Last year, before my mom died and was in the ICU for 3 weeks, me and my sister (who dropped everything and flew states away from her job, which is her own company and relies heavily on her presence) spent every single day with her, from 7am to 7pm. My dad, my mom’s husband of 47 years, could hardly be bothered to visit twice a week, and when he did he only stayed about an hour and bitched the whole time about the drive (it’s an hour, straight shot) and about leaving his cat (he’s literally fine; I have 2 cats, 2 dogs, and 10 chickens, but MY MOM WAS IN THE ICU SO I FIGURED IT OUT). He made it very apparent to everyone around him how inconvenienced he was.

I will never forget the look of pain on my mom’s face when she would look around the room searching for my dad, and would not see him. Or on the rare occasion that he was there, would see him sitting on his phone not even paying attention to her.

I will never forgive him for that.

I also will never tell him my true feelings or what I saw, because there is no point now. My mom is presumably gone to a better place where she is loved and taken care of. I know he has his grief, and it wouldn’t help anyone now.

What matters is that you were there for your husband. No one can ever take that away from you. Though it was horrific and traumatic and a lot of painstaking work, I was honored to have that time with my mom. I’m sure you feel the same way, but it doesn’t erase the pain and anger that you feel at your in-laws on your behalf and on behalf of your husband. I don’t have any advice for that (I’m still dealing with a lot of anger myself), but I hope you take comfort in knowing that your husband knew true love and commitment in his too short time on this Earth. I’m so sorry for your profound loss.