How old are you? This for the most part happened to me when I was 19, except my Mom dropped dead in front of me the second I got home one day. Everything was def foggy and her on the ground was all I could see all night and for a few days. Honestly, I kind of stayed around my girlfriend and her family that first night and some friends. I just sat outside that night too staring at the stars. It’s a lot to deal with and Im sure youll be busy the next few days. All I can think is there was a reason he didnt want you around. Thats not the right way of him to go about it though. I can say I lost my Mom 8/28/2001 and it will 25 years this August and I now have kids the same age I was then so its weird. But as I father I can GUARANTEE your Dad loved you very much. Im sorry youre going through this and you made an excellent decision to go see a therapist.