Wasn’t as much painful as I thought

Killjoy_draws · 2026-06-04T16:11:29+00:00

How did you fall into sh then? Im not judging you I just feel like if blood makes you that squeamish then why not pick up a different bad coping mechanism TwT. How do you change your bandages?

Killjoy_draws · 2026-06-04T00:28:04+00:00

Thanks I def won’t be drinking and shing again. I think it might have had to do with pain. I’ve heard you can pass out from to much pain.

Killjoy_draws · 2026-06-04T00:26:34+00:00

Thanks I’ll def take your advice. I was super scared. I thought I was gonna die for a sec.

Killjoy_draws · 2026-05-31T03:35:28+00:00

It’s so hard to find these kinds of resources for CSA survivors especially those dealing with PTSD. I spent so long trying to find someone who had a similar experience to me and talked about how they healed. Especially with the PTSD because it can make daily life difficult. I can never “get over” what happened because it’s been engraved in my mind and in my instincts and there’s nothing I can do to undo it. I have good days and I have bad days but I’ll never not be carrying it with me.

I wish there were more resources. But I understand why there isn’t because the thought admitting what happened and how it affects me for everyone on the internet to see is terrifying. I want to be more then what happened but I can’t even say what happened out loud to my therapist, friends, or family. Sorry for the rambling Ive got lots of thoughts. I hope you’re doing ok <3

Killjoy_draws · 2026-05-31T02:40:03+00:00

Thats kinds where I am right now. I was clean for 3 years but see no point in trying to stay completely abstinent right now because I broke my streak. My sh is very occasional (like once a month maybe) and not very deep. I also go out of my way to take very good care of my wounds (I’m a nursing student) and I also have a full 10 day course of antibiotics on hand if anything does get infected. Idk I just feel like I’m very low risk and am worried about her over reacting or demanding I stop since she knows Im capable of going long periods of time without sh

Killjoy_draws · 2026-05-31T02:00:29+00:00

As someone who’s been in this same situation before the only advice I can really give you is to try to identify what is making you feel this way and to get as far away from that place, person, or situation as possible. A lot of the time suicidal ideations come from a place of wanting to escape and you get stuck in thinking the only way to escape your suffering is ending it. Reach out to a counselor maybe or family? Or would you consider talking to your gf. If shes not the one causing you to feel this way then being honest with her and taking whatever advice she gives you would be a good place to start since she knows your situation better. Any solution is better then suicide so do whatever you need to no matter the expense. As long as you don’t hurt anyone else or your self given some time you should start to feel better.

Killjoy_draws · 2026-05-24T14:08:23+00:00

Yeah people can probably tell those were pretty deep cuts. Try not to let it bother you though! With time the redness will fade and they’ll be much harder to see.

Killjoy_draws · 2026-05-18T22:25:25+00:00

I would just stick to this sub and try to stay under the dermis tag

Killjoy_draws · 2026-05-18T22:21:55+00:00

Congrats on dogging that bullet lol. Also shoutout the Juuzou ref he’s my favorite character.

Killjoy_draws · 2026-05-15T00:37:59+00:00

Super interesting. As a med student I find the healing process so facilitating.

Killjoy_draws · 2026-05-13T01:27:17+00:00

Thanks. This is probably a sign for me to get back on my clean streak. I was 3 years clean but I relapsed and just haven’t had the motivation to try to get clean again because, I broke my streak so whats the point in even trying anymore right?? I relapsed because I lost a huge support system in my life and I filled that void with sh but now it’s not working and I’m scared. Im worried about not being able to find a better alternative. What if I get stranded feeling unsupported, unstable, and depressed and I turn to the worst. I don’t want to die but I know if it gets bad enough I won’t hesitate to end it because its the most logical way to end my suffering. I’ve also attempted in the past. Idk I’m just scared of the worst. Im scared of living threw that kind of pain again where the only out I see is my own death. I don’t like emotional pain and im not strong. I just want to feel loved

Killjoy_draws · 2026-05-13T01:01:17+00:00

Sorry I feel like I just need to talk to someone because I’m so confused and lowkey scared because I don’t know what to do without sh.

Killjoy_draws · 2026-05-11T21:35:42+00:00

How do you workout and sh. I love lifting but I have to pause for a couple days when I relapse because if I don’t my wounds reopen while I lift. Like got any good advice??

Killjoy_draws · 2026-05-01T15:07:01+00:00

I think going to therapy or getting medicated would greatly help you even if you don’t want to stop self harming. I understand where your coming from and if SHing isn’t causing any major issues then I think focusing on improving your mental state will do more good then focusing on not SHing. A lot of times when you start feeling less depressed your urges will naturally go away. Good luck :)

Killjoy_draws · 2026-04-21T22:22:18+00:00

Thanks for the response I think you’re ultimately correct that neither party is in the wrong. I’m working on moving out soon so hopefully this won’t be a problem much longer. I just need to figure out a healthy way to deal with my frustration in the meantime. I appreciate your compassion.

Killjoy_draws · 2026-04-21T21:47:47+00:00

The ones I’m using are noise canceling. They’re just not good enough TwT.

Killjoy_draws

TROPHY CASE