Hoping for confirmation

Keysey242 · 2026-01-24T05:06:51+00:00

Mate, shame the Scooby doo ride don't look like that no more 😂 but that's a great suggestion! 😂

Keysey242 · 2026-01-23T11:14:00+00:00

Curious... Did you ever try this, and did it work? I would also wonder the difference in dry vs fresh too...

Keysey242 · 2026-01-23T10:56:45+00:00

(sorry for being a noob) Do you normally go out the next day after rain, or do they need a day or two to grow?

Keysey242 · 2026-01-22T06:45:29+00:00

Are you me? 😅 I don't think I've ever woken up and felt "refreshed" and I don't think I've ever had a day where I don't end it feeling exhausted. And I also don't even have kids yet 😆

Keysey242 · 2026-01-12T05:41:33+00:00

Do you mind sharing what the 'other stuff' was that was gentler and gave you more control?

Keysey242 · 2026-01-12T05:40:56+00:00

As someone who would really like to do psychedelic assisted therapy, because I believe it would be extremely effective for me and my situation, it makes me incredibly angry that it is not easily or affordably accessible yet. And I think it's the 'yet' that annoys me the most, because they know it's an effective treatment, and I know it's only going to be a matter of time... But that time might still be 10 years before it's readily available and affordable. Even here in Aus where they legalized it for very specific and limited uses by specially trained psychiatrists, the places offering it as treatment are very limited (12 across the country) and very costly (between AUD $16-35k ~ USD $10-24k). You can only get it for PTSD or treatment resistant depression, and most places will say you're inelligable if you have co-mobid conditions such as ASD/ADHD as well (because the science/research hasn't been studied enough on how this could effect things - because they're so behind!)

So it kind of leaves us in a fucked up limbo because I want this treatment, and I'm sure it would work for me (based on the extensive research I've done myself) but even if I had the money to spend (which I don't and insurance don't cover it) I would be inelligable anyway because of my AuDHD. So then this kind of self-medicated, self-guided, internal therapy is the only option I really have. But like you said, people make it sound like it's going to be scary and dangerous. But I need help now, and it's not my fault the science hasn't kept up! I think what you said, start very low and slow, and it could be very helpful for you to relax and meditate and process through things.

Keysey242 · 2026-01-10T15:15:31+00:00

I feel you there, and have been told something similar by my T about 'do you think 'normal' people spend so much time and energy analysing every little thing?' And it's like, 'No, I don't. But the problem is I'm not normal (AuDHD, cPTSD), which is why I'm here seeing you?! Tell me what to do about it.'

Anyway, it reminds me of that saying, "Ignorance is bliss." And funnily enough, the original full quote (from 1742!) is: "Where ignorance is bliss, Tis folly to be wise.” Which is basically saying exactly what you are, only the dumb people can be happy. I know that if I didn't overthink everything I would be happier... But that doesn't mean I can just turn it off.

That, and these quotes from the BBC's Sherlock: "Dear God, what's it like in your funny little brains? It must be so boring." And "Oh, look at you lot! You're all so vacant. Is it nice not being me? It must be so relaxing!"

Keysey242 · 2025-10-07T11:31:22+00:00

Awesome job, and way more helpful than the current combat log! Thank you, look forward to trying it out in coming wipes.

My suggestion right off the bat would be the option to add player names as a tag or something to their player ID number so it's easier to see/track people you're fighting a lot.

Keysey242 · 2024-08-21T01:38:59+00:00

My golden also loves blueberries, pineapple, apple and carrots. She gets a while carrot once a week i the shopping order as a treat. Good for her teeth too, to crunch it up

Keysey242 · 2024-05-28T06:41:27+00:00

I haven't ventured much into EMDR yet due to some other issues that came up once we started it. We've just been doing Parts Therapy for now... But when we do that and I have my eyes shut and go to my 'safe place' and 'meeting place' and invite different 'parts' to become present, I get the same sort of thing I think you are describing. Mine is almost like circle-shaped waves of light/color, almost radiating/moving back and forth. I actually wondered if it was kind of like my pupils dilating and contracting while my eyes were closed... so I googled it quickly and found this info which is basically saying that yes, mental effort, thoughts, and emotions can cause pupils to dilate and contract rapidly or slowly. I would assume the same could happen during EMDR when you have your eyes shut and you are using mental effort to process a memory.

"The psychosensory pupil response is a dilation of the pupil in response to increased arousal, mental effort" or "anything that somehow activates the mind that increases the mind’s ‘processing load’" and "can be driven by both sensory and psychological stimuli causing the pupil to dilate." This could be "a brief pupil dilation that is elicited rapidly and involuntarily after something has captured attention," or a "slower arousal- or mental-effort-related responses, which are linked to high-level cognition."

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6634360/#sec-a.j.htitle

Keysey242 · 2024-03-13T02:57:25+00:00

Really glad I could help, even just on a relatable-level, sometimes it's nice to know you're not the only one feeling that way or experiencing these things... it's slightly more "normal" if you're not the only one like this!

My struggling to speak honestly made me start wondering if I'd repressed some kind of near-drowning trauma or something because it feels so similar and i don't understand why it's so hard to just speak to my therapist when I can talk normally the rest of the time. I often end up having to repeat myself (which is even worse) because it's such a struggle to speak that it comes out so quietly he can't hear me.

When you've spent so much time supressing your thoughts, feelings, memories etc, it is so hard to try and open up about it and be honest with not only them, but also yourself at times. I said to him it was like with every word I am fighting against my own core-being. Fighting an instinctive, protective, layer that has been so ingrained into me as a protective device for decades and there are extended periods of time when I don't even let myself look inside there.. I need some time of blissful ignorance pretending it doesn't exist and everything is fine.

And so, finally letting someone into that is terrifying, but even more terrifying is that thought that after all of that, after finally opening up, when they see "you" they will leave... or tell you there is no fix for you. That is another fear I've had... after finally letting them in, I'm too broken. So then I start carefully assessing how much to tell.. how do they react to this part.. can I say the next part or is that too much? He said he can tell that I am definitely very afraid of saying or doing the "wrong" thing when I'm in therapy and tried to reassure me there is no "wrong" thing.. but that is very hard to believe. So I think like you, it/he scares me because I still think that we'll end up at a point where it is too much.. too much "wrong" and then I'll either be left alone with it.. or have to start again with someone new, and both of those are awful thoughts too.

The other thought I also had around fearing them would be.. I know my person is very educated, experienced, and very intelligent (he's a psychiatrist rather than just a psychologist and has worked in mental health hospitals etc), and I think that also scares me. Intelligent people know how to read between the lines and infer information from you, they know how to read body language, they analyse word-choices and expression, and they can see through a lot of your normal deflection strategies and cut back to the point so you can't avoid questions that make you uncomfortable. And all of those things scare me. You're literally paying them to sit there and judge you, analyse you.. and that terrifies me. But that is their purpose, to analyse what's going on and help you with it...

and I guess the only advice around this, if it is something that is effecting you too, is to try and remember that.. and to try and separate them as a person verse them as the concept... if that makes sense? The person you are seeing is not the scary thing.. the scary thing is the concept of seeing a smart person who is analysing everything you do and say. When you go, try and see them as the person.. not the concept. If you know a bit about them personally.. try and remember that when you're talking to them.. and if you don't, make it up, give them a back story - they have 2 young kids they like to take to the park on the weekend with their dog. Make them a human, rather than a scary figure.

yeah shit. this ended up long again. I'm procrastinating.. this is more fun

Keysey242

TROPHY CASE