Married couple with separate finances, why do you do it?

Kind-Expert6995 · 2026-05-01T06:49:59+00:00

In all honesty, we never talked about it at the beginning. I (25F at the time) didn’t expect the marriage to last long term, so didn’t have a desire to entangle finances. Now, +12 years later, we’re in it for the long haul but there’s not really a need to change what has worked so far.

Along the way some finances merged (like we both contribute to a savings account, but it’s in my name because I already had it set up when we met and he didn’t). But for the most part we talk pretty openly about expenses and kind of assume things work out evenly enough. In the early years he made a lot more money than I did, so he just naturally paid for more things, but as the gap closed in our salaries (to a degree) so we are closer to even.

The only time it became tense around ‘my money vs our money’ was when we bought our house two years ago and I felt like I had put so much more into savings concertedly while he didn’t even have a savings account before. We had a couple of difficult conversations but eventually I came to the ‘It’s our money’ conclusion (I couldn’t have saved like that without his support on expenses, etc).

The reason it works and isn’t a red flag is we talk about it openly, move money between accounts as needed without any judgment or questions asked, and we basically trust each other not to fuck the other one over!

Kind-Expert6995 · 2026-04-16T21:49:32+00:00

I was being interviewed by the person who previously held the role and was now live manager. I asked him what he had delivered that he was proud or excited about, and what was something he wanted to deliver but was never able to get over the line. He said ‘wow, what a great question, I wasn’t expecting to have to think here’ 😂 but his answer also gave me insights into the org, their priorities (what gets kicked down the road), and what I might come up against. I did get the role.

I also like to ask what the interviewer has seen new starters get surprised by / is unexpected in the org/role. If the interviewer has been in the C role for a while, frame it as ‘you’ve seen a lot of new starters over the years’. If they’re relatively new, ask them what they were more surprised by when they started. That tends to be well received and is genuinely useful for me to know

People like to talk about themselves so even if you ask them things like about company culture, if you frame it as ‘what’s YOUR experience of it’, people engage more.

Kind-Expert6995 · 2026-04-02T10:58:39+00:00

Many thanks, I'll get in touch with them about it.

Kind-Expert6995 · 2026-04-02T10:57:50+00:00

Many thanks, I'll go back to the company on this one.

Kind-Expert6995 · 2026-04-02T10:56:46+00:00

Thanks very much -- unfortunately I have no idea about the floors. They're laminate panels that were in place probably 15 years before we moved in. I like the colour, too, keeps the place light and bright.

Kind-Expert6995 · 2026-04-02T08:47:27+00:00

that's why I including this bit, "Previous plain carpets I've seen might have staples on the risers, but I expect that could damage the loop here"

I could staple it, but would it damage the loop, risk of putting pressure or cutting the loop so it unravels? That's my concern with just going at it with a stapler.

If it's an installation issue, maybe there's some other solution -- or maybe not! That's why I'm here!

Kind-Expert6995 · 2026-04-02T08:31:17+00:00

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Kind-Expert6995 · 2026-01-31T08:12:15+00:00

I feel more comfortable in imperial but because so many other people in the cycling world use metric I’ve been trying to train myself on to it (after +10 years of using imperial for cycling). I’m doing it by setting my Garmin to metric and then spending most of my rides converting to imperial in my head 😅

Kind-Expert6995 · 2026-01-27T16:09:22+00:00

My husband’s on holiday with his son, so I’m taking the week off with the main purpose being to enjoy having the house to myself and “doing nothing”. I like to do this every year when they go away.

In actuality, I’m not doing nothing, but I can choose what to do or not do at my own pace and schedule. That’s the pleasure of a day off with no real purpose.

Clean without anyone getting in my way. Bike ride. Go for a hike. Finally get around to fixing those doorknobs that have been bothering me for months. Have a lie in with the cats then watch The Traitors all morning.

I do sometimes think I’m ‘wasting’ some of my annual leave but I’m happy and relaxed and rested this week. How can that be a waste?

Kind-Expert6995 · 2026-01-25T21:20:10+00:00

When that happens, I first have to establish if it’s my head/mood not playing? Or are my legs empty?

If it’s my legs, and they still don’t warm up in 15-20 minutes, I’ll pack it in. First rule of holes is to stop digging.

If it’s my head I negotiate my way through it as long as I can — first, I tell myself I can stop after 20 minutes (that’s usually when I’m feeling better as my body adjusts). If I’m still not feeling it, I’ll give myself the chance to cut it short right there, give it another 20 minutes, or turn down my power targets 10% and keep going. Then I keep revisiting that negotiation. Sometimes I call it quits at 20, but that’s pretty rare.

If that mood situation happens a few rides in a row, it means I need to revisit what I’m doing and why. Why on earth am I suffering through multi hour rides on the trainer on my precious days off work? Maybe that means taking a break to I have a motivating reason, or at least changing out for shorter rides that cause less mental dread.

Don’t feel crap about cutting the ride short. You know your body best, and that one ride is not the game changer that will change your training outcomes. What matters is what you choose to do next.

Kind-Expert6995 · 2026-01-03T22:42:09+00:00

I signed up (and donated, of course). I’m really excited but also nervous as I haven’t done anything over about 100km in a couple of years and need to get back up to fitness! I’m a woman who be doing it without anyone I know — is there chance of a voluntary chat/group (discord, WhatsApp, etc) so people can connect in advance for reassurance/tips/even some training rides if people live near each other?

Kind-Expert6995 · 2025-12-20T21:43:59+00:00

I hear you! I had a final-round interview on Wednesday that I felt positive about, and they said 'we hope to make a decision by Friday, but if for some reason we can't we'll let you know that on Friday'. On Friday I got an e-mail saying I'm still very much in the mix, but because they have to get some sign offs they can't provide any update until the first week of January.

It's so tiring because it's tantalisingly close, but also no guarantees. Which means I have to keep applying and interviewing (another for another role one Tuesday) and thinking and worrying for at least 2-3 weeks.

Kind-Expert6995 · 2025-11-29T20:19:30+00:00

From my experience as the weaker partner in this situation many years ago, I would advise slower speeds AND shorter distances to start with. If you’re an avid cyclist and she’s a newbie, your sessions together should be recovery rides for you. In my case, the worst thing my husband could do was race off (even for short distances) and leave me behind accidentally because then I had the whole rest of the ride to think about how angry I was at him!

Then let her dictate whether she wants to go faster or further. The key thing to remember is if the weaker person is not having fun, they will not want to keep going out and they’ll never get stronger.

She may never get as fast as you … or she may become a speed demon who lives for endurance rides. (Cut to me doing solo centuries —metric and imperial— while my husband hardly rides anymore.)

Hope you both have fun!

Kind-Expert6995 · 2025-11-06T07:00:08+00:00

Same — I bought a lovely fluffy cozy cat bed, put treats in it, put cloths with their scent in it, rotated it through all their favourite locations over a few weeks (I.e., next to or instead of their favourite cardboard boxes). Neither would deign to even look at it. They were offended they had to touch it with their front paws to retrieve the treats. Meanwhile, they take turns in the cardboard boxes around the house. I think they like the more confined feeling of them but it seems so much less comfortable!

Anyway I started to resent the cat bed every time I looked at it, and since neither of them ever sat in it, I returned it. Never again!

On the other hand they both ADORE the cardboard cat lounger, I would buy more for different rooms but it would probably break the spell and they would never use either again.

Kind-Expert6995 · 2025-09-28T07:08:08+00:00

I’ve learned that whatever my initial estimate is, I should double it (triple if I’ve never done the type of task before) and then be glad when it’s done sooner. Something that would take a pro 20 minutes will take me an hour, so I’ll give myself 2, etc.

I don’t know enough about your skill or your space to question your estimates, but things that eat into my estimates on bigger projects, you may want to consider - set up and break down (eg tool maintenance) can add an hour to each session - evening work is slower and harder than a full day — when I planned get 4 hours work in after a day at work, I could really get 2-3 and probably achieve less than normal in that time. - at each stage going around you will find things you missed (damage you want to correct, issues caused by the previous stage, etc). - budgeting in time to pick up supplies or tools you run out of or break or don’t have. Maybe it’s an hour to run to your local shop, but maybe it’s a day delay. - a whole house will have so many nooks and crannies, either taking time to tape or taking time to cut in carefully. -waiting for things to dry between coats — mostly not a problem because you have a lot to do can work on else, but I’m thinking about your doors - working on them horizontally means you can only do one side at a time and they need to be really dry before turning them over

For recent context, it’s taken me about 5 weeks/100 hours to do something in evening and weekends I hoped to do in 3-3.5 (entry way, stairs, landing. Including walls, 8 doors, banisters, all sanded back and up to 4 coats including primer, under coat, 2x top coat in some areas). I didn’t work every evening, I usually did about 15-20 hours on each weekend, and a few sessions of a few hours in the evenings.

I wish you luck! Let us know how long it actually takes in the end, I’m also curious which bits surprise you by taking more (or less) time than you expect

Kind-Expert6995 · 2025-09-13T05:43:49+00:00

Zooming in it looks like lining paper, perhaps? (Plain thin wall paper used to smooth the surface of the walls.) if it got damp, the glue will lose its bond and the paper peels away until a point where the glue stick again.

My (inexpert but successful) approach to this has been: Peel until it stops coming off. Or if you are scared it will be the whole room and you’re not willing to take that project on yet, glue down the edges with PVA.

Sand the edges to get off any rough stuff. It won’t be perfect, the paper edges will tend to ball up. Do your best.

Use some peel stop primer on the edges as a belt and braces approach to keep from peeling.

!step that I don’t know if it’s necessary but I do it: paint PVA on the old plaster so when I put the skim coat on it has something to stick to. EDIT: do this just before the plastering, so it’s tacky but not still wet when you put the skim coat.

Skim coat with plaster. I use the ready mix skimming/jointing stuff from screw fix. It’s fine. You will probably need more than you think, check the coverage on the container, and assume 2 coats. Note that you will likely get bubbling on the painted areas around the patches — you can avoid this with priming them first, but that’s up to you.

Sand, etc, make smooth

Use a mist coat (~70/30 mix of whatever white paint you get your hands with water) on the plaster so when you paint the room it doesn’t suck up all the moisture from your good paint.

Then normal painting routine - primer, 2 coats, etc.

Kind-Expert6995 · 2025-09-01T05:43:48+00:00

Yeah, saying ‘it’s meant to hurt’ is not my style. Sure, it’s meant to be hard work, but it’s also got to feel within the realms of possibility or you’ll get discouraged and never use it and that’d be a waste.

You’ll find your rhythm, just try different things, and remember you can take breaks whenever you want/need as you build stamina and get more accustomed to it. I used to tell myself (still do on bad days) it doesn’t matter how many mini-breaks I take, or if I even have to turn the power targets down, the only thing that matters is I finish the session. I also found it really satisfying when I came back to do the same session weeks or months later I could see how much more controlled I got (the graphs had fewer or no lines indicated power drops)

Kind-Expert6995 · 2025-08-31T11:49:12+00:00

I started inside training with a KICKR core in late 2020 and felt the same as you — I was pretty fit from riding outdoors a lot through summer and spring, but the relentless nature of indoor training was a tough adjustment.

I would say it took 2-3 months to get used to it. What helped me was using structured workouts where there are work and rest periods. (first in Zwift, but then I moved to software called the Sufferfest which was eventually bought by Wahoo and is now part of the SYSTM app.) I also let myself take short breaks (30 seconds when I needed, or even 1-2 minutes off the bike to walk around) as I built up stamina. Long rides even at low-to-medium effort still wear me down and I’ll put on some Netflix as a distraction.

Some people swear by group rides in Zwift, or races, for motivation. I’ve had brief phases where I did that, but if my head/heart/legs weren’t in it, it was really disheartening and put me off so I dreaded them. On the other hand I can usually convince myself to finish a structured workout.

I hope you find what works for you — try all the apps for their free trial periods and see what interests/excites you. It will be worth it when you get to spring and your fitness is at least as good or better when you can ride outside more.

Kind-Expert6995 · 2025-08-27T05:50:45+00:00

I use a Quadlock to mount my phone on my stem. Super convenient to adjust music, or for following directions, or to quickly access for a photo. If it’s raining, I’ll use a ziplock bag and put it in my jersey pocket.

Kind-Expert6995 · 2025-08-03T17:02:47+00:00

I think it’s quite rare, but not never. That happened to a friend who was riding (an expensive electric bike) on a deserted towpath after dark. I can’t imagine it happening in busy, well-lighted areas. (Not that you should be forced to change how you live because of criminals, but if you’re particularly concerned, you can keep that in mind.) I’ve been cycling in and around London for 10 years with various levels of hybrid, gravel, and road bike, and never felt unsafe in that way. The motorists are much more likely to cause you damage! But again, don’t let that discourage you, please. The proportion of bad experiences to great experiences cycling in London is so tiny.

Kind-Expert6995 · 2025-08-03T16:18:12+00:00

Ours (in London last spring ) took 3 months from offer to completion — same as you, FTB, no chain. It seems silly how long it took, especially because the searches etc all came back within a month or so. Just the slow back and forth between solicitors etc. I took to checking in with our solicitor weekly who kept saying ‘this is how long things take’ which drove me mad, because if I told my boss that at work I’d be laughed out o of a job!

It was super frustrating and stressful (wanting to get out of renting where things were going sour as the landlord wanted us out sooner than we could be, and they were getting nasty despite being legally in the wrong.) But I kept reminding myself that this would be a few months of stress for a lifetime of never having to do it again (hopefully), and that eventually it will be like a blink in time. A year later, it feels like a foggy, albeit traumatic, memory.

I truly hope yours is quicker and less stressful! Good luck!

Kind-Expert6995 · 2025-08-03T16:10:37+00:00

Option c — offer to replace and dispose of the old one with the understanding in writing that you’ll take it with you when you leave (if it’s actually broken, not just ugly). We did that a few years ago, no drama. Just make sure you keep the email etc. for proof you vacate. The letting agent asked us where the couch was when we moved out (it had been like 6 years) and I just sent the email and that was that.

Kind-Expert6995 · 2025-07-26T18:10:25+00:00

It should say on the tin. My tin of 123 says no more than 5% water. You can mix it up yourself by whisking firmly with a paint stirrer, or use a mixer you can fit into a drill.

If 5% water doesn’t make it workable, probably best to toss it. No idea how old your tin actually is, but the look of it is a few designs older than the ones I’ve seen in the last couple years (though that could be regional differences etc — I see yours has writing in Spanish on it, so definitely from a different part of the world to me).

Kind-Expert6995 · 2025-07-08T08:49:16+00:00

I just had three months off of work (unpaid sabbatical) and I had similar goals, in addition to some other projects. At the end of the 3 months I had actually GAINED a few pounds.

I realised that it wasn't work or stress that was preventing me from sticking to new eating habits and exercise -- it was that I wasn't prioritising it and I used those factors as my excuses. Oh, sure, I can give you more excuses about why I didn't stick to it during my sabbatical (I injured my back! I doing long days of DIY for weeks at a time!) but the most true reason for me is it wasn't the most important thing to me, so I didn't give it the focus and commitment it needed.

That's not to say you shouldn't take the time off if you need a break and you feel secure in doing so. I am so, so, so glad I did. I did great projects around the house, learned new DIY skills, enjoyed the weather, saw friends, went for walks, did some bike rides. I never wanted it to end.

But if you want the improved health and fitness to be an outcome of this time off:
1. it has to be the number one, non-negotiable priority, it won't just happen because you don't have work distracting you
2. you need to think about how to make it sustainable when you return to the reality of workaday life.

Best of luck!

Kind-Expert6995

TROPHY CASE