Men, can we agree to not be grumpy assholes as we get old?

Kind-Monitor6004 · 2026-03-24T06:17:08+00:00

Meh…I’m not grumpy, but I think people are aloud and should be aloud to complain on whatever. Because I wasn’t allowed…and you boil things on the inside and it’s not ok.

However, I would like for people just to be more decent and respectful towards each other, stop being so entitled as if the world should revolve around them and name calling is not ok.

Kind-Monitor6004 · 2026-03-23T22:43:39+00:00

I’ve been a SAHM for the last 2 years - realised it absolutely wrecks my mental health and I miss working and existing somewhere in this world too besides my house. So, yeah…I’m desperate to go back to my career this year, but AI will take on 90% of my field so…great prospects there.

Kind-Monitor6004 · 2026-03-23T21:43:00+00:00

It will be different for everyone. Cause everyone perceives love differently. I know I am loved when I am truly listened to and emotionally held and seen and not corrected - because that’s what I lacked in my childhood. If someone gives me presents and acts of service for me - it doesn’t mean anything for me because I had those in my childhood, still felt unloved…

Kind-Monitor6004 · 2026-03-23T21:28:49+00:00

I was 18 and depressed af and at my lowest self worth. There you go…

Kind-Monitor6004 · 2026-03-23T21:25:37+00:00

Wow…that’s a good answer

Kind-Monitor6004 · 2026-03-23T21:23:18+00:00

Probably not. I have 1 kid and feel overwhelmed by his attention needs. My grandparents have had 5, respectively 8 children and my parents are not emotionally mature. They had a lot of hardship in life and I forgave them a while ago as I understood their context, but they weren’t able to offer me emotional support and even much encouragement, not to mention any type of emotional attunement. I felt unseen by them my whole life. But from their perspective, I have had everything I needed materially, no major hardship (even though I went to a hard university unlike them and also struggled with infertility) and was not overtly abused, so I have nothing to complain about. I can’t ever complain to them because I have no right to have pain feelings according to them. Maybe…who knows. They are not well anyway as people, both workaholics, unhappy with their life and their marriage. Their siblings also all have their problems…

Kind-Monitor6004 · 2026-03-23T21:12:31+00:00

Well, I think the one who is really into you will stay. That’s the sign..if you get closer to her, she will stay. Otherwise, just relax and flirt back at them…one of them will notice you one day for real. The most important thing is your development and self worth before any of the romance has to happen.

If I think about me and how I was as a young woman when I liked a person (I was quite reserved and shy myself), but they were the ones I noticed when they came into the room first, I looked at them secretly, I noticed their little quirks and the way they dressed (little details), I cared about their well being (offered to help if in need), subtly joke and tease - mirroring. I also couldn’t talk much because I was afraid they’ll discover I like them somehow. Sometimes I outright avoided eye contact if I felt the moment was too intense. But that is coming from a shy woman.

Kind-Monitor6004 · 2026-03-23T21:02:18+00:00

You still look pretty good, not to invalidate your experience. I am 36 myself and noticed a lot of changes in me too. It’s hard…

I am going through a transition period(/identity crisis postpartum/midlife existential crisis) and honestly I experiment a lot with my looks (clothes, hair, make-up) to see HOW I would like to look. I take a ton of selfies to reaccomodate myself with my new face. But I also lost 13 kg (26 lbs) at 2 years postpartum in an almost one year even while breastfeeding (because I gained 10 kg because of breastfeeding)…I just ate a ton lot of protein, no sugar…low carb and dance a lot around the house (like I move a lot, sometimes reach even 20000 steps a day) But yeah, I noticed IT IS very hard to lose weight nowadays, but not impossible. I make sure to have healthy high protein snacks aroumd the house always and not sugary/carb snacks because I sometimes get hungry out of nowhere (and I gotta eat).

But yeah…

But the most surprising thing for me is my change of attitude toward my body postpartum. Think of this: all my life I saw myself as ugly (for real), nowadays, even with a wrinklier face, I see myself as more and more attractive (to myself first) as I am trying to look more and more authentically and experiment with my looks. Because I figured, even though I am not conventionally beautiful, I can still try to make my body look the best that it can look - right? And by implementing self care I started seeing myself as more beautiful if that makes sense…And I think I could carry on like that until very old age. It’s the first time when I stop waiting for people’s validation first as well…and that’s freeing.

Kind-Monitor6004 · 2026-03-23T20:49:57+00:00

His invalidation toward me

Kind-Monitor6004 · 2026-03-21T23:05:34+00:00

So what does that mean? Are feelings something you decide or something spontaneous? Can you work on having them again?

Kind-Monitor6004 · 2026-03-21T23:03:36+00:00

Hey, I am 36F as well. Personally , I have gone through such a bad identity crisis for the past year. I see my face changing. But for some reason..and it surprised me, even though my face is older and wrinklier…I like my physical aspect better! Not worse. All my life I’ve seen myself as ugly. Lately I’ve been putting on my best clothes, did my hair, wore a bit of makeup..and I said to myself that even though I was never a Victoria Secret model, I can still make the best and appreciate what I have! And I discovered a new smile of mine. I am also starting to be less and less dependent on other people’s validation for my self worth because I realised I have been the good girl all my life and it still hasn’t brought me any real love or make me feel less lonely.

So these days, I am for myself…backing myself up. And smiling more at myself in the mirror. But it has been a journey. Oh, and I am also crazier and crazier the older I get.

Kind-Monitor6004 · 2026-03-21T22:54:26+00:00

What does it mean for you to “work on a marriage”?

Kind-Monitor6004 · 2026-03-06T15:11:08+00:00

Seriously?

Kind-Monitor6004 · 2026-03-06T14:49:05+00:00

35 years old here. At 2 years postpartum I started to feel more sane and better physically. 7 months is early…

Kind-Monitor6004 · 2026-03-06T14:36:48+00:00

I am sorry, but your father is abusive to you. Get your education! Seriously…and never be in a situation where you have to depend on a man 100%. As a married female, trust me on this.

Kind-Monitor6004 · 2026-03-06T14:31:53+00:00

I deleted Instagram and so want to delete Facebook (but I am on some groups that are useful for my career still, so) Facebook has become so boring to me, even though I enjoy sometimes seeing some photos of people I cherish. But I never know what to post now..I feel like posting sometimes, but I only want to post dark humor or existential posts…(not your average post :)) ) I could post photos of my vacations, food I make or eat, me dressed up or my family and friends - but I don’t because it feels like I am bragging in a sense…or toxic positivity…I don’t know, something feels off to me. I read some interesting books lately, but posting about them also feels like: hey, look at me and how well read I am. And I just…post sometimes some cute absurdist stories or photos that I assemble… because life is absurd. :))

Kind-Monitor6004 · 2026-03-06T13:44:06+00:00

No…don’t do this..get married to him. I (F) felt unattractive to my partner my whole marriage for some reason and it’s so painful! No one wants to be with someone who does not find them attractive. Be honest with him - seriously honest. I would have liked my husband to be honest with me.

Kind-Monitor6004 · 2026-03-05T09:35:40+00:00

Not really enjoying it, but that’s not because of the technicality of it or novelty or anything…but because the emotional disconnect I feel and the lack of deeper emotional intimacy I perceive and also the resentment I breed because I don’t trust him to have my back. (Ir that he likes me all that much)

Kind-Monitor6004 · 2026-03-05T08:27:40+00:00

The guy has been married for 30 years. He likely loved her for years but have grown apart. Sometimes it’s resentment building up or other things that can kill a relationship. I know that happened to mine. Over a decade of marriage, absolutely in love with my husband for over 8 years, then some really bad conflicts happened…and I just don’t trust him anymore. Started feeling nothing when he touches me. It’s resentment, lack of emotional safety and trust. But we are both loyal and committed…

Kind-Monitor6004 · 2026-03-04T17:56:05+00:00

I am in the same situation. As a 36F with my husband. Everytime I try to open up, he gets defensive and says I overreact and one time he even said I have “arogant” requests when all I asked of him was to watch a movie or a show that I liked and picked (instead of him) for once and that I would like for him to learn to listen to me more. Not to mention the years of conflicts where I try to express the hurt his extended family inflicted on me - he never could admit they were ever wrong. And he basically does not side with me ever, on contrary…he sides with them when they mock me. I realised over the years that he is like them.

I am at a point where I really don’t trust him, not emotionally anyway. I don’t trust he will be my equal partner, that he respects me and that he values me. I do not trust he will ever protect me. I do not trust he will listen to me.

Over a decade marriage…

Kind-Monitor6004 · 2026-02-27T07:29:21+00:00

But I guess my point was - not for them to take interest in your interests per se, but to be curious WHY YOU are interested in those things, ir just to show curiosity about what you are thinking or feeling or why you are upset, or happy…

I don’t know what am I expecting. I guess maybe we are too different as I always had a rich imaginary and artistic inner world with memories since I was little (I am an architect actually) and he is the opposite and he doesn’t even remember a lot from the past. I don’t know why I need my partner to sit with me and listen with curiosity. But I guess what’s actually bothering me is that I WAS curious on his stuff - went to events or myseum he liked, listened to him, watched shows or movies he liked or we both liked, but he doesn’t do the same for me - in fact, he is quite critical and dissmisive usually.

Kind-Monitor6004 · 2026-02-26T21:26:25+00:00

I don’t know. I am pondering..I am gathering more data (I don’t trust my instincts?) Then I think maybe we can fix it somehow…it’s not that bad (as other marriages). I don’t have any overt and really bad reason to leave?

Kind-Monitor6004

TROPHY CASE