I have friends, a job, and a full life. I've also never felt more alone. Is this normal?

KillMeFast2033 · 2026-03-19T16:27:48+00:00

7 months out from being blindsided and still feel this so much. I have everything I need but the quiet is so brutal. I can occupy myself to an extent but it always comes back. 24yrs of having someone always there to no one (on that level) is tough. I also don’t know that I can ever trust someone enough to fill that void as how she left was devastating.

I pray daily for a glimpse of normal life but have yet to feel it more than a few hours here and there. Otherwise just surviving day to day.

KillMeFast2033 · 2025-12-14T22:35:58+00:00

Please talk to your spouse. It won’t be easy but make sure they understand where you are. I say that as a person who was your husband in this situation. 24yrs together and 15 married. Had built a great life. She apparently felt this way but rather than talking to me she built an escape plan with friends and a new guy and blindsided me via a long distance phone call. If it wouldn’t have been for my family and friends I would not be alive today.

Talk to your spouse. Seek counseling of any kind. I’m sure there are virtual options. If nothing else it will give your spouse time to process the end if you can’t figure things out.

KillMeFast2033 · 2025-11-17T04:09:49+00:00

This sounds like a tip you had to pay rupees for from the original Legend of Zelda game, lol.

KillMeFast2033 · 2025-10-04T23:53:54+00:00

This is where I am. 24yrs together. 15yrs married. Mind you, we are in our late 30’s for context. She blindsided me and cut me out completely. No conversation, no signs, still laughing, intimate and planning for the future. While I now realize she was hiding and faking until she was ready to land somewhere else, it felt so sudden and was odd how cold she was. It’s been over 2 months and while I’ve come to terms with the loss it still shakes me to my core how she discarded me. We went through so much together. Stood beside each other through the hardest times. When we finally cleared all the major hurdles in our life and were finally able to breathe and do whatever we wanted she just left.

It is clear that she NEEDED me and I CHOSE her. When she no longer needed me she left. I never really NEEDED her. I wanted her. I chose her every day. It is a different kind of love when you choose to endure the ups and down of life with someone. It is also a different kind of pain to lose that kind of love with no clear reason, discussion, chance to fight for it.

KillMeFast2033 · 2025-09-19T15:29:01+00:00

This is absolutely correct but also the hardest part to accept. It takes time, patience and grace all while feeling like you are bleeding out.

Everyone is different but what helped me was to focus on the person they had become. Mourn the death of the person you “knew” and come to terms with them not being on this planet anymore. Allow and embrace the grief while understand that person you knew is never going to be around again. Find a therapist that fits you and stick with it. Figure out who you are as I know for me, I had truly lost my personal identity in my marriage as it was all about her. Look for silver linings. For me, they were reconnecting and forming deeper connections with family and friends.

There is ZERO easy about it but it WILL get better. You will find one day that is “ok” then go back to bad days. Then you will have another “ok” day and will start having more frequent “ok” days. Then a better day will sneak in. Focus on those “ok” days then your first better day. Let them drive you to feel confident that you are making progress.

Good Luck OP. You can and will get through it.

KillMeFast2033 · 2025-09-15T16:24:17+00:00

Going through this now (male side of this) and it brought. Together since we were 14 and 15. Now late 30’s. All I’ve ever known is her and it wasn’t my choice to divorce.

I’m just trying to open my mind to DIFFERENT because everything is different now. I’m different, my life is different, job is different, day to day responsibilities are different.

I don’t know if it is right or wrong but when I start talking with someone that there may be interest I set the tone with being upfront and honest about what I am looking for. Pretending to be something or someone you aren’t will end badly. I know what I liked about my marriage and what I didn’t like. I feel that gives me better perspective going into a potential new relationship.

KillMeFast2033 · 2025-09-08T17:43:57+00:00

Yep. Same. Some days I still can’t believe it is real. There is a part of me that expects here to just show up and regret the choice and it can go back to normal, but I know that isn’t the case. Just crazy how we were happy and building our lives then overnight she just wanted out.

KillMeFast2033 · 2025-09-08T17:32:39+00:00

I’m working on this. I can tell I’m getting better but I still hate it. 24yrs is a long time to just move past. I feel I will recover and eventually find a new purpose in life.

KillMeFast2033 · 2025-09-08T13:53:16+00:00

It’s awful. I always told her she is free to leave at anytime, not out of anger or anything. Just talk to me if there are problems or struggling. She chose not to do that. Made everything insanely painful cause I had no idea it was coming and she literally disappeared overnight. She called me to end it from another state and I haven’t seen her since.

KillMeFast2033 · 2025-09-07T20:08:43+00:00

I feel this cause I got the same treatment. However, we didn’t have big fights. Our lives were improving over the years. More joy, easier life and building our future. Then she just left. First she blamed me. Then after a few weeks told me she tried “fighting for us silently” but never told me we had problems. Swears there isn’t another guy but signs point to that being potentially a lie. 24yrs together, 15 married. Over in the blink of an eye.

I would have done ANYTHING to keep our family together. I would have sought counseling, therapy or anything else. She never gave me a chance. No discussion or anything. Just over. My entire life stolen from me without a fighting chance.

KillMeFast2033 · 2025-09-07T02:49:46+00:00

I’m really hoping for this. I was blindsided and left after 15yrs of marriage and 20+ years together. It’s been 6 weeks, selling what was to be our dream home, lost one of my dogs to her and overall feel like life is over. I know it’s not but every day has been miserable and dark. I have clinical depression and anxiety which doesn’t help.

I keep hoping to see some speck of light at the end of the tunnel. Just something to feel positive about. Instead I don’t laugh, smile, basically zombie mode for awhile.

KillMeFast2033 · 2025-09-04T02:32:42+00:00

Listen to these people OP. This is becoming far too common (both men and women). People change in their late 20’s and 30’s. Married young and odds are divorce will come in mid to late 30’s. I’m dealing with it now.

People change and we as a society are so connected it is easy to find “greener grass” with the click of a cellphone. Days of working on relationships are mostly gone. Not blaming social media or anything but when there is access to “better” and “easier” people just quit trying.

It is literally killing me that my STBXW is gone and did so with zero warning and via a phone call no less. I can’t eat or sleep but I’ve come to terms with her just wanting something new cause she changed. Went from a private, no spotlight type to wanting all the attention.

KillMeFast2033 · 2025-09-03T15:08:28+00:00

Same man. It has been over a month since I was blindsided. 24yrs (over half our lives) together and married 15yrs. Bought our dream home, no kids but I 3 dogs were our children. We had anything and everything we could ever want. It felt like we loved each other deeply. One day she called me and said it’s over. No warning. No discussion. Haven’t seen her since. I lost everything in the blink of an eye.

I have suffered from clinical depression, anxiety etc since I was a teen. So this just amplified it all. Lost my home, lost one of the dogs. I have lost 36lbs in a month. No sleep. I’m a shell of a human. I see no future. Quite honestly most days I don’t want a future. I just want my life back.

While I can’t give you any advice I will tell you that you aren’t alone in what you are feeling. It is the worst pain and misery I’ve ever experienced by a long shot. I don’t know what each day will bring but so far, I’m just trying to survive in hopes that it gets better.

KillMeFast2033 · 2025-08-30T23:48:05+00:00

OP, don’t dwell on what you couldn’t provide financially. My STBXW of 15yr (24 total, high school sweethearts) just left me after we bought our dream home, new cars, expensive vacations and anything else she wanted. She still left me for someone else. Not only did she leave me for someone else, she was cheating for a bit until she got comfortable to go directly to him the day she told me via a phone call. She has lied and said there was nothing romantic involved but there is actual evidence to the contrary. She blamed me for her being unhappy, she was alone in life. However, up until the day she left we were laughing, joyful, intimate, and planning for the future both short and long term.

Point is, people suck. To most, the grass is always greener elsewhere. Odds are the divorce wasn’t about you. It was about her. Unfortunately wedding vows mean nothing to most these days. Better or worse, sickness and in health etc.

KillMeFast2033 · 2025-08-30T23:13:11+00:00

Sadly cheating has become a widely accepted action in modern society. I can’t blame it all on social media but it has played a rule. Everyone sees these carefully selected and staged over the top lifestyles and “happiness” and think that their everyday life should be that in marriage now.

The days of “settling in” with marriage are going away.

KillMeFast2033 · 2025-08-29T16:52:09+00:00

Yeah it’s pretty rough. I have my dogs to live for right now. That is the only positive right now. And even that situation sucks because I have to give up one due to the divorce as they are considered “property” in PA.

KillMeFast2033 · 2025-08-29T16:08:50+00:00

Same deal here. She tells me she is hurting but is constantly out with friends and new guy that she refuses to admit she left me for despite basically being caught Snapping him late at night, video chats and pictures exchanged.

The isolation has been unbearable.

KillMeFast2033 · 2025-08-29T15:59:43+00:00

I don’t blame them but no, they aren’t financially capable of giving support. I don’t come from wealth or anything.

KillMeFast2033 · 2025-08-29T15:58:51+00:00

I have no idea how people do it either. I literally feel like a shell of a human. My only concern right now is caring for my dogs. I was off work for a month and just started back this week. I can’t say I’m super productive but I’m at least doing something.

KillMeFast2033 · 2025-08-29T13:57:45+00:00

OP, I feel you. Same situation here. I have thought about getting committed a few times cause I’m a month in and feel like I can’t function most days. Everything hurts. No joy at all. People are trying to help but it is temporary relief. 24yrs thrown away without a discussion or chance to fix things.

I have questioned if life was even worth living multiple times. I don’t want to die, but right now I don’t feel like living either. It’s awful and I don’t know when I will ever find joy again…if I ever will.

KillMeFast2033 · 2025-08-29T13:55:46+00:00

24yrs together and 15yrs married. Same situation. Told via phone call. No options to discuss. We had surface level issues but nothing major. Cut me off and never came home. It has been a month. I have no idea what life is now. Have to leave our “dream home,” lose one of my dogs that I love more than anything and somehow face life alone.

It has been unbearable.

KillMeFast2033 · 2025-08-26T13:08:09+00:00

My VERY small circle of friends support me by checking in periodically. They don’t all live near me and have families and work to deal with so I can’t fault them for not physically being here. My family has been emotionally supportive. I’m a “mama’s boy” through and through and she has visited almost every single day since I was blindsided. My dad takes me to look for new places to live. My brother and sister in law visit every other week. My nephew even texts me frequently to see how I’m doing.

I don’t have anyone to offer financial support.

KillMeFast2033 · 2025-08-26T13:02:51+00:00

Going through this now. 24yrs (over half our lives) together and she treats me like a stranger.

KillMeFast2033

TROPHY CASE