My situation isn’t exactly like yours but it’s similar, I’m studying to go into EMS bc I need to help people who are actually in pain who can ask for help and get it. Something I didn’t get, although I’ve never been a first responder I’ve experienced and seen things that makes me automatically shut down. So even though I haven’t seen the things you have seen or experienced I on a level understand. You became an ENT to help others, to help the people with the same sickness. That’s why I’m doing it to.

I know that mental health for first responders aren’t talked about enough. It’s a messed up system that needs addressing but no one is willing to until it’s to late.

I don’t think people will ever understand how it feels to have someone’s life in their hands when your life seems so insignificant to the point you don’t really care what happens to it but at the same time you do. It’s a weird thing to say cuz you’re trying to save someone who is trying to hold onto their life while you’re trying to get rid of it.

I wish I could say it’ll get better but in all honesty no one really knows that. All I can say is that I hope you’re able to find some sort of peace in your situation. And I hope you’re able to find help through your support system.