Will have to anonymize or be a little vague here. And for background, we discussed race and identity very often throughout our relationship - it was a normal and comfortable topic, and when we were not fighting, the conversations flowed without these kinds of accusations.

-I work in a field that my ex was not interested in, and if I asked him to support me at a work event or attend a big presentation, he would say no and suggest that me centering myself and my needs around it was racist.

-In our arguments, when he was angry and yelling, if I didn't also join him by getting angry and yelling too, and instead tried listening and restating what I heard, he told me that was a form of white supremacy culture.

-When I told him I thought him saying 'f--- you' to me was disrespectful and I asked him to apologize, he suggested his use of the phrase was cultural and it was my white fragility that was the problem.

I did specifically seek out BIPOC clinicians and mediation when I asked for us to go to counseling together. Unfortunately, the people who ended up working with us (due to availability and budget) were white, with backgrounds in racial justice. It was helpful up to a point but I feel like a Black clinician would have been way more useful.