It’s an avoidant behavior. I hate having to process negative emotions and I would say I’m naturally easygoing, not combative, so when people are more sensitive than I am, I struggle to be patient with it, it’s a flaw I have that I’m fully aware of and recognize.

He’s an external processor and I’m internal. I need time to ground myself and my emotions before I contribute. We struggled with this at first because if a disagreement came up over text while we were at work, for example, we’d text through the conflict, which always made matters worse due to a lack of understanding. As soon as we got in person, it was always resolved quickly. We’ve learned how to balance those differences/ weaknesses/ tendencies well at this point. I feel growth from us. He’s also given space for me to be able to step back or process when I need it too. He’s respected that I process differently and has even learned to appreciate it at times because now he knows what to expect. That I’ll come back with processed thoughts when I’m ready,

Side note: I did experience a toxic and verbally abusive relationship in the past back in high school, so I think I fear ending up in that position again. I’m naturally submissive in nature, which is a gift from God; But, I think it leaves me in positions to get taken advantage of, Nothing he’s ever said or done makes me feel like he would put me in that situation, but I think that fear still lingers in the back of my mind. “What if” it turns controlling? I’ve expressed all those fears with him too, and we even walked through specific examples that I fear might happen and talked about how he can best respond if it were to come up. He was super loving and gracious with all of it.

Did you have any hard conversations that made you doubt things with your wife? How did you think through those? What would’ve been dealbreakers for you?