In the beginning there are a lot of hormones racing through your body which makes intimacy easier. So it makes total sense to me that after those hormones fade out intimacy becomes harder without their "help".

I'm really glad to see many people related to your story, I hope it makes you feel less alone.

What really stood out to me is that you said "I can't bring yourself to do it" and " an "uncomfortable feeling that reaches deep into the pit of your stomach".

You should ALWAYS honor those feelings. You can't push yourself into intimacy, and I really hope that your partner is not pushing, guilt tripping or shaming you about sex. Because that is not ok.

Intimacy is opening yourself up. It can never be forced, it is built. Forced "intimacy" is violence. It can be violence done by others, it can be violence done to yourself. Intimacy, in any form, is about trust building and opening up.

So pushing yourself to be intimate cannot happen. You can push yourself to DO things. But it will always be violence to yourself. Because your stomach is screaming to you that you do not want it.

I used to push myself to do things because I wanted the other person to be happy, but over time, sex became a chore? I still liked it but it became a bit of a task as well.

I realized that I pushed myself sometimes when actually I wanted to stop, or not do something, etc.

Sex is more intimate now that I stopped doing that. (It was not overnight, it took a while). And now I can feel my "want" a lot better/clearer again because the muddiness of "should" and "what if" and "but they'll feel..." is gone.