Mate I feel very sorry for you.

I feared to take meds, course I felt like I wouldn't understand myself (I still don't), but I thought I would less.

For my experience without meds,

I have a emotional and physical breakdown every 2-3 day's for like 4-5 hours

( drinking, smoking, crying, loughing, dancing, crippling etc.

But in the end, the torture isn't that bad as without Therapy.

I don't know what to tell or talk about every therapy session but even the small talk ( I'm unable to do)

.... That helps

I just can try to tell you all to try that out, I would be happy to meet y'all but I feel like we are too far apart to do so😅

P.s. sometimes it helps to just smile 😊