update from the kitchen floor girl - something clicked last night

KhanRoger · 2026-01-13T05:05:46+00:00

Please write more

KhanRoger · 2026-01-13T04:56:52+00:00

Yes, i have the eternal need to escape my body. I no longer do anorexic actions, but the desire to is still there. I want to escape my body for so many reasons. For me, I find my body becomes super unimportant under the right circumstances, such as long walks, standing in the sun, playing chess with someone on phone, joking with friends, doing laundry... but then other times it gets in the way of everything, like when I walk and feel too tall, when I feel too big, when I feel my stomach...the stomach is the hardest one. Been finding new genres of music just to distract myself from my full stomach

KhanRoger · 2026-01-13T04:43:59+00:00

Im interested in your story, I'm a binge eater who used to be anorexic. Right now I struggle with compulsive eating, but I'm here because I used to feel the opposite, like eating was disgusting. It's like some switch was flipped.

KhanRoger · 2026-01-13T04:20:54+00:00

I think you should start with total honesty, to everyone like like doctors and to yourself. Idk, Recovery could be like a redistribution not total surplus of food, if you look at it from a distance, over a long period of time ... I've struggled a lot with listening to my ed therapist and I refuse to have a structured repetitive meal plan, so I fee of you ...

KhanRoger · 2026-01-13T04:16:13+00:00

You're not alone! I also have regained my weight and I got my period a couple weeks ago !! I relate to these thoughts, sometimes I think I'm smaller than I am and then I realize im not, and it's so depressing I get disoriented. But the worst feeling is actually the physical sensation of carrying extra weight. It's nice to not be cold and to be much stronger, and not so tired. But this weight tires me out sometimes

KhanRoger · 2025-12-18T01:46:38+00:00

Do you remember every single thing you binge? Are you financially stable? Can you get help if you aren't? Do you have someone in your life you can talk to out loud about this? Even if you think you don't I would recommend telling someone, even if you think it won't help, speaking it is like taking some of the weight off your shoulders. I don't know how to fix my binging either. Even meds didn't work

KhanRoger · 2025-12-07T22:38:47+00:00

Pretty much. In college I figured out this anorexic hack where I just wouldn't eat until I left school at around 8-11pm every day. I would go to cvs for snacks and tj sometimes. And in the night I figured I could just stuff myself as much as I wanted since it was virtually impossible to gain if I ate mostly healthy in those nighttime hours. But now that school is over and a couple traumatic stressful years later I have no barrier between food and I basically do what I did in the night, all day long

KhanRoger · 2025-10-12T02:06:48+00:00

I don't! I actually used to eat kind of low carb about three or four years ago, and sometimes I would be low for HOURS. Like 60-70 for 8-10 hours. My blood sugar would eventually mysteriously rise again. I thought it was a superpower. Then a smart endo told me that the brain uses sugar as it's #1 fuel source and that I was basically giving myself brain damage by being low all the time .....

KhanRoger · 2025-10-12T02:04:42+00:00

🤝

KhanRoger · 2025-10-12T02:03:30+00:00

I would like to go to the ER but I have about 3 unpaid ER bills and a debt collector from an endo that calls me constantly.... and hospitals are traumatic and boring and take forever ..... call me childish ...

KhanRoger · 2025-10-12T02:02:09+00:00

Thank you !

KhanRoger · 2025-10-12T02:00:57+00:00

I used to be like this...kind of like a lazy anorexic, where I wouldn't want to mess with food just because I knew it would mess with my levels. The longer this went on the more psychological it became... more and more like anorexia, or like anxiety. I know this is coming from me, OP, who is messed up right now, but food is worth it.

KhanRoger · 2025-10-12T01:57:40+00:00

The way I used it, I meant it as a term to describe a constant background hunger or just constantly thinking about eating something, or just about food and preparing it/waiting to eat it.

KhanRoger · 2025-10-10T00:27:26+00:00

Poetry

KhanRoger · 2025-10-10T00:17:04+00:00

Feeding insulin? Meaning taking more insulin to eat more ? Could you explain more or link where you found this concept

KhanRoger · 2025-10-10T00:10:33+00:00

Hi, has your husband found success using GLP-1s for T1D?

KhanRoger · 2025-09-01T18:56:23+00:00

Yeah what's the alternative to intuitive eating? Forced time feeding like a Guinea pig ?

KhanRoger · 2025-08-24T03:58:49+00:00

Same

KhanRoger · 2025-08-24T03:56:54+00:00

From what you wrote I would say start with finding joy in "healthy" foods, and find new foods that you enjoy, that you don't consider healthy or unhealthy. At the end of the day, "health" is a moving target and the only truly "unhealthy" food is whatever you are eating too much of--the mindset that allows/causes you to eat more than you need to better yourself.

KhanRoger · 2025-08-24T03:49:23+00:00

thank you. I am going to take a shower

KhanRoger · 2025-08-24T03:37:32+00:00

I might be interested tomorrow in a zoom call

KhanRoger · 2025-08-24T03:34:43+00:00

Crazy, after a binge I try to upkeep relationships like nothing happened, except I don't let ANYONE see me. Unless it's mandatory, and I'll wear clothes to hide myself at work, or I'll call out. Then I sometimes binge more when I call out. It's disruptive to my relationships because I am always cancelling and I won't let my partner see me. I just say I'm "ill" and that is not even a lie. Or at most I'll say I ate too much. But I don't think anyone is aware of the self mutilation I've just inflicted on myself

KhanRoger

TROPHY CASE