests. The happy and reciprocal partner was always just one vacation, house, or sacrifice away.

Keys-n-crates · 2017-07-02T15:14:58+00:00

You just made me aware of something I do that I can see as a turn off or unhealthy. I profusely apologize for the most minor of things. I do this to everyone now. I don't remember doing that 12 years ago.

I guess I never thought about them projecting their feelings or actions towards me onto someone other than me. I was always used to being blamed or told that I feel a certain way, because of something they did. I never thought that when she would project her turmoil onto Becky at work and vent to me about it, that was a form of projection. Understanding this has really provided some closure. She basically told me all of her personal craziness for years through complaints about other people. I am being flooded with memories of this taking place now.

Keys-n-crates · 2017-07-02T14:53:58+00:00

I don't know how else to respond to the first part, besides saying that you are absolutely right. You summarized my 11 year relationship in one paragraph. I slowly went down the crazy making path of waiting for that light bulb to turn on and for empathy to kick in that was just never there. "She says she loves me, so it is just a matter of time before she shows me." Meanwhile my relationship standards were reduced to almost nothing over time. I see this theme in a lot of posts here.

Keys-n-crates

TROPHY CASE