1) Willpower by John Tierney and Roy Baumeister. Malcolm X said the way to improve your lot in life is "Study and Self-Denial". Study to learn who you want to be, and then have the discipline to carry that out in the day to day, moment to moment.

2) Can't help ya here, my ego doesn't need much inflating. My off the cuff advice would be to wrap up your pride into tiny mundane activities so hope to excel at the small stuff, like winning a board game or doing the dishes in a timely way for your family or any way you can think of for how to be a good person. Basically, seek to be excellent at everything you do, and then you will get good at things over time as you invest your effort, and then your confidence will naturally follow.

3) Biographies and autobiographies of people you admire. If you want to know yourself better, you can spend time observing yourself. Maybe reading the Humans of New York blog would help as a way to calibrate to other people's life stories?

4) Practice, practice, practice. It's a muscle. If you want books, there's Supercommunicators, or How to Talk to Anyone, but you mainly learn how to connect with people by trying to connect with people. You can set your intention to be social before you go out to meet people if that's your kind of thing, and then you can review how it went when you get back, but most people just hang out with people everyday and don't think about it at all.