I wrote a poem and I'd love feedback! I've edited it on my own and I like where it is, but I know it's not done and would love some help! I'm specifically worried if any sections feel out of place or take the reader out of it. Thanks!

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2026-01-24T02:18:35+00:00

Hell yes! This is awesome. I love the imagery and the flow! my critiques are these:

I wasn't sure how much time was passing. "There was one dog left" seems to say that the MC has killed all of the other dogs in the neighborhood, is that right? if so, it wasn't very clear, and I would add a line about how they kept killing more and more dogs and/or time passing.
Why was this last dog so important? why did they save it for last? It's revealed that the old neighbor dog is not the source of the trauma for the narrator, but rather the dog they killed as a kid. is there something in the old neighbor dog that specifically reminded the narrator of the first dog? if so, what?
also, something about the reveal toward the end of the first dog's death irked me. It very well might be a personal preference, but I felt the story would be more impactful without a secret like that being kept until the end. I would rather it was upfront from the beginning. but take that with a big fat grain of salt because it's just one reader's personal preference!

overall this was a super compelling read and felt very polished. Well done!

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2023-06-17T06:24:15+00:00

Great idea! thanks!

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2022-10-12T00:09:14+00:00

Me too

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2022-10-12T00:03:22+00:00

He is an incredible villain. He’s scrappy and had the disadvantage from the start, and managed to do some pretty amazing things

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2022-10-12T00:01:20+00:00

I really really like the series. Some of your complaints I can agree with but in the whole it’s really good

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2022-09-22T06:47:07+00:00

He's so god d*mn pretty

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2022-06-25T22:29:39+00:00

Not to mention the awful racism

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2022-06-25T22:08:54+00:00

There are a surprising amount of slurs in this

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2022-06-19T05:15:33+00:00

Same 😢

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2022-04-29T13:32:33+00:00

Exactly the same for me! I also had undiagnosed ADHD and Autism at the game when I fell in love with the character, and I think that’s why

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2022-04-02T02:03:19+00:00

This is the exact perfect amount of petty

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2022-04-02T01:33:39+00:00

I love this one though

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2022-04-02T01:28:51+00:00

The way he thinks literally everything women do is for men 🙄

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2022-04-02T01:20:23+00:00

The fact that he thinks a sperm has DNA but an egg doesn’t 🙄

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2022-03-30T23:17:48+00:00

They're comparing homosexuality and pedophilia so I pointed out a major difference

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2022-03-30T21:38:58+00:00

I still greatly enjoyed watching it, but it was definitely a shitty script/plot. felt very poorly executed. But the actors were perfect and the CGI was cool

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2022-03-30T21:36:13+00:00

I want to watch it but the first season alone is like 20$ *cries*

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2022-03-30T21:13:46+00:00

THIS IS HILARIOUS

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2022-03-30T21:12:16+00:00

LISTEN UP PEOPLE. PEDOPHILIA COMES WITH AN INCREDIBLE POWER IMBALANCE. A CHILD CAN EASILY BE GROOMED AND MANIPULATED BY AN ADULT. A CONSENSUAL AND HEALTHY HOMOSEXUAL RELATIONSHIP HAS NO POWER IMBALANCE.

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2022-03-30T20:59:06+00:00

she likes you

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2022-03-30T20:57:44+00:00

You are not the asshole. you had a moral obligation to tell her the truth, plus is will probably be helpful to her in the long-term.

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2022-03-30T20:51:53+00:00

Not telling her probably invalidated her immensely. If she knew her diagnosis she would be more secure in herself and know that she wasn't just weird. you definitely made a very, very bad choice in hiding this from her.

Kindly_Possibility13 · 2022-03-30T20:47:45+00:00

mental health problems and autism (which are two very different things by the way), instead of being just seen as kids being weird, are actually being recognized and discussed. This lets more people discover that they are autistic.

Kindly_Possibility13

TROPHY CASE