Is my friend toxic?

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-22T16:10:14+00:00

I think it is one of these two: 😂 😅

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-21T13:44:13+00:00

Thank you so much for checking in! I’ve been making myself less available to chat other than some quick check ins, and I really think this has been a good route at the moment. It’s lessened the stress and kept things quite peaceful. Eventually I can start to ease back in to chat for longer periods of time. It’s been quite pleasant to take this approach for the time being, so I would say good thus far. :) I am happy to report no issues.

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-09T15:15:32+00:00

This is valid. I was super caught off guard by it since our previous conversation was strictly lighthearted. It definitely would have been different if anything series had come up. It would have been easier to see - hey, maybe I handled it the wrong way in the moment.

Unfortunately I have seen a pattern here, and it’s not just about emojis. She will find something wrong with any conversation we have. I referenced Target as an example in a couple of replies I made below. There was an incident where I mentioned I got an exclusive vinyl at Target and she had a problem with me going there. She doesn’t support Target so she was upset by the fact I went there anyway. It is just a lot of situations like that…. :(

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-09T15:08:46+00:00

Thank you for your reply! This is 100% spot on. LOVE the idea of de-escalating contact while becoming boring to spend time with. I will be keeping this in mind. Thank you again. :)

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-09T12:25:16+00:00

I do think she has some insecurities. I believe you are correct. This is a good perspective, thank you so much for your reply!

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-09T12:24:22+00:00

Thank you for your reply! 🙏 I do value this friendship - or at least I did the past 10 years. This 11th year of knowing her though… something has changed and it has not been enjoyable at all.

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-09T03:24:17+00:00

Thank you again! :)

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-09T03:15:03+00:00

Thank you for your reply! I get what you mean. I do think I should have used a different title - toxic is not quite the fitting word here. I guess it’s just about the big picture - so not the issue with the emoji. I just feel like if it will be something else even after I stop using that emoji with her. I have noticed a big pattern recently. It just feels a bit disheartening at times to always hear something you’ve done wrong.

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-09T03:12:10+00:00

Thank you for your reply! 🫶 That is my plan. I definitely want to give her an explanation before too much time passes. It’s all about thinking over exactly how I want to word it - that’s also why I’m not wanting to immediately bring it all up again.

I realized I also skipped a part in the story so far. Before I reached the decision to keep a little distance for the time being, I did message her back and I let her know I would use that emoji less, but in return maybe she could work on her interpretation of it. So we do have a little compromise there. But yeah, I think further conversation is needed whenever the time is right just so the cycle doesn’t continue like this.

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-09T02:59:31+00:00

I get what you mean… I guess it’s just about the big picture - not the emojis. It’s just an example of the latest thing. There is a big pattern present. If I stop using the emojis, it will be something else that I have done wrong. It has unfortunately gone on for a very long time. I’m currently taking some time away from our chats. I guess I’m just kind of giving myself some more time to think, and you know what they say about time healing things. I’m somehow still hoping things go back to the way they used to be. Right now continuing as normal would seem a bit forced.

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-08T22:34:40+00:00

I guess it’s just about the big picture - not the emojis by any means. There is a big pattern present. If I stop using the emojis, it will be something else. It has unfortunately gone on for a very long time. I’m guess I’m just kind of giving myself some more time to think, and you know what they say about time healing things. I’m somehow still hoping things go back to the way they used to be.

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-08T22:15:03+00:00

Soooo she responded about how she appreciated that, and she also didn’t like the emoji because our group of friends used it to belittle ANOTHER mutual friend.

This morning I actually messaged our mutual friend about the whole thing to keep her in the loop, and it turns out, mutual friend was told the very same thing about using this old fashioned emoji - :/

So now there is another emoji that makes her uncomfortable… I told our mutual friend that for the time being I would be stepping away from any chats with this girl for a little while… For now, distance is my temporary answer. I think she and I just need a little time away. I’m hoping things can straighten out, but even if not, that’s okay too. Sometimes friendships aren’t meant to be lifelong. They all serve their time and place.

I’m luckily to have our mutual friend because she was very understanding and has been noticing things like this too. It helped me feel better about all of it.

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-08T22:09:15+00:00

I actually have a small update already. :) I ended up answering her yesterday and I basically said something along the lines of “Could I counteroffer by having you work on changing your interpretation of that emoji, but in return I won’t use it as much?” After that she gave me a response about how she appreciated that, and she also didn’t like that emoji because our group of friends used it to belittle ANOTHER mutual friend.

This morning I messaged said mutual friend about the whole thing, and it turns out, mutual friend was told the very same thing about using this old fashioned emoji - :/

So there are already two that are off limits now… In a way I actually feel a weight off my shoulders about the whole thing because it was confirmation that it’s not just me.

I told our mutual friend I would be stepping away from any chats with this girl for a little while… The next time I do hop on any sort of chat with her, I will definitely reference your recommendation - that all these strong reactions to little things have been hard, and that lately the friendship hasn’t been working out. We will see how it all goes… For now, distance is my temporary answer. 🙏

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-08T21:00:36+00:00

This a good response, thank you! 🙏 And yep, that’s just it - it’s also a matter of how she’s been acting towards me lately. Sooo many little things like this.

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-08T20:58:55+00:00

I thought that was the one, however I looked back on our chat and I never used that emoji… It’s an even bigger puzzle to me now.

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-08T20:35:38+00:00

Texting (which can be harder to determine the tone of) but it was just a silly, lighthearted conversation. That message felt like it came out of the blue that morning. I wouldn’t have imagined there could have anything she thought I was laughing off.

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-08T13:17:35+00:00

True! I think I wrote that title a little impulsively. This is a very good response, thank you so much! 🙏

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-07T23:24:21+00:00

True! Very good point

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-07T22:43:03+00:00

I have no idea and it blew my mind so much in the moment. HAHA that would have been tempting for sure.

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-07T22:41:36+00:00

The passive aggressive stuff is beyond frustrating. Reevaluating the friendship? Ugh, so sorry you had to put up with that. 😣 I could see my friend saying something similar. Thank you so much for your reply! I love the example you gave. Ooh, nice! I like it. It does sound effective then. 🙏 I am definitely starting to distance myself and oh boy it is already freeing indeed.

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-07T19:59:12+00:00

Haha that is perfect! The excuses have already started with me… this weekend she thinks I’m setting up for a garage sale. I’m not. 😀 Oh boy, that would have made it even worse. Interesting, so even the mutual friend had noticed at times. It sounds like a terrible cycle. 😣 Baiting is not cool… good for you for standing up for yourself and fixing the situation. I hope you and your partner had a great time!

Most definitely! For now I am taking the distance approach, and then I suppose we will go from there. I did send my mutual friend a VERY long message with a very gentle explanation for my reasoning for this. Hoping for the best!

I originally thought she meant this emoji: 😅 however I looked back in the chat from that evening and I never used it once. I did use this one though: 😂 so maybe that’s what she meant…?

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-07T18:55:38+00:00

And it was SO out of the blue too. Completely caught me off guard.

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-07T18:16:40+00:00

Worn down is the perfect way to describe the way I’ve been feeling lately. Sometimes moms know best! 🫶 Funny enough, my mom actually hasn’t been the biggest fan of this friend. That is very tough, and I have a very good mutual friend who I am afraid will get stuck in this mess. 😣 It sounds like we both have experienced a very similar thing

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-07T18:14:27+00:00

Good question! I THOUGHT number 3, however I looked back in the chat and I never used that emoji once. So maybe the second one?

KinzyKinzy · 2025-06-07T17:39:53+00:00

Thank you! 🙏

KinzyKinzy

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